what you said makes sense. I shouldn't kill myself because of my family needing me. I will do what I can to survive, even if my former employer may have blacklisted me. I'll live on, somehow, and face my demons right in the face. Let the f*ckers who screwed me over roast in Hell, as they deserve to be there.
I am not sure about the commute, I still have my fear of highways and am sticking to local roads. On the highways I drive like Captain Kirk, if you know what that means, so I avoid the highways.
Once I had a good job, but it turned sour due to boneheaded management and HR taking more control of the IS department. Then I lost it, and cannot find another to take its place. But I will find another someway somehow.