What I have been doing
mostly is looking for another job.
Other things I have been doing is watching my son, spending time with my wife, helping her clean the house, and working out at the YMCA with the 4 month trial I got there.
I have designed the scematics for programs in a paper notebook of mine, I am scetching down ideas. I am trying to get a virtual server set up behind my firewall to show my ASP skills to the outside world, see the Network forum.
It hurts me to hear you say I am not taking responsibility, because you don't know me that well and don't know what I have been doing. Everything I have done so far has blown up in my face or hasn't made any results. Sometimes I feel like why should I even bother? But that is the depression talking, and I am still trying to shake it off. Remember that my depression is creating the negative thoughts, I wish I could control it, like there was a button I could press to turn it off, but no such button exists. My health and job situations do not help at all to the depression it just makes it worse. I cannot avoid the negative thoughts any more than a diabetic can create their own insulin or a blind person can see. You may never understand this unless like me you have been clinically depression for a few years or more and cannot get rid of it. A friend of mine had it as bad as me, maybe worse, but he did find a cure, it involved a shotgun and his head.
