Re: Please calm down.

Post #147,989 by deSitter 3/23/04 9:18:23 PM Reply	Re: Please calm down. I did all that shit when I was a greenhorn. I had the expensive shirts and high dry cleaning bill. What did I get out of it? 60k of medical bills and no future. I got a boss who was doing my manager instead of his goddamn job. The bills keep coming and the future keeps staying away. I've done my life work. I solved the problem I wanted to solve. I'm sick of trying to be what I am not in a world I can't stomach for another minute. Why wait? -drl
Post #147,992 by Nightowl 3/23/04 9:22:05 PM Reply	I hope and pray that doesn't mean what it seems to imply... Don't do anything stupid or rash Ross, okay? Nightowl >8# "Don't be a cynic and disconsolate preacher. Don't bewail and moan. Omit the negative propositions. Challenge us with incessant affirmatives. Don't waste yourself in rejection, or bark against the bad, but chant the beauty of the good." Ralph Waldo Emerson
Post #147,995 by deSitter 3/23/04 9:27:13 PM Reply	What the fuck difference does it make to you? You don't know me from Adam. Spend your effort on something else. I'm done. -drl
Post #148,007 by Nightowl 3/23/04 9:42:32 PM Reply	Re: What the fuck difference does it make to you? Ah well, it's the hooty curse, I was born to care too much for those who don't. Nightowl >8# "Don't be a cynic and disconsolate preacher. Don't bewail and moan. Omit the negative propositions. Challenge us with incessant affirmatives. Don't waste yourself in rejection, or bark against the bad, but chant the beauty of the good." Ralph Waldo Emerson
Post #148,012 by orion 3/23/04 9:51:29 PM Reply	It really matters to you though are you just going to give up, just like that? Or are you going to be as tough as you say you are, and put up a fight? Go to the interview, don't wear a suit, see what happens. Just one thing, give it a 100% effort. Tell them that "I am not a stuffed shirt, I am a real person." and see where that takes you. If they ask about the lack of a suit, say "Clothes do not make the man. Did you want to hire a suit, or someone who can do the job, as I can do this job." If you can do that, and hold your head up high, maybe, just maybe, it is enough to impress them and get that job. I've been down that road, and I documented it here, I wanted to give it all up. But do you know what? When I do that, those bastards win. Are you going to let the bastards win, or are you going to show them who is who? Then live dammit, live like you've never lived before. Be tough as nails, be mean, show up in dockers then, just don't give up. *"Lady I only speak two languages, English and Bad English!" - Corbin Dallas "The Fifth Element"*
Post #147,996 by mmoffitt 3/23/04 9:29:28 PM Reply	Ross, look. We're your friends. We want you well. We want you employed. I'm sure that if everyone here were honest, they'd admit that they do things every single day that they don't want to do. Nobody, well, those not born into abundant wealth anyway, gets to live the life they want to lead at work. I used to believe that because I worked my way through school, never took even a student loan, worked my ass off, got my Master's Degree, got my "professional certifications", etc. that I'd be able to expect more out of my job than kissing some idiot's ass. Guess what? I was wrong. But what I have learned is that what we do to make the rent is not who we are. Our job is not our "life", our job is the unpleasant duty we pull to live our life. Be pissed about it if you must, but to me it's just wasted energy and the only person who suffers as a consequence is you. Are you going to work for some one as intelligent as you are? Don't bet the ranch on it. Now there are some exceptions, but in all likelihood whomever you go to work for is going to be, by comparison, an idiot. C'est la vie, mon frere. You just can't let it eat you up, because it will if you dwell on it - trust me, I've been there. That's why I said what I said above. Live on your time off, that's the only real time you have. bcnu, Mikem The soul and substance of what customarily ranks as patriotism is moral cowardice and always has been...We have thrown away the most valuable asset we had-- the individual's right to oppose both flag and country when he (just he, by himself) believed them to be in the wrong. We have thrown it away; and with it all that was really respectable about that grotesque and laughable word, Patriotism. - Mark Twain, "Monarchical and Republican Patriotism"
Post #148,001 by broomberg 3/23/04 9:35:35 PM Reply	No one said you needed to go to the jobs that way Just to the interview. You want to know what you have to look forward to? Motorcycle rides. I'm too scared to get on a bike on the highway, you are not. Your choice of young women when you have enough money to go out an have a good time. Yeah, it sucks that it'll cost, one way or another, but that's life. And it can be fun either way. Proving me wrong. It'll happen. Some day. Dropping really good mellow windowpane acid, while relaxing in a just warm enough room, surrounded by really good speakers, with your favorite piano piece playing. Psilocybin is just as good. Watching the teenyboppers bop around in the summer. Teasing me about the fact my daughter and wife run my life. Going the Beep's party and trying not to get caught lusting after his daughter. Watching Box toss 4 guys in the pool so fast you have to blink a few times just to make sure your eyes were open. The list really does go on and on and on if you just try to think about it.
Post #148,004 by deSitter 3/23/04 9:40:10 PM Reply	Re: No one said you needed to go to the jobs that way You have to have a purpose. I don't. -drl
Post #148,008 by mmoffitt 3/23/04 9:42:51 PM Reply	My bad. I thought you wanted to eat. bcnu, Mikem The soul and substance of what customarily ranks as patriotism is moral cowardice and always has been...We have thrown away the most valuable asset we had-- the individual's right to oppose both flag and country when he (just he, by himself) believed them to be in the wrong. We have thrown it away; and with it all that was really respectable about that grotesque and laughable word, Patriotism. - Mark Twain, "Monarchical and Republican Patriotism"
Post #148,010 by boxley 3/23/04 9:47:46 PM Reply	yer purpose is to suck air until you quit its what to do while waiting that seems to be problematic, start gambling degeneratively, drive the bike around East St Louis flying the st andrews cross. Knock over drug dealers for beer money, when contemplating your navel turns injurious, find something else to injure, lotta deserving thugs out there. thanx, bill In Bush\ufffds America, fighting terrorism abroad is used as a pretext for vanquishing civil liberties at home. David Podvin questions, help? [link\|mailto:pappas@catholic.org\|email pappas at catholic.org]
Post #148,068 by deSitter 3/24/04 2:27:35 AM Reply	Re: yer purpose is to suck air until you quit This is an interesting point - why not just run amok if you are going down anyway? I've been confronted by this issue repeatedly so I've thought a lot about it. 1) I just can't - it's not something I can do. It would have to be in defense of something. I suppose the values of civilization are so important to me that I'd rather go out quietly than violate them. There is no point to living as a human if there is nothing to live for. Life is more than being alive. 2) I wouldn't enjoy stolen money - even to eat. It would not be worth it. 3) Failing at life so completely that you can't even keep a roof over your own single head is so shameful that there is too much apathy after a time to give a damn. All one is left with is fear of being dirty and cold. Hunger doesn't worry me nor thirst (there are always places to get water). But being dirty and cold scares me to death. Therefore when the time comes I will jack an entire syringe of the best heroin I can score for my last $500 into my arm. I will not leave a mess for the EMTs to clean up. -drl
Post #148,096 by boxley 3/24/04 8:59:12 AM Reply	last $500? when you get to the last $500, go to Vegas with it. Spend 150 on round trip, 60 on a room, 100 on a hooker, Gamble a 100 spend 40 on a meal and a jug, watch all the interesting lights, go home with 50 get a job changing oil at a local dirty sanchez franchise. Think you are overtired, drink kefir for a couple of days. thanx, bill In Bush\ufffds America, fighting terrorism abroad is used as a pretext for vanquishing civil liberties at home. David Podvin questions, help? [link\|mailto:pappas@catholic.org\|email pappas at catholic.org]
Post #148,098 by deSitter 3/24/04 9:21:13 AM Reply	Re: last $500? I can't get hired for a "Joe" job - I've tried again and again. I don't know how you do these things, but they don't work for me. -drl
Post #148,115 by orion 3/24/04 10:36:06 AM Reply	There is work if you look for it SBC was hiring people to promote their DSL at different shops. All the person needed to do was learn enough about DSL to talk to vendors into reselling it for SBC. Just go visit the shops, talk to owners, and managers, and get them to sell/resell SBC DSL. There was a consulting company doing the hiring. It should be an easy job for you if you can find the consulting company doing the hiring. Maybe SBC can give you more info on that? Or check with the colleges, your Math and Science backgrounds can get you a job there. After all, you did get a paper published. Maybe you can be a Teacher's Assistant for Phsyics? No need to wear a suit, dockers and a polo shirt should be fine at a college. Maybe you can get free tuition and work on getting another degree? See if the college computer labs need help. I have to explore options that are non-computer related. I have creativity, so I am looking into research for making jewelry, soap, candles, etc. I may be selling more to the female markets, but hey that is a whole other half of the population that I was not able to sell to before. If I can make enough money doing that, I can start up a computer business from it. Then I can focus on consumer and computer products and services for my business and sell both. So please don't OD, there are plenty of options out there, you have to look really hard to find them. Don't give up, as I tried to do before. Trust me I have been down that road and I don't like to see someone else going down that road. Your choice, your decision, I cannot make that for you. Follow the trends and see what you can do. For example while the code is written over seas, the requirements gathering, quality testing, documentation, configuration management/control, and training is still done in the good old USA. So just switch what you are doing in the computer market to something that they are still hiring for. *"Lady I only speak two languages, English and Bad English!" - Corbin Dallas "The Fifth Element"*
Post #148,141 by deSitter 3/24/04 11:53:08 AM Reply	Nope None of that works. -drl
Post #148,223 by orion 3/24/04 4:56:19 PM Reply	Then I challenge you to find something that does work after all you are supposed to be really smart. I figure you should be able to use those smarts to find yourself a job. *"Lady I only speak two languages, English and Bad English!" - Corbin Dallas "The Fifth Element"*
Post #148,165 by Nightowl 3/24/04 12:55:23 PM Reply	Another viewpoint I'll probably regret trying this post, but I figure if it's to hopefully save your life, I've got nothing to lose. Ross, I was there once too. I wanted to kill myself rather than face the work place, rather than try to work again. I was disgusted with the whole system, disenchanted with employers and their values, and completely blind-sided by how people could behave. I went into a deep depression, and I didn't care. I didn't eat, I didn't sleep, I didn't do anything. Some of the sleeplessness you describe sounds to me like depression. I'm not a doctor, but you could check with your doctor and ask if you need something to help you sleep. But I learned something in that dark period, and it was a hard lesson. I learned that suicide was NOT the answer. It wasn't what would solve everything. In fact, it was the easy way to avoid the responsibility of taking care of me. I was tired of fighting, heck, I still am, tired of fighting the system. I didn't believe in being a "showplace" secretary, and I still won't do it. I was hit on by potential employers, and wouldn't even consider working there. I wanted to give up, completely. But I am still here, plodding on, fighting on, trying new strategies every day, and trying to believe that somewhere out there, there IS a place for me in the work force, and that IF it is truly there, I'll find it. Granted, I don't have to fear losing my roof, and I know that can be frightening, because I was there once too, in that dark depressive period, I lost my apt and I had to be back with my parents. You claim you have nowhere to go, but all you need is one friend or one person to help you out, just a little, here or there and keep you on your feet until you ARE able to do it yourself. It CAN be done. I know you think it can't, but it can. And it is honestly, your choice whether you keep on plodding on, and keep on fighting, or lie down and die. I can't make that choice for you, but I pray every day that you'll make the right one. Nightowl >8# "Don't be a cynic and disconsolate preacher. Don't bewail and moan. Omit the negative propositions. Challenge us with incessant affirmatives. Don't waste yourself in rejection, or bark against the bad, but chant the beauty of the good." Ralph Waldo Emerson
Post #148,168 by deSitter 3/24/04 1:04:50 PM Reply	Re: Another viewpoint FACE THE WORKPLACE? I'D GO NAKED IF IT MADE MONEY. Not being in this business, you don't understand the implications when a recruiter tells you to "dress like a Republican". I'm not fighting the system - the SYSTEM is fighting ME. There are any number of things I can do - none of which are possible. I'm not a good, stable enough citizen so I'm not allowed to teach. I have no experience for money so I can't work on MCs. I can't do my career job because the people who hire are totally ignorant of the work that needs doing, and the people who actually should know better tacitly abet this stupid system. I can't drive a cab because my health is fucked up. I can't do labor because I am old and broken down. I can't get a job in a convenience/grocery store because they simply will not hire ME - they take one look and have one conversation and that's it. App given, no call back. Even though I've helped build houses, and can do everything from installing electrics to plumbing to drywalling to framing, those are trades and are (rightly) unionized - and in any case it's the same as the above - I'm too strange a person to average Joes to get along with (their fault for misjudging me). There is literally nothing I can do to make any money. -drl
Post #148,174 by Nightowl 3/24/04 1:15:47 PM Reply	Well... There is calling people for AMVETS. I did it once, and it was done from home, on my own time. You make money based on who agrees to leave something out for them on the porch. There's no "hard sell" like telemarketing, it's polite, and if they say no you hang up and continue on. No car needed, no clothes needed, you could do this naked if you liked. Let me know if you want the contact info for Amvets. Nightowl >8# "Don't be a cynic and disconsolate preacher. Don't bewail and moan. Omit the negative propositions. Challenge us with incessant affirmatives. Don't waste yourself in rejection, or bark against the bad, but chant the beauty of the good." Ralph Waldo Emerson
Post #148,175 by deSitter 3/24/04 1:28:32 PM Reply	Re: Well... Sure you can email it to me. unixmonster at hotmail dot com -drl
Post #148,184 by Nightowl 3/24/04 1:54:28 PM Reply	Done :) Good luck, and let me know if it isn't the right place to call, I'll find another one. Nightowl >8# "Don't be a cynic and disconsolate preacher. Don't bewail and moan. Omit the negative propositions. Challenge us with incessant affirmatives. Don't waste yourself in rejection, or bark against the bad, but chant the beauty of the good." Ralph Waldo Emerson
Post #148,011 by broomberg 3/23/04 9:49:00 PM Reply	Explain You considered your math work (please ignore the gross simplification) your purpose. And now your purpose is fullfilled? Who has reviewed it? Who else understands it? Who has attacked it? And been proven wrong / beaten back? This type of work is like a fragile child. You may think you are done, but you have just begun. You have to nurture and protect until it is ready to stand on it's own.
Post #148,069 by deSitter 3/24/04 2:29:30 AM Reply	Re: Explain It's the one good thing I did in my life. It will certainly stand on its own. In a way, now that its done I'm free to check out. -drl
Post #148,086 by broomberg 3/24/04 6:06:32 AM Reply	Nice try But you are wrong. The world is filled with vicious idots in power who like nothing more than suppress new ideas becuase it threatens the status quo. And you know it, you fight them often enough. So you gotta stick around for at least a while to make sure it doesn't die on the vine.
Post #148,116 by orion 3/24/04 10:41:25 AM Reply	I agree the Megacoporations control things, Billy Idol was correct in 1993 when he stated that on his Cyberpunk CD. Here is a Blog on it: [link\|http://www.michaelhanscom.com/eclecticism/2003/12/billy_idols_cyb.html\|http://www.michaelha...ly_idols_cyb.html] Maybe it can get you a chuckle, deSitter, if you read it. Here is the intro text: The future has imploded into the present. With no nuclear war, the new battlefields are people's minds and souls. Megacorporations are the new government. The computer generated info-domains are the new frontiers. Though there is better living through science and chemistry, we are all becoming cyborgs. The computer is the new "cool tool," and though we say "all information should be free," it is not. Information is power and currency in the virtual world we inhabit, so mistrust authority. Cyberpunks are the true rebels. Cyberculture is coming in under the radar of ordinary society. An unholy alliance of the tech world, and the world of organized dissent. Welcome to the cybercorporation. Cyberpunks. *"Lady I only speak two languages, English and Bad English!" - Corbin Dallas "The Fifth Element"*
Post #148,025 by Another Scott 3/23/04 10:17:59 PM Reply	Yes, you do. We all have a purpose, even if we haven't found it yet. As Barry said, you've got your mathematics. You've got to convince the boneheaded ass clown string theorists out there that they are tilting at windmills. :-) You've got a desire to help others understand the things you know. That's one reason why you post here. You enjoy helping others. A wise man thinks [link\|http://www.tibet.ca/en/wtnarchive/1999/2/16_1.html\|the purpose of life is to seek happiness.] Life is a journey, not a destination. Go to the interview. See what tomorrow brings. Don't give up. Hang in there. Cheers, Scott.
Post #148,055 by inthane-chan 3/24/04 1:17:16 AM Reply	Life sucks. Then you die. Then they put you in a hole in the ground. Then they throw dirt in your face. Then the worms eat you. *BE FUCKING GLAD IT HAPPENS IN THAT ORDER!* (In other words, there's always a purpose. You might not know what it is yet, but you'll find it. Don't give up yet!) In that final hour, when each breath is a struggle to take, and you are looking back over your life's accomplishments, which memories would you treasure? The empires you built, or the joy you spread to others? Therin lies the true measure of a man.

Welcome to IWETHEY!

BE FUCKING GLAD IT HAPPENS IN THAT ORDER!