I am sorry

Post #4,344 by orion 8/9/01 9:30:24 AM Reply	I am sorry I feel like I should have better trust of management. If I decide to stay I am going to have to work on that. I am not perfect, and have made my share of mistakes. My depression being one of them, and letting stress get to me being another one. Best I can do is check myself into a hospital to get better. I feel like I have failed.
Post #4,364 by addison 8/9/01 11:11:58 AM Reply	What? Are you blaming yourself for not trusting known liars? No, you shouldn't stay there. Because they aren't trustworthy. You SHOULD get out. We've been telling you this for how long? You shouldn't "Work on trusting them". Fool you once, shame on me. Fool you twice, shame on you. Addison
Post #5,041 by mhuber 8/14/01 11:58:05 AM Reply	Any word from Orion? That post smelled like "I have lawyers standing behind me and I'm in deep shit." And I don't think I've seen anything from him since. Unfortunately, that's the benign interpretation, and there is an uglier one. White guys in suits know best - Pat McCurdy
Post #5,044 by boxley 8/14/01 12:21:57 PM Reply	I got an email a few days ago, Ill check Our bureaucracy and our laws have turned the world into a clean, safe work camp. We are raising a nation of slaves. Chuck Palahniuk
Post #7,530 by orion 9/2/01 11:21:00 PM Reply	What happened to me I got so depressed and sick that I had to check into a hospital for a while. I applied for short-term disability (60% of my salary) until I can recover. I am recovering at home but I am not ready to return to work and make a decision on what to do yet. I had to work up the confidence to check my email and read and post on here. My depression got worse after the review and it got so bad I just couldn't go back to work. As you all know, I was suffering from a depression already, and it got so bad now that I had to check into a hospital. I am currently trying to recover from it enough to get back to work and make a decision on what to do. If I do quit, I'd like to find a job closer to home that pays about the same as the job I currently (might still) have. I think I can do better than the current employer I am working for. If I decide to stay and take probation, how will I know this won't happen again? *Picking up the pieces of my broken life.*
Post #7,541 by boxley 9/3/01 12:47:03 AM Reply	hey buddy we were worried about ya will email my phone no to yer last known web address. Doc has some free time now his contract is over, wuz trying to get in touch the other day. youll make it, ya have the will to beat this shit. thanx, bill Our bureaucracy and our laws have turned the world into a clean, safe work camp. We are raising a nation of slaves. Chuck Palahniuk
Post #7,762 by orion 9/5/01 8:55:13 PM Reply	I was kind of out of it for a while. Couldn't even fire up the old computer to check email for a while. That was how out of it I was. But I am starting to feel better now. My doctor changed my dosage and told me to call back in a week. I think that short-term can last for 6 months, after that I have long-term disability. I am just now starting to get better. It is the Doctor's call now as to how long I should be out. *Picking up the pieces of my broken life.*
Post #7,787 by Ashton 9/6/01 6:28:36 AM Reply	Something maybe not brought to your attention I haven't the foggiest where your talents lie in the exciting field of VB, as you know.. but that doesn't really matter for these purposes. What maybe (?) you haven't grokked about certain homo-saps, and especially those in the bizness class, lawyer sub-class: See, actually OhRyan, it's pretty clear that you have a good heart. No flattery intended or needed - last thing you need to hear now, is More BS! Simply, you are in fact "a bit too 'good'" to flourish in an environment quite so prevarication-based; you lack the instinctive talent for lying instantly, for each occasion (just my take from a distance). What you may not realize is - the effect 'you' are likely to have on -- those of slimeball general makeup; those who maintain their positions in bizness by backbiting amidst the suits, dissing their betters via various nasty ploys. There are quite a few of those around. Tennessee Williams and others, made a good living - telling their stories. When one of these semi-humans encounters one of youse? They Know instinctively, "this guy is up to no bad". I've gotta do something to bring him down to my level.. Really. It was similar in Rome; the slaves were the 'superiors' and the more perceptive Romans realized this - basic humankind 101-A. Made them look bad, which of course: they were. See too? Criticism from such - has 0 / zippo to do with who you are, or how well you did/did not (?) clean up the scripting crap left by previous folks. (It just wouldn't do for you to - imagine you'd "actually been fairly 'evaluated' and found wanting"! Any such BS from those folks could only have been: BS! Clear?) Sorry.. if you'd gotten this already; in which case - never mind! It's also OK to thoroughly enjoy.. not doing much at all, right now.. Occasional loafing is really Fun and also essential. A.
Post #8,004 by orion 9/8/01 7:30:29 PM Reply	What is clear to me is that no mater what I have to make a change. Either I change my job to a new one, I try to change myself to adapt to work at the current one the way they want me to, or I quit and take my chances looking for a new job. Changing jobs is hard right now due to the fact that I am on short-term disability, showing up to a job interview while depressed won't work unless they are looking for a depressed person to work the job. All the short-term disability has bought me is some time to get better and think about what I have to do. Only type of job I can get really quickly is a contracting job. Just sign up at a contacting company and hope that they can send me to a client to work. Perminate jobs will require them some time to review my application. Thanks to everyone for thinking about me and wishing me a recovery. Sorry I haven't been posting more often, I have tried to cut back on my Internet usage. I think I am addicted to using the Internet and I am trying to break myself of it. Given time to recover I should be fine. I'll talk to my doctor next week and see what he thinks. *Picking up the pieces of my broken life.*
Post #8,012 by boxley 9/8/01 7:59:21 PM Reply	by all means put the keyboard down and get better:) why did god give us a talleywhacker and a trigger finger if he didnt want us to use them? Randy Wayne White
Post #8,015 by Ashton 9/8/01 8:50:24 PM Reply	Sounds quite clear enough. Being depressed about the 'world' can occur from simply: too close inspection of some of 'its' illusions. But your mind isn't working half-bad, I'd opine. (And your chosen field appears to contain about as much daily BS as my simple mind could never imagine, unassisted) Hmmm? Yes - cool out. Ignore lots of stuff, including 'us' :-\ufffd (Recall too - takes some acclimating to peace&quiet, when you've had little time for it..) Cheers, A.
Post #8,031 by boxley 9/9/01 12:01:53 AM Reply	Ahh, yes to have the time to scratch yerself then keep on scratching:) think I might have some extra time myself. Rumors are a flyin will know by friday. thanx, bill why did god give us a talleywhacker and a trigger finger if he didnt want us to use them? Randy Wayne White
Post #8,048 by Ashton 9/9/01 7:14:23 AM Reply	Will light candle. To join a couple others sufferin the vicissitudes in other areas. Some of the proposed legislation is decidedly heading Repo and may stay that way til another election allows us to send Cheney/Dubya back to the oil bizness. Hope your skill at evading the HR brand of BS gets you a better shot than most - experience has to count for more than a College of San Mateo 'MCSE' by proxy (?) Luck, A. who still wonders what it will take for IT folk to start contributing to some National-level lobbying against the balderdash coming down the pike. This is Murica and ONLY $$ talks in such a way as to be listened to.. Buy yourselves a Repo today!
Post #7,551 by Ashton 9/3/01 1:56:57 AM Reply	Kinda figured you were cooling out.. (And that you already know there's a penalty for checking out of the room early, even if it sucks lately) Book says that, if you've actually been getting normal night's sleep for a week or more and - away from a work environment that would drive anyone normal, nutzo or postal: You should be feeling better. No? (less'n you're still full of chemical experiments.. I know: it's hard to break young MDs of their drugging habits; it's all most of them know. Y'know? Have to shop for the rare ones, not yet brainwashed. Really - there are such, and you already know what hasn't been working at all, last you mentioned.) Try to remind yourself that, waking up every day in a better and better frame of mind, and looking for a better place to hang out - is your best revenge on those thoroughly unpleasant bastards. Life's too short to spend it right next to assholes, every day. [Remember ??] Those first 3 seconds on waking up - you can plant a suggestion right then. Try it; it's a rare period just before you realize umm 'where you are, yet'.. Works for me. Cheers, Ashton
Post #7,558 by static 9/3/01 3:34:54 AM Reply	Glad you're still with us. It's encouraging you were able to seek professional medical help and did so. I'll try to remember to pray for you. Wade. "All around me are nothing but fakes Come with me on the biggest fake of all!"
Post #7,561 by Meerkat 9/3/01 8:42:35 AM Reply	{Phew!} Great to hear from you. On and on and on and on, and on and on and on goes John.
Post #7,597 by boxley 9/3/01 9:14:45 PM Reply	how long until your short term disability runs out? mine is 6 months, can you make it on 60%? If then take as long as you need. At this point the Americans with Disabilities Act is in your favor since they are not fighting your disability claim. Might even give you some negotiation room. thanx, bill Our bureaucracy and our laws have turned the world into a clean, safe work camp. We are raising a nation of slaves. Chuck Palahniuk
Post #7,618 by Steve Lowe 9/4/01 4:16:41 AM Reply	good to see you Glad to see your post, I hope and pray this is the bottom for you, nowhere to go but UP! :) ----- Steve
Post #7,629 by Another Scott 9/4/01 10:54:33 AM Reply	Welcome back. Sincere best of luck. Hang in there.
Post #7,639 by mhuber 9/4/01 12:23:15 PM Reply	Glad to hear from you I was kind of worried. Sounds like you are taking care of business, getting yourself put back together. I notice the tone of your message is much more calm and coherent than some of your messages before you took that break. Once you start getting it together, you are capable of so much more - problems that had you completely stumped a while ago will probably be reasonably solvable now. White guys in suits know best - Pat McCurdy
Post #7,642 by drewk 9/4/01 1:14:57 PM Reply	Great to hear from you, good luck This is my sig. There are many like it, but this one is mine.
Post #7,647 by inthane-chan 9/4/01 2:09:58 PM Reply	Add one more well-wisher As another struggling with Ye Olde Inner Daemons, I feel for ya buddy. Mine may not be as heavy as yours, but remember you have a wife that loves you, a bunch of friends that do care about you (even if they are a little trigger happy with that 'ol flamethrower sometimes!) and the sun will still come up tomorrow! "He who fights with monsters might take care lest he thereby become a monster. And if you gaze for long into an abyss, the abyss gazes also into you." - Friedrich Nietzsche
Post #7,780 by pwhysall 9/6/01 2:37:31 AM Reply	Time to start looking after #1 Take care of yourself and your family. There is a job out there with your name on it, at a company that won't treat you like shit. It's just a matter of finding it :-) Warmest wishes from the UK. -- Peter Shill For Hire

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