Failure is a great learning tool

...trust me on this.

Book I ran across at [link|http://www.keplers.com/|Kepler's] the other day: [link|http://www.powells.com/cgi-bin/biblio?inkey=1-1576751325-0|The Power of Failure] (Charles C Manz, ISBN:1576751325). It's somewhat typical of the busines / self-help set, but I like the premise. It's that old line -- if you don't fail (at least sometimes), you're not trying hard enough. Some of the [link|http://catless.ncl.ac.uk/Risks|more interesting computer & technology reading] focuses specifically on to topic of failure. That and [link|http://online.securityfocus.com/archive/1|this] are on my daily reading list. Failure also makes for [link|http://www.k19movie.com/|fascinating stories] (and "blue light special" will never have the same meaning to me again).

The classic examples are Edison and Colonel Saunders -- each discovered thousands of things that didn't work, or thousands of people who weren't interested in a chicken recipie.

You were discussing recently programming projects to try, and it was pointed out that there were existing similar tools. Your response was to throw up your hands and say "I can't come up with any original ideas". My own, in a similar situation, is to think "Gee, someone else figured this was useful enough to develop, so I'm clearly on the right track, let's see if what they did needs any improvement".

I knew someone who blamed me for lifes problems "you make me..." was a favorite phrase. Within your own capacities, this is almost always a convenient lie. The world acts, you react. If your natural inclination is to react in a negative manner, then muster whatever strength of spirit you have to turn that response into a positive. And if it's possible to get away from the negative environment, this is also a plus.

Suicide may make sense: it stops the bad parts. The side-effect is that it stops all the good parts as well. If there are no good bits left (you're dying of cancer; the voices won't stop; the building has been hit by planes, is on fire, and will collapse around you), the decision may truly be the right one. It's a really piss-poor revenge tactic though -- we forget the ones we love quickly enough; the people who made your life miserably will care less about your death.

It's also a truly once-in-a-lifetime decision. It's an option which has been considered by many people, more than you may think. The ones still talking either decided against -- or decided not to decide. Again, that's a matter of your electing to exercise choice or not.

My own decision -- a very concious one -- many years ago after a very difficult set of events, was that death seemed like an awfully boring alternative, and I'd eventually find out whether I wanted to or not. Life is change and challenge, death is stasis. So I'm still here and enjoying (most of) the ride.

For instance take your failure to put an http:// in front of www.keplers.com...

Sorry. Serious for a moment.

What you say about suicide is true. For me the single most important and best decision that I ever made was to seriously confront the question of whether I wanted to kill myself or not. My answer was to figure out that if I couldn't find a way to make it better, then I did - even though I was remarkably loathe to do so. Which meant that I really, really wanted to figure out how to make my life better. (And for that I had to figure out what I wanted out of life, which it turns out is to be satisfied with how I live the damned thing.)

What was important there was not that I reached a moment of crises or being a mess. It was the fact that doing so left me wanting to do something about it. A decision which still motivates me over half my life later.

Failure uncoupled with facing and doing something about it is debilitating. The ability to face and learn from failure is the greatest strength you can have.

I am deadly serious when I say that a major failing of our society and school system is that we do not teach our children how to fail from a young age. Because without failure, there is no success. And no person is so marked for success that they get there without failing along the way.

Cheers,
Ben

PS One of my favorite books is The Millionaire Next Door, and it is favorite because of a section that nobody else seems to care about. What fascinated me was the section on family dynamics for families with money. The trend was clear. Children of rich people who allow mommy and daddy to provide a safety blanket fail. They are dependent, needy, have low self-esteem, and blow their inheritances. The chilren of rich people who succeed are the ones who actively tell their parents where they can put their support, and then go about building their own lives. Think about that. An offer of a million bucks isn't worth as much as the right attitude. Literally!

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