#1 Something I can use to create programs with that doesn't run in a VM that bogs it down or use an Interpriter or whatever. I want something that runs fast.
Sounds like premature optimization to me. You don't even know WTF you are going to write yet. Why worry about performance?
#7 It has to be virtually free, I cannot afford much. Even the $10USD Visual Studio.Net trial CD got my wife mad at me.
Have you even received that CD yet? Isn't you wife going to be even more mad if you blew that money without putting it to use?
I think you need to focus. Did you ever get Windows 2000 or XP running so you could use VS.NET? And now you want to wipe your machine and install Linux?
Focus.