Re: How do I get his respect?
Just the way you get an adult's respect: by being honest, by keeping your word, by respecting the child.
Any method you use has to be used with respect for the child. Never attempt to change his behavior for your convinience alone.
That said, my method (I started to apply it when they were old enough to walk) of coping with lack of obedience is to slowly count to 3, repeating the request after every count. 1, 2, 2 and 1/2, 3. If the word "three" is said, it does not matter whether the child does as he is told: a punishment follows no matter what. Of course, the compliance is still requered after punshement. It used to be spanking, now it's mostly sending them (twins) up to their room, or not taking the guilty party somewhere and so on. Things go to "three" no more that once a month nowadays.
There was one moment when one of the kids (he was 3 then) obviously tried to break the system. I think it was drawing on the walls that brought the challenge. After being told not to do it many times (more than 3 :) ), He was given a final notice: once again, and some pain will happen. So he scrawled something once again, and got spanked. I asked him if he understood. "No" was the answer. I administered a more severe dose, and asked again. "No" again. After the third attempt, he broke into tears. We hugged 50 seconds later, and the question was settled. (I wish I could say that they never drew on walls again... But next time around, punishment was accepted as justified, w/o defiance. And it only happens couple times a year, not every other day, And I don't have to spank them any more.)
Now, that may seem cold and cruel. I do not see it that way from the inside. I hope dearly that the kids don't see it so. Time will tell. But for now, there seems to be some rather pleasant balance reached in the family.
Overall, just use your head. I don't remember who said it: "A commander can only get pissed in front of his troop for show". You can only get mad at a kid for show. If you are mad for real, run away as fast as you can. You'll regret whatever you've done in anger. Come back when you're calmer. Praise is unlimited, unless it's incincere. Anger must be incincere at all times.
