Never had any kids, did you?

Post #46,748 by orion 7/24/02 2:40:59 PM Reply	Never had any kids, did you? Especially boys, can be rough at times. They will hit you, and climb on you, and pinch you, and bite you, and slap you, and kick you in the groin for no apparent reason. They know what they are doing is wrong, but they do it anyway and smile about it after they do it. After telling them that it is wrong, staring them in the eyes and talking about it, they will turn around and do it again. Maybe not all boys, by my 3 year old sure seems to do this to me a lot. He's smarter than the other kids in his Mini-School, and his teacher says that he scored 100% in all tests for his age. He knows right from wrong, and will tell me when something is wrong. Yet at times, he just attacks me for no reason because he thinks it is funny. I am not sure what to do with him, and I am at my witts end most of the time. Time outs, talking to, spankings, etc do not seem to work. Still I am not teaching him to be this way, unlike other parents which train their three year olds to shoot guns or take a bomb into a crowded group. So where does the innocence end? Does it matter if some 30 year old or 3 year old does a suicide bombing? *I am free now, to choose my own destiny.*
Post #46,778 by wharris2 7/24/02 9:24:31 PM Reply	Re: Never had any kids, did you? So where does the innocence end? Does it matter if some 30 year old or 3 year old does a suicide bombing? I'm not qualified to say (I'm not a father), but I think any kid under the age of six is a monster tolerated for the sake of continuing the human species. The age of accountability may come before that with exceptional children. The age of accountability may come far, far, far after that. But in general 6 years seems to be when a kid starts understanding things (and I think it's no coincidence that 6 seems to be a magical number for 1st grade.)
Post #46,837 by Arkadiy 7/25/02 12:31:03 PM Reply	I am a father of twins, and I have to disagree. My kids (4 at the moment) don't do thigs to hurt me or anger me. They do things because they are curious, mostly. Once I tell them to stop, they do stop (ok, twice or three times I tell them to stop). But then again, I try not to stop them too often. Experience at 4 is more valuable than at 34 (well, 31).
Post #46,834 by marlowe 7/25/02 12:24:30 PM Reply	Better nip that in the bud. Just talking won't do it. First get their respect, then you can program them as you see fit. (Whether the programming will hold into adulthood is another question. Free will starts seriously to kick in around puberty.) And you don't get a kid's respect by just talking. They need reinforcement, both positive and negative. If you don't mold his behavior, someone else will. At that age, right and wrong are less than abstractions. They're just a catechism. Words. Sounds made with the mouth. Rote questions, rote answers. Comprehension is another thing entirely. [link\|http://www.angelfire.com/ca3/marlowe/index.html\|http://www.angelfir...e/index.html] Everything's a mystery until you figure out how it works. Free Joel Mowbray! I'm a-gonna put a gun rack on my SUV.
Post #46,838 by orion 7/25/02 12:31:23 PM Reply	How do I get his respect? He doesn't seem to respect anybody or anything. *I am free now, to choose my own destiny.*
Post #46,841 by Andrew Grygus 7/25/02 12:46:33 PM 7/25/02 12:58:33 PM Reply	(scratch) Ooops - didn't read that sequence carefully enough. [link\|http://www.aaxnet.com\|AAx] Edited by Andrew Grygus July 25, 2002, 12:58:33 PM EDT Expand All History
Post #46,843 by Arkadiy 7/25/02 12:53:35 PM 7/25/02 12:56:43 PM Reply	Re: How do I get his respect? Just the way you get an adult's respect: by being honest, by keeping your word, by respecting the child. Any method you use has to be used with respect for the child. Never attempt to change his behavior for your convinience alone. That said, my method (I started to apply it when they were old enough to walk) of coping with lack of obedience is to slowly count to 3, repeating the request after every count. 1, 2, 2 and 1/2, 3. If the word "three" is said, it does not matter whether the child does as he is told: a punishment follows no matter what. Of course, the compliance is still requered after punshement. It used to be spanking, now it's mostly sending them (twins) up to their room, or not taking the guilty party somewhere and so on. Things go to "three" no more that once a month nowadays. There was one moment when one of the kids (he was 3 then) obviously tried to break the system. I think it was drawing on the walls that brought the challenge. After being told not to do it many times (more than 3 :) ), He was given a final notice: once again, and some pain will happen. So he scrawled something once again, and got spanked. I asked him if he understood. "No" was the answer. I administered a more severe dose, and asked again. "No" again. After the third attempt, he broke into tears. We hugged 50 seconds later, and the question was settled. (I wish I could say that they never drew on walls again... But next time around, punishment was accepted as justified, w/o defiance. And it only happens couple times a year, not every other day, And I don't have to spank them any more.) Now, that may seem cold and cruel. I do not see it that way from the inside. I hope dearly that the kids don't see it so. Time will tell. But for now, there seems to be some rather pleasant balance reached in the family. Overall, just use your head. I don't remember who said it: "A commander can only get pissed in front of his troop for show". You can only get mad at a kid for show. If you are mad for real, run away as fast as you can. You'll regret whatever you've done in anger. Come back when you're calmer. Praise is unlimited, unless it's incincere. Anger must be incincere at all times. Edited by Arkadiy July 25, 2002, 12:56:43 PM EDT Expand All History
Post #46,907 by Ashton 7/25/02 8:10:33 PM Reply	Wise words. Especially re the essential! insincerity of 'anger' before a child. I think that's the clearest I've ever heard this put. (And indeed - adults may need those famous time outs even more than the kiddies) Kudos, Ashton
Post #46,923 by Silverlock 7/25/02 9:42:13 PM Reply	Simplicity works well Lay down the rules. Then you have to follow them. You can't expect a child to follow rules if you don't. If you say "don't do this or you will be punished" and then don't deliver punishment when they do, expect constant trouble. "...the problem with the French is that they don\ufffdt have a word for entrepreneur." George W. Bush

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