Tricky question, but I'll try and answer it.

Posting here can qualify, I guess, but the process of getting something written down or typed up helps you sort out what you're thinking. Part of the key is just to get it out; never mind too much about editing or coherency overall. I find some local editing is fine for me, but otherwise it's just stream of consciousness. And don't get stressed if you miss a day!

I used to journal ALL the time. I carried a notebook with me and you never saw me without it. I wrote everything I felt at every opportunity on a daily basis, and all of it (years and years worth) is in 3-ring notebooks in the basement.

However, when my life changed from a dark view to a light one, journaling was no longer something I seemed to need. It became less and less important to document or write down everything I felt when I was with John, because we talked about everything most of the time.

My journaling moved into two other areas, my Yahoo group, which is essentially my blog which was created to keep me in touch with people who wanted to be in touch, and only last year became sort of an unsafe place to vent. And my daily letter to John. Ever since we met, he wrote me a daily e-mail. It started on the BBS and now it's Internet, but it is very much a part of us, and a supplement to, not a substitute for conversation. So I use my daily e-mail to him to document my day, what happened, how I felt, etc. And when I write my monthly letter to all those people who enjoy getting it, I take that information from there.

You stated that posting here could qualify, well, I have resorted more to here than my own group after the fireworks with Katie and Ria last year, I admit that. I'm trying to get back though, where I can write how I feel in my group and however it gets taken, it just does.

I've been journalling on-and-off since July - right through the real start of separation and the birth of my son. It helps to get thoughts down. It makes it possible for me to put them aside without worrying if I'll forget them because they're on the page (well, in a file).

I agree, it really does help to write them down, or have other people be sounding boards to how you sound, how you feel, etc. It helps because it puts the words out there in front of you and you HAVE to face them then, because you wrote them down. I worried about writing how I was feeling in here last night because I knew that it might spiral into a serious discussion about why I should go back into therapy, but yet when I wrote it down and put it out there, I had to do something today, take some action to work on solving the problem, and I did that.

Also, several people have made it clear to me that it's very important that I talk to people about things and not to bottle it up. Amongst other things, it puts people around you who you are safe with and who care for you. And may encourage you in ways you aren't always expecting. It may be a little unorthodox, but *we* are part of your support system whilesoever you're here.

I agree here too, I know better than to bottle things up, and was sort of surprised to realize that I had almost unconsciously been holding those thoughts and fears inside. Which was another reason I forced myself to post both here and in my group, (which got me a call from Katie, by the way that really helped), and put it out there where it couldn't hide from detection anymore.

And it's funny that you point out that I feel safe with you all, and believe you care for me, (even when it doesn't always seem that way). Sometimes I wonder why I don't get down to this level with all the women on my Soap Opera group, but I don't know them as well. I haven't been around them "online" as long, and I don't know what to expect. I would probably get a lot more responses from them, for sure, than I get here sometimes, but the responses would be far less effective than the few responses I get here that do indeed kick me into motion or enlighten me about something I simply missed in the forest because I was looking at the trees.

I do try to keep your feelings in mind however, and try not to swamp things in here with my feelings or thoughts. But I don't have children to talk about their antics, I don't have a job to share my stresses about, this is what I have, my family, my life, my husband, and it's all I have to share. So yes, even though I could be attacked for some of what I say or feel, I DO feel safe in here, odd as it seems.

IWT is a known factor that I can predict to a degree, and feel comfortable with. No other group online that I'm in has that degree of security.

And before I get chewed up for not agreeing I should go back into therapy, (not really saying I shouldn't), the last thing my therapist told me, (and he retired and also gets my monthly letter by the way), was that I had all the tools I need now to cope. I just have to have the confidence to use them. I'm starting to learn that, I'm starting to draw up boundaries and say no when it's inconvenient, and that was NOTICED by people at the funeral. But when I write a post like I did the other night in here, I'm DOUBTING myself and my ability to use those tools.

Medication was never a regime for me, nothing worked without knocking me out or making me sick, and I had to learn a lot of other techniques to cope, which I'm a little rusty at using after my ordeal with my family. But I'm back on my feet, and starting to stand up for that, and feeling like I do have the tools, I just need to build up that confidence.

Thanks, and I'm still discussing all this with my doctor on the 4th. :)

Brenda