Like Scott, I find it difficult to respond to your posts because I feel all this armchair psychiatry is counterproductive and I dont want you to substitute this for real help. You need real help, Brenda. You're drowning in your anxiety and it's time to get some help. Talk to your doctor about it when you see him.

It's not depression. It's anxiety. And it's feeding off itself and you're spiraling down. Everything you're feeling- the depersonalization, the cognitive impairments, the sleep impairments- all anxiety. Sounds like your having some panic episodes, too.

You're life right now is being ruled by your internal "shoulds". You think "I should be doing this, I should be doing that". You're imposing these expectations on yourself and you're making yourself crazy. So what if you just got the Thank You cards out? So what if you dont have a Norman Rockwell Christmas? The world wont end. Nobody will die or get hurt. Life will go on. You're anxiety is turning even small things into a major catastrophe.

It would help you to see someone who specializes in cognitive behavioral therapy to help derail these destructive thought patterns you're having. Talk to your doc about adjusting your Xanax, also.

In the meantime, when you feel yourself spinning out of control, ask yourself:
What is the worst thing that will happen if I do/dont do XYZ?
Will it matter in 20 years?

When you start with the negative self-talk, ask yourself:
What evidence do I have that this is true?

You gotta get a handle on this anxiety. Go see someone!