Hey all,

I haven't been in here in awhile and I'm sorry. First I helped with a 60th Anniversary Surprise party for my mom and dad on October 21st, and that went really well. My dad's 98 year old sister Jeffie even was able to attend and we had about 70 people, so it was a big deal. :) Jeffie is also my cousin Katie's mom, if you might remember.

However, this past weekend Aunt Jeffie took a turn for the worse, and her blood pressure was really bad, and we were informed she might not make it through the day on Sunday. I called everyone we could and my mom and dad got over there to see her on Sunday morning, along with most of the family. I stayed home and manned the phone here which is my speciality, plus I covered for mom at church first.

Aunt Jeffie passed away at 4:45 p.m. Sunday afternoon (November 5th). She was peaceful, her blood pressure just slowly dropped that day. She was lucid, she knew everyone and was even reciting every family member's birthdates (accurately, I might add), up till the last. She just peacefully went to sleep surrounded by family in her son's home where they had set up a hospital bed.

Since that moment, I've been swamped calling and e-mailing people, helping with arrangements, and just generally coping and helping. I will be at this wake for the entire duration of it for the first time in my life, and I will admit I'm scared, but I intend to do it. Back when my cousin Katie and I first started our friendship, we bonded over the fear of being alone when our parents died, and made a promise to one another to stand by one another at the wakes. Despite all that has gone between Katie and I, I am upholding that promise, and she seems very grateful, so I would appreciate your prayers in coping with the wake and the funeral.

John won't be able to be there right away either, so I'm going to do the wake solo at first, and he is in Support this week and unable to get off so I'll be doing the whole funeral and graveside thing solo (i.e. without John). So I need a lot of strength and prayer to get through this.

I also don't cope with my dad when he grieves, he scared me to death when he fell apart when his brother died years ago, so I'm praying for the strength to handle it and not flee the place or hyperventilate if he breaks down.

Anyway, that's what's going on with me, and I'm sorry for any birthdays, job celebrations or losses, or any other things I have missed with all of you here. I'll do my best to get caught up soon, and thanks for all the birthday wishes. I'm 45 years old, even if I never feel like it. ;)

Brenda

I read the poem you sent me to, and I absolutely had chills. I also read it to my cousin Katie with the same result.

You see, at the last minute today the minister decided to ask everyone to contribute something to the Eulogy. I have been unable to even begin to think straight and write anything, but the poem summed the last few days up in a heartbeat!

I am taking the poetic license liberty of changing the first two lines, since she was not hooked up to any tubes or anything, but she was in a hospital bed:

If I'm lucky, I'll be home with my family,
Maybe in a hospital bed. I might look frail and pale.
But try not to be scared of me friends....(etc.)

I will of course credit the author, and indicate I revised a few lines, (changing he to she, for example as well), but this poem was meant to be read on Thursday as my contribution to the Eulogy, and will be, with proper credit to yourself and IWT.

Thank you from the bottom of my heart. :)

Brenda

We're all in this boat together. Come back to these forums when you can, we'll be waiting.

Thanks Carl. Actually, I kinda need some support this morning. As if I wasn't nervous enough about going to this wake all night tonight, and tomorrow's funeral, now my crazy cousin (the one who got drunk and high and tried to vault over the counter in the E.R. last year when they wouldn't let her into her dad's surgery room), is acting crazy, fighting with Katie's kids and planning to show up drunk and possibly high tonight at the wake.

I barely coped with her the first time she went nutso on booze and drugs, and now she's going to most likely cause a scene at the funeral home.

My question to all of you here is this, if she shows up and acts crazy, can the funeral home assist us in getting her under control, or should we be prepared to call the police?

Also, she was sneaking the booze at the hospital before, if we catch that she is going outside and drinking and getting drunker and drunker, what course of action would you recommend?

Both of Katie's daughters are so mad at her they're ready to knock her flat, right there in the Funeral home, but of course Katie is appalled at the idea of a fist fight breaking out at her mother's wake.

And I thought all I had to do was cope with the concept of being at a funeral! I think I might need a flak vest and a crash helmet for this one!

Strength.... I am praying for strength, patience and courage to get through this one....

Brenda

That was the first thing I thought of, even though it would also make a scene, if the male relatives aren't able to get her out of the building.

But my biggest fear is that she'll be going to the car and drinking (sneaking booze) and smoking pot every few minutes like at the hospital. I know I'll spot that, because I plan to be on the alert for it this time. We weren't aware what she was doing at the hospital until it was too late.

But we can't get her arrested for drinking in the car and coming back can we? Is there any course of action for that? I thought maybe trying to pour out her booze or something but that might incite her worse.

Thanks, and please have lots of prayer and good thoughts today that we can prevent this disaster from occurring tonight and tomorrow.

Brenda

P.S. Thanks Carl, I printed out that info and I plan to take it with me. I also was trying to find the Granite City police phone number but hopefully there will be someone at the Funeral home who will know that.

That was just what I needed to read before heading to bed tonight.

Update on things, I made it, I survived, I didn't hyperventilate (although if you touched me it was very obvious I was shaking a lot)....my panic anxiety was definitely there, and my heart raced off and on all night until John walked in the door around 7, but I stayed on my feet and functional and that was what I needed to do!

And get this, (and I realize it might not seem like a big deal for some of you, but that's ok), when my sister called in a panic saying she wasn't going to make it to St. Louis in time to get me to the wake at 3:00 p.m., I DROVE THERE MYSELF!

Anyone who knows my fears of playing around anywhere near Hwy 270 and 203,179. 178, etc.... because I tend to wind up in East St. Louis... (not somewhere I want to wind up), will recognize this as a major thing. Mom stayed home and waited for my sister, and I took my dad in my own car to Illinois by myself (as in - without John), and we got there fine. :) And amazingly, Dad said he was PROUD of me! I've always been the daughter who "would get lost", "wouldn't know what I was doing", "Couldn't do this or that" and today I proved otherwise (something I've known a long time but he would never concede), and man, hearing those words, unsolicited from dad... priceless and unforgettable. Being able to drive there though, I must admit, amazed even me, so I'm driving myself there again tomorrow, this time ALONE. :)

This has truly been a day of amazing firsts for me. Drove to and from Granite City in my car without John (but he led me out to the highway on the way home); Stayed from 2:30 till 9:30 p.m. at the Funeral Home without hyperventilating or passing out; and even (gasp) walked escorted (and shaking), to the casket and placed a Christmas card I had purchased for Jeffie, inside by her--THAT was the really hard one. ;)

Crazy aforementioned cousin arrived and was most definitely already "spacey" in some manner, but between all of us who encouraged her to be calm and kept her busy doing things to keep her mind off the "falling apart" aspect, there were NO incidents. (huge sigh).

Tomorrow is the actual funeral and graveside service, then back to the church for the dinner afterwards. I suspect if things are going to erupt with the afore mentioned cousin, it will probably be there, after we've coped with the cemetery and such. So I have a nice "armored" car (commonly fondly referred to by people as a "tank"), that will be there if I need to get inside and lock all the doors to avoid the combatants. ;)

So, now I need a good night's sleep, to be ready for tomorrow. Thank you ALL for your support and prayers, God did indeed make this all work. Now I just have one more day to deal with it and I get a break on Friday...away from the family. ;)

And the icing on the cake? I got an e-mail from Katie tonight afterwards telling me she didn't know how she would have ever gotten through tonight, had she not been able to glance through that crowd and see me there standing by if she needed me. Wow. What can I say. The chaotic events between the moment we became friends 3 years ago and today, suddenly seem so unimportant, and so meaningless, in the face of this friendship.

Brenda

P.S. If anyone would like to see what Aunt Jeffie looked like, there's a shot of her in 2004 on the home page of my family group. You don't have to do anything but go to the link and view the picture, the group is public. The shot is of me presenting to her the new and improved "old" Turnbow book (you know, the one I managed to get reprinted and bound in 2004), to her for the very first time. That's a memory I'm keeping forever. You can view the photo at the link below. She would have been about 95 or 96 then. She actually has the 3 ring version on her lap, it was created before we got the binding place worked out. :)

[link|http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Theturnbowtree/|http://groups.yahoo....p/Theturnbowtree/]