Post #228,981
10/10/05 6:12:41 PM
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I am just not coping :(
I know my problems are miniscule compared to needing a job to support your family, and having serious health issues, but lately I feel like I just can't cope.
I proved it to myself when I found myself just wanting to go lie on the bed and do absolutely nothing. I don't want to admit depression, but I think it's trying to happen.
I just feel so overwhelmed, that I look at things that need to be done, and just feel defeated before I start. There are so many "fires" to put out everywhere and I'm only one owl with one extinguisher...
I haven't felt this low in a long long time, and frankly it's taken me by surprise. It shouldn't be one, as I've been struggling with too many stresses for months, and I know it, but now it's like it suddenly slammed into me.
I feel like I'm struggling to hold together a huge jigsaw puzzle while someone keeps tilting the table and turning it over.
I know what I NEED to do, I need to see where and what I can eliminate or get less responsibility for, and I need to somehow prioritize this huge mess of to-do's that is overwhelming me.
Problem is, all I want to do is run, hide, sleep, escape.... anything to not deal anymore with anything.
Yep... definitely depressed. :(
Brenda
"I'll rock the darn boat all I want to, and if it's meant to stay afloat, then it will. If not, then we'll just all go down with the bloody ship!"
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Post #228,997
10/10/05 7:14:56 PM
10/10/05 7:16:18 PM
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So, just curl up in bed with . . .
. . a couple of books (not ones about depression) and let others cope for awhile. When you've forgotten what was bothering you get up and tell people if they didn't find a way to cope without you you're going back to bed until they do.
You may find yourself quite surprised at how much actually doesn't have to get done at all.
[link|http://www.aaxnet.com|AAx]
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Post #229,028
10/11/05 12:40:56 AM
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Re: So, just curl up in bed with . . .
. . a couple of books (not ones about depression) and let others cope for awhile. When you've forgotten what was bothering you get up and tell people if they didn't find a way to cope without you you're going back to bed until they do. Hehehe, I like that approach! ;) I'll consider it! You may find yourself quite surprised at how much actually doesn't have to get done at all. I'm trying to figure that out now, sorta trying to get things in some kind of priority order, because I think that would be a huge start... and I'm wanting to start with John, because I've not focused on him as much as I should have been lately. Brenda
"I'll rock the darn boat all I want to, and if it's meant to stay afloat, then it will. If not, then we'll just all go down with the bloody ship!"
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Post #228,998
10/10/05 7:17:05 PM
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Yep- depressed
It's a nasty beast. You know what to do. It's important that you force yourself to keep up with at least some portion of your daily routine. Small accomplishments throughout the day can help you feel productive and in control. You can do it!
Jesus was a star last week.
Now he's tending bar on Melrose.
Welcome to Hollywood.
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Post #229,031
10/11/05 12:47:14 AM
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Thanks Laura
Yeah, at least I haven't progressed to the stage where I do simply nothing. I am at least trying to stay on my routine some and force myself to do basic things. I really think I just need to do what Scott said, and recharge my energy and motivation levels somehow.
I appreciate the support though, that's something I've been lacking in this family situation because no one wants to "take sides" and I don't want to make anyone do that, so John has been my main support in the whole mess, and that's been a daily thing lately.
And I am sorry if anyone thinks I'm "whining" in here. I was honestly trying to do all this and handle all this myself for the most part, but there comes a point when you know you just can't, and I think that hit me today.
Thanks for the encouragement, it's very much needed.
Brenda
"I'll rock the darn boat all I want to, and if it's meant to stay afloat, then it will. If not, then we'll just all go down with the bloody ship!"
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Post #229,004
10/10/05 7:35:55 PM
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Don't beat yourself up.
I'm sorry you're feeling down. I know what it's like and it's not fun. :-(
It doesn't hurt to take a day off for yourself and do nothing for a change. Recharge your batteries a bit.
Don't let it drag out though. Get up tomorrow and do something fun for yourself before you attack a problem on your todo list. Have a long relaxing shower, for instance.
Don't worry about your cousin's PC or your car. Those things will get taken care of in time. What would happen if you were in Tibet for a month? :-)
If you don't snap out of it in a couple of days, go see your doctor. Don't let it drag out. Depression is a serious condition.
Hang in there.
Cheers,
Scott.
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Post #229,027
10/11/05 12:38:42 AM
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Thanks
I won't let it drag out, if it's not better by end of the week, I'll talk to the doctor. I've had situational depression before, and I can usually kick it myself.
John did wonders for me tonight, when he came home and found out how low I was feeling. I told him I would like to hear the Penguin Game tonight before Football some because they called Fleury up from the minors and he, Crosby and Lemieux would be playing together tonight. I then wistfully wished Sirius had video.
He took me out to the sports bar and I saw the entire game! Since I have no cell phone, no one could find us. It was great! Fleury is just plain awesome! They lost, but even that couldn't mar the fact that he stopped 32 or 33 of 36 shots on goal.
Someone also worked out getting Katie's computer back to me tomorrow so that CK can upgrade the RAM and fix a few bugs (for same cost), and my mom said she would play all the main music during the church service for the next three weeks so that I can focus on the stupid PA and playing the new music with Susan.
I'm trying not to worry about my car, Scott, but I'm not getting a lot of confidence in the new guy working on it at Dobbs.... tonight they called me and asked where my service manual was on my car. I told them in the trunk, and asked why they needed it? The manager told me that they needed the firing order for the spark plug wires. I said... are you telling me he took the wires all off without noting their order? Uh yeah, the manager said.
Crimeny.... and this guy is working on MY BABY? Eeek.
Ah well, at least solutions are starting to present themselves in some cases.
Brenda
"I'll rock the darn boat all I want to, and if it's meant to stay afloat, then it will. If not, then we'll just all go down with the bloody ship!"
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Post #229,033
10/11/05 1:04:15 AM
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I'll pray for you and send good vibes your way
As to the car, the firing order is 1-8-4-3-6-5-7-2, and ANY mechanic worth his salt should know that by heart, because it's the most common V8 firing order there is!
HTH!
--
Steve
[link|http://www.ubuntulinux.org|Ubuntu]
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Post #229,039
10/11/05 1:34:28 AM
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Thanks so much!
I made a note of the order in case they call me tomorrow to tell me the repair manual doesn't have it in there.
That helps me feel less uneasy about the car anyway, thanks.
I sure miss my old mechanic... too bad he quit. :(
Brenda
"I'll rock the darn boat all I want to, and if it's meant to stay afloat, then it will. If not, then we'll just all go down with the bloody ship!"
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Post #229,036
10/11/05 1:25:13 AM
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Suggest massive chocolate infusion
Not that cheap Hersheys stuff either. Get something with some cocoa content.
"Whenever you find you are on the side of the majority, it is time to pause and reflect" --Mark Twain
"The significant problems we face cannot be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them." --Albert Einstein
"This is still a dangerous world. It's a world of madmen and uncertainty and potential mental losses." --George W. Bush
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Post #229,040
10/11/05 1:35:11 AM
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Small problem...
I'm not big on chocolate. ;)
I do have some wild orange and brown M & M's though, will they do?
Brenda
"I'll rock the darn boat all I want to, and if it's meant to stay afloat, then it will. If not, then we'll just all go down with the bloody ship!"
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Post #229,097
10/11/05 12:13:12 PM
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Not M&Ms, get something from Belgium
you know, the good stuff. Look for high cocoa content. The better bars will list this.
"Whenever you find you are on the side of the majority, it is time to pause and reflect" --Mark Twain
"The significant problems we face cannot be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them." --Albert Einstein
"This is still a dangerous world. It's a world of madmen and uncertainty and potential mental losses." --George W. Bush
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Post #229,100
10/11/05 12:16:16 PM
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Or Swiss. Lindt chocolate. Melt in your mouth yumminess.
Jesus was a star last week.
Now he's tending bar on Melrose.
Welcome to Hollywood.
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Post #229,085
10/11/05 11:38:32 AM
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You know, he has a point there.
Chocolate will increase your serotonin level. Works like an SSRI and it's so much more satisfying than swallowing a pill! (I'm not discounting antidepressants. When I'm PMSing I thank all the scientists who created prozac. But a little self-care doesnt hurt, either)
FYI- in the Harry Potter books, Harry was given chocolate when he faced dementors. The dementors are depression personified. When you come in contact with one you feel like you will never be cheerful again. So what is the cure? Chocolate! There is some real science in those books.
Jesus was a star last week.
Now he's tending bar on Melrose.
Welcome to Hollywood.
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Post #229,065
10/11/05 9:55:17 AM
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Sounds like it, awright...
...recognize it first hand. The others here have some very good ideas (I especially like the chocolate infusion technique...). Here's one more: Identify any accomplishment you make during the day...and I mean anything: Doing the dishes, brushing your hair just right, typing a sentence in response to a post without having to hit the backspace key (I'm still working on that one...;-) )...whatever, and own it...revel in it. You'll be surprised at how many good things you can identify. It'll make you feel better...and you'll be able to accomplish more...and identify more good things you've accomplished... so you'll feel better...so you'll be able to accomplish more..........
Oh, yeah, one more thing: Stop drinking that StL water, goddammit!
jb4
shrub●bish (Am., from shrub + rubbish, after the derisive name for America's 43 president; 2003) n. 1. a form of nonsensical political doubletalk wherein the speaker attempts to defend the indefensible by lying, obfuscation, or otherwise misstating the facts; GIBBERISH. 2. any of a collection of utterances from America's putative 43rd president. cf. BULLSHIT
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Post #229,078
10/11/05 11:12:12 AM
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Probably just pre-NLCS angst knowing that the Cards...
...are fixing to lose to the Astros. :-)
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Post #229,104
10/11/05 12:27:40 PM
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Small problem there Chris
I Love the Astros. ;)Cardinals are my 2nd favorite baseball team, and I'm not even all that into baseball anymore.
Brenda
"I'll rock the darn boat all I want to, and if it's meant to stay afloat, then it will. If not, then we'll just all go down with the bloody ship!"
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Post #229,251
10/12/05 3:44:39 AM
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Update
Sometimes I think you have to hit the lowest point before you can climb back up.
That said, I've been doing a lot better, I've been listening to all your suggestions, and etc. I've been keeping busy, and forcing my routine to happen at least some, like you said, Laura.
While we were out tonight, I got some extra dark chocolate, but I decided not to try eating any tonight as I had enough of a caffiene rush before bedtime Monday night already. So I'll try that out tomorrow. ;)
I've reduced duties in various places, straightened up several messes that were bugging me in my house, (that's an example Another Scott, of doing something I like doing before doing for everyone else), and I have been counting my accomplishments, like you said to, JB4. :)
I got my car back, and she seems fine, and Katie got her "new" computer back to me and the tech guy picked it up so it's being fixed as we speak. We're putting my old U.S. Robotics 56K external modem on it, and he's upping the RAM. :)
I reduced all the piles overwhelming me for the last few weeks to THREE piles left on my card table to deal with tomorrow, Church stuff, Stuff to file, and stuff to read/browse or pitch. I made a Priority To Do list, and instead of trying to type it all at once, which wasn't working, I printed it out with numbers and wrote on it all day as things occurred to me.
I don't know if I could have pulled out of this this quickly without your support and suggestions. I took them all into consideration. No Andrew, I haven't curled up with a book in bed yet, but I still just MIGHT. ;)
Thanks to all for your prayers, support, suggestions, etc. I hope I'm headed back up, because down is really no fun.
Brenda
"I'll rock the darn boat all I want to, and if it's meant to stay afloat, then it will. If not, then we'll just all go down with the bloody ship!"
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Post #229,264
10/12/05 8:44:51 AM
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Good for you! Hang in there.
Jesus was a star last week.
Now he's tending bar on Melrose.
Welcome to Hollywood.
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Post #229,276
10/12/05 10:36:20 AM
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Glad to hear, keep it up!
--
Steve
[link|http://www.ubuntulinux.org|Ubuntu]
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Post #229,478
10/13/05 4:18:20 PM
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Good news, Owlsley!
jb4
shrub●bish (Am., from shrub + rubbish, after the derisive name for America's 43 president; 2003) n. 1. a form of nonsensical political doubletalk wherein the speaker attempts to defend the indefensible by lying, obfuscation, or otherwise misstating the facts; GIBBERISH. 2. any of a collection of utterances from America's putative 43rd president. cf. BULLSHIT
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Post #229,519
10/13/05 9:48:07 PM
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Thanks to everyone
I'm still not completely okay, and I know it. I didn't have a crying jag for the first time yesterday after having at least one a day for several weeks. But today isn't over yet.
I also wonder if maybe staying busy to not dwell on it is a way of avoiding the issues? I don't want to be in denial or avoidance, if that's the case. Yesterday I finally tackled my basement ALONE since the fleas invaded and cleared up a lot of stuff. Not everything, and I did still have to wear white, but I was so focused on staying busy and my anxiety that I wasn't sad/melancholy.
I know I can't kick this in a day, I'm that realistic. So is it avoidance to try not to think about the issues that are depressing me, or does it help?
Oh and I tried the chocolate infusion technique... man that stuff has a KICK. ;)
Brenda
"I'll rock the darn boat all I want to, and if it's meant to stay afloat, then it will. If not, then we'll just all go down with the bloody ship!"
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