Re: Yes, I'm using an alias.
My Q is, am I expecting too much? I mean, his PC trouble-shooting skills suck, but I realize that takes time. The other stuff indicates to me that he just can't think. And imo, you can't teach people to think. Which leaves only one alternative and I really, really, really hate to terminate anyone. But I don't see any other option in this case.
I would consider the not calling in on the second sick day minor. It's not a big deal and what is expected in cases like that varies from company to company and boss to boss.
The Ebay thing you don't give enough context to know just how bad it is. If you where talking with him about getting rid of some excess spare parts, then he is just showing a rather limited grasp of how companies work. I would question what he was thinking if it was something he suggested to you out of the blue though.
The other stuff you mention is bad though. Not understanding the difference between Windows 95 and Netware means he doesn't really understand either or what networks and operating systems are. And the thing about not giving the laptop to the VP shows a complete lack of grasp of what is important or how to follow simple directions.
Without knowing more information and background, I don't know if I would fire him. But given what you said, I would certainly be considering it. At the very least, you need to take him aside privately and try to talk some sense into him.
Jay