Post #196,705
2/28/05 8:16:05 PM
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I've been sitting in front of this computer all day.
My ass is numb. I have a splitting headache. Please, someone, tell me a good joke. I really need it right now!! >:-(.
"I think animal testing is a terrible idea; they get all nervous and give the wrong answers."
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Post #196,706
2/28/05 8:26:58 PM
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Hunter/gatherer societies got by on 6 hours of work a week
Okay, so it's our lives that are the joke. Sorry.
===
Purveyor of Doc Hope's [link|http://DocHope.com|fresh-baked dog biscuits and pet treats]. [link|http://DocHope.com|http://DocHope.com]
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Post #196,707
2/28/05 8:37:46 PM
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take 2 assburns and call me in the morning
Any opinions expressed by me are mine alone, posted from my home computer, on my own time as a free american and do not reflect the opinions of any person or company that I have had professional relations with in the past 48 years. meep questions, help? [link|mailto:pappas@catholic.org|email pappas at catholic.org]
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Post #196,709
2/28/05 8:42:33 PM
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My wife and I were happy for twenty years.
Then we met. - [link|http://joecasaletto.com/jokes/rodney.htm|Rodney Dangerfield].
:-)
Cheers, Scott.
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Post #196,710
2/28/05 8:46:37 PM
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You've probably heard it, but it has to do with biology, ...
BODY MEETING:
All the organs of the body were having a meeting, trying to decide who was the one in charge.
"I should be in charge," said the brain, "because I run all the body's systems, so without me nothing would happen".
"I should be in charge," said the blood, "because I circulate oxygen all over so without me you'd all waste away."
"I should be in charge," said the stomach," because I process food and give all of you energy."
"I should be in charge," said the legs, "because I carry the body wherever it needs to go."
"I should be in charge," said the eyes, "because I allow the body to see where it goes."
"I should be in charge," said the rectum, "Because I'm responsible for waste removal."
All the other body parts laughed at the rectum and insulted him, so in a huff, he shut down tight.
Within a few days, the brain had a terrible headache, the stomach was bloated, the legs got wobbly, the eyes got watery, and the blood was toxic. They all decided that the rectum should be the boss.
The Moral of the story?
The asshole is usually in charge!
Alex
The trouble with the world is that the stupid are cocksure and the intelligent are full of doubt. -- Bertrand Russell
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Post #196,728
3/1/05 12:06:49 AM
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I'll tell you true stories
My mother was a schoolteacher.
One day she was on yard duty, and she broke up a fight between 2 kids, grades 2-3 or so. She asked them why they were fighting.
One of them, a picture of wronged innocence, pointed the accusing finger at the other and sobbed out, He hit me back first!
Several years ago a woman was going back to New York after a visit to her parents in Ontario. On the interstate she got stopped for speeding, got a ticket, and told the officer, "By the way do you want a homemade cookie? My mother always gives me way too much." The officer accepted.
A couple of hundred miles later she was stopped again. This time she wasn't speeding though, so when the officer came up she asked him what she'd been stopped for. He said, "Oh you haven't done anything wrong, but I heard that you were handing out wonderful cookies!"
Sometimes someone comes up with something that just leaves you flatfooted. One of the best ones that happened to me was the time that a smart aleck I knew walked up to me and said, Hi, I hear you're BenTilly retarded!
Cheers, Ben
I have come to believe that idealism without discipline is a quick road to disaster, while discipline without idealism is pointless. -- Aaron Ward (my brother)
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Post #196,772
3/1/05 11:17:23 AM
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Oh, this is so rich!
Thanks for my new e-mail sig.
>>>>>>>>>>>>> One of them, a picture of wronged innocence, pointed the accusing finger at the other and sobbed out, He hit me back first! <<<<<<<<<<<<<
--
And what are we doing when the two most powerful nations on earth -- America and Israel -- stomp on the elementary rights of human beings?
-- letter to the editor from W. Ostermeier, Liechtenstein
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Post #196,776
3/1/05 12:04:06 PM
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:-)
I have come to believe that idealism without discipline is a quick road to disaster, while discipline without idealism is pointless. -- Aaron Ward (my brother)
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Post #196,763
3/1/05 10:02:07 AM
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:-)
Very amusing. Now I'm smiling. I am not looking forward to another day of mind-numbing data entry, but I shall push forward with a smile on my face and a cushion under my ass.
"I think animal testing is a terrible idea; they get all nervous and give the wrong answers."
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Post #196,782
3/1/05 12:25:12 PM
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ICLRPD (new thread)
Created as new thread #196781 titled [link|/forums/render/content/show?contentid=196781|ICLRPD]
-- Steve
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Post #196,783
3/1/05 12:26:08 PM
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hrm
If it's MIND numbing work, why do you need a cushion for your ass??
-- Steve
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Post #196,785
3/1/05 12:44:50 PM
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It's where she keeps her head?
Sorry, it was too easy.
===
Purveyor of Doc Hope's [link|http://DocHope.com|fresh-baked dog biscuits and pet treats]. [link|http://DocHope.com|http://DocHope.com]
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Post #196,788
3/1/05 1:34:14 PM
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Not me
This guy:
[link|http://politicalhumor.about.com/library/images/blbushheadsup.htm|http://politicalhumo...blbushheadsup.htm]
"I think animal testing is a terrible idea; they get all nervous and give the wrong answers."
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Post #196,839
3/1/05 7:06:36 PM
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Explain the data entry
Most of are computer geeks here who would rather commit hari kari than do data entry. In most cases, there is a way around it, but the people doing it just don't realize.
Where is the data coming from, and where is it going to?
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Post #196,855
3/1/05 9:29:46 PM
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paper to electronic I would guess, setting up experimental
runs on lines thanx, bill
Any opinions expressed by me are mine alone, posted from my home computer, on my own time as a free american and do not reflect the opinions of any person or company that I have had professional relations with in the past 48 years. meep questions, help? [link|mailto:pappas@catholic.org|email pappas at catholic.org]
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Post #196,902
3/2/05 9:50:21 AM
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Paper to Excel
Lots and lots of paper........
"I think animal testing is a terrible idea; they get all nervous and give the wrong answers."
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Post #196,908
3/2/05 11:12:11 AM
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Aren't undergrads cheap?
I have come to believe that idealism without discipline is a quick road to disaster, while discipline without idealism is pointless. -- Aaron Ward (my brother)
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Post #196,911
3/2/05 11:53:18 AM
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Hey, this is what they pay me the big bucks!
"I think animal testing is a terrible idea; they get all nervous and give the wrong answers."
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Post #196,912
3/2/05 12:00:46 PM
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Outsource yourself
Find three typists in Bangladesh. Email them scans of the work each night, get it in your inbox in the morning. Pay them half of what you get, take on three times the work. Everybody wins.
[image|/forums/images/warning.png|0|This is sarcasm...]
Maybe
===
Purveyor of Doc Hope's [link|http://DocHope.com|fresh-baked dog biscuits and pet treats]. [link|http://DocHope.com|http://DocHope.com]
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Post #196,942
3/2/05 6:37:27 PM
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That is NOT a sarcastic answer
I was going to suggest something like it, but with a twist. All 3 keyers key in the same data. A program compares the 3 results, and allows the matches to be tagged as correct. The only downside is the possibility of certain types of data (numerically intensive) that multiple people can have the same typos over.
I did essentially the same thing by downloading a database over noisy come lines via a scrolling screen capture. Pulled 50 MB of data with NO error checking and lots of lines "bursts", perfectly.
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Post #197,001
3/3/05 9:38:55 AM
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Too late
Project is done, thank God. On to bigger and better things. I absolutely cannot stand glaring into a computer monitor all day. Dont know how you guys do it.
"I think animal testing is a terrible idea; they get all nervous and give the wrong answers."
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Post #197,006
3/3/05 10:18:50 AM
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It is easy...
We have all developed immunity to its effect.
Why else do you think most of us are classified as "geek" or "guru" or "god" or some cobimnation of the three?
-- [link|mailto:greg@gregfolkert.net|greg], [link|http://www.iwethey.org/ed_curry|REMEMBER ED CURRY!] @ iwethey[link|http://it.slashdot.org/comments.pl?sid=134485&cid=11233230|"Microsoft Security" is an even better oxymoron than "Military Intelligence"] No matter how much Microsoft supporters whine about how Linux and other operating systems have just as many bugs as their operating systems do, the bottom line is that the serious, gut-wrenching problems happen on Windows, not on Linux, not on Mac OS. -- [link|http://www.eweek.com/article2/0,1759,1622086,00.asp|source]
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Post #197,010
3/3/05 11:05:31 AM
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I think of the monitor as a window
Into a world that is a lot more intellectually stimulating than the outside. Of course I also make sure to go and enjoy that outside as well.
Cheers, Ben
I have come to believe that idealism without discipline is a quick road to disaster, while discipline without idealism is pointless. -- Aaron Ward (my brother)
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Post #197,072
3/3/05 5:21:44 PM
8/21/07 5:52:40 AM
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Easy - we keep hoping for new messages from people like you
to help us move a little bit forwards through our dreary little lives.
"Whenever you find you are on the side of the majority, it is time to pause and reflect" --Mark Twain
"The significant problems we face cannot be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them." --Albert Einstein
"This is still a dangerous world. It's a world of madmen and uncertainty and potential mental losses." --George W. Bush
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Post #197,179
3/4/05 9:36:07 AM
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That's the nicest thing I've heard all week.
Thanks.
"I think animal testing is a terrible idea; they get all nervous and give the wrong answers."
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Post #197,185
3/4/05 9:57:48 AM
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Todd succeeds it. You fail it.
:-)
Peter [link|http://www.ubuntulinux.org|Ubuntu Linux] [link|http://www.kuro5hin.org|There is no K5 Cabal] [link|http://guildenstern.dyndns.org|Home] Use P2P for legitimate purposes!
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Post #197,087
3/3/05 6:19:53 PM
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Interesting choice of words
> I absolutely cannot stand glaring into a computer monitor all day.
You are "glaring"? Or the screen has "glare"?
My screens don't. Work in a dim room, indirect lighting, never any light behind me to reflect.
> Dont know how you guys do it.
First of all, I don't do data entry. Ever.
I spend a LOT more time thinking and reading than I do typing. Probably by a factor of 100.
I also almost never use the phone when I am at the office. If I want to talk to someone I jump up and go over to their area. That way I get my answers very quickly, and I get a bit of exercise. It annoys the hell out of people who want to hide from me, though.
I also will take several breaks a day and merely wander around. If my boss asks me what I'm doing, I reply: Wasting time while I decompress.
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Post #197,101
3/3/05 8:25:27 PM
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I call those "non-smoking breaks", since I don't smoke. :-)
Is it enough to love Is it enough to breathe Somebody rip my heart out And leave me here to bleed
| | Is it enough to die Somebody save my life I'd rather be Anything but Ordinary Please
| -- "Anything but Ordinary" by Avril Lavigne. |
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Post #197,178
3/4/05 9:34:29 AM
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Because I hated the damn project so much
I glared at the computer. And snarled. And cursed. And rubbed my aching temples and my numb ass. "Glare" was the perfect word.
"I think animal testing is a terrible idea; they get all nervous and give the wrong answers."
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Post #197,191
3/4/05 11:08:12 AM
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Which worsened your impression of computers...
Creating a feedback loop. - You hate projects involving lots of computer time.
- By association you learn to hate the idea of lots of computer time.
- When presented with a project involving lots of computer time, you stress about all of that computer time that you'll have to face.
- Leading you to hate the project involving lots of computer time.
Cheers, Ben
I have come to believe that idealism without discipline is a quick road to disaster, while discipline without idealism is pointless. -- Aaron Ward (my brother)
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Post #197,207
3/4/05 1:24:07 PM
8/21/07 5:55:21 AM
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Give her a break - she was using excel
Any MS product will do that to a person after awhile.
"Whenever you find you are on the side of the majority, it is time to pause and reflect" --Mark Twain
"The significant problems we face cannot be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them." --Albert Einstein
"This is still a dangerous world. It's a world of madmen and uncertainty and potential mental losses." --George W. Bush
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Post #197,212
3/4/05 1:46:19 PM
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True
I have come to believe that idealism without discipline is a quick road to disaster, while discipline without idealism is pointless. -- Aaron Ward (my brother)
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