And right there is your fuck-up, in spades
Ross is right on this, Norm.
Your list of causes for your problems omits the only important one, you. Stop fucking wallowing in your own self-pity and wake up to reality someday.
Reality is that we ALL have problems, and the only one who can do anything about your personal problems is yourself. If you wish to declare yourself a victim forever, nothing can stop you. And nothing can stop the people who done you wrong from claiming that they are victims of their own circumstances ad nauseum.
But the fact is that if you really cared to take responsibility for yourself, you could. You could choose to deal with your own crap and live a better life. And pretty much everyone here knows it, which is why you don't get a lot of sympathy.
Oh yeah, I know what you are thinking about this. He doesn't really know what I've been through, what does he know of trouble? No, I'm not going into specifics. But I've seen enough of trouble, both directly and indirectly, to recognize self-pitying pap when I see it. And to recognize that the first step towards actually doing something about it is killing the whining self-pity.
IIRC you have kids. In which case you don't just have to do it for yourself. Do it for them. Remember this, if they grow up seeing you spend your life whining about being a victim, you have just handed them a load of your crap to grow up with and given them no role-model for how to deal with their own problems. And if they don't figure out how to do what you are avoiding doing, then when they grow up their litany of woes will include having you as their father.
And they'll be right. Just as you're right. And they'll miss the point just as you are doing. They can't help having had you as a dad. The only one who can control how much of a burden vs asset having you as a dad was is you. The ones who have to deal with the consequences are them. But you can make it easier.
Here is how you can make it easier. By taking responsibility for your own life. Now. That way you pass along less shit. And give them a model for how to deal with their own.
Despite every excuse that you can invent. The only excuse that you need is, I'm improving, and ____ is my current focus to make sure that I continue to improve. Every time you feel inclined to give more excuses, review what improvements you have made. Make the first improvement be, I've been dealt whatever hand I've been dealt, but it is up to me to do something about it.
Regards,
Ben
