You are, of course, correct, except for one thing

Post #133,003 by orion 12/31/03 12:59:35 PM Reply	You are, of course, correct, except for one thing I do not enjoy it. It is not productive and I am not taking it seriously. Not really sure why I did it in the first place. Must be part of my insanity creeping back on me? :) *"Lady I only speak two languages, English and Bad English!" - Corbin Dallas "The Fifth Element"*
Post #133,011 by Andrew Grygus 12/31/03 1:35:47 PM Reply	I used to wallow in self pity . . . . and depression now and then, though it was never a really big thing for me. Then one day, in the depths of dispair, I stepped back and took a look at myself from outside and noticed how I was enjoying the hell out of it in a perverse sort of way. I haven't been able to have a decent depression since (not that I really want to), I just can't take it seriously any more. Of course, like most young men, I had rounds of suicidalism, but that didn't work out either. I'd think about what I'd put in my suicide note, then look at my surroundings and think "who's going to respect the suicidal sentiments of someone who dies in this sort of self-imposed squalor", so I'd set about cleaning house in preparation. This was self defeating, of course. Who wants to commit suicide when you've just finished up your work and have a nice clean and orderly house. Time to go out and and try to lure some chicks. [link\|http://www.aaxnet.com\|AAx]
Post #133,013 by deSitter 12/31/03 1:39:41 PM Reply	Re: I used to wallow in self pity . . I'm so depressed I feel better, because the one thing I enjoyed, being depressed, is lost, o weh! -drl
Post #133,015 by orion 12/31/03 1:48:25 PM Reply	The difference seems to be that when I wanted to die, I didn't clean house, I didn't care what other people thought about me, I just wanted to end the suffering. I didn't want to take anyone with me, so a car wreck was out of the question. Fighting depression is like fighting The Devil, even if you win, you've lost something, and it always seems to come back later. At least it is that way for me. I don't like being depressed, I do not enjoy it. I can't seem to snap out of it, like some people can and do. If not for my depression, I could do great things. Instead I am just another bum, another idiot, who cannot seem to do much. *"Lady I only speak two languages, English and Bad English!" - Corbin Dallas "The Fifth Element"*
Post #133,160 by Nightowl 1/1/04 5:15:41 PM Reply	Re: The difference seems to be that when I wanted to die, I didn't clean house, I didn't care what other people thought about me, I just wanted to end the suffering. Same here. I didn't do jack about it, except want to die. At least I wrote a lot, which is probably what saved me throughout it all. Nightowl >8# This space left blank till Owl can change her quote.
Post #133,166 by orion 1/1/04 6:01:51 PM Reply	A friend of mine didn't do that he didn't write about it or tell anyone until it was too late. I've saved myself by telling others about it before I went and did something. *"Lady I only speak two languages, English and Bad English!" - Corbin Dallas "The Fifth Element"*
Post #133,016 by deSitter 12/31/03 1:49:20 PM Reply	YOU WERE NEVER INSANE WHO TELLS YOU THIS HORSESHIT? HAVE YOU EVER SEEN REAL, SPONGY BRAIN INSANE? You're a narcissist, it can be fixed. And you DO enjoy it, it's obvious. Every "depressed" person I ever knew enjoyed it. When I was depressed, I enjoyed it. There is a gigantic difference between sadness and depression. Sadness and grief are natural reactions to loss. It might last years. Depression is a defensive reaction the narcissict throws up to maintain the narcissistic supply, even if it does have to come from the narcissist himself. Filling your head with legal drugs is no different in principle or practice than filling them with illegal ones (unless you are schizophrenic or neurologically insane - the latter meaning, mad cow sponge city, missing frontal lobe, hopeless hippocampus...). It's a way to maintain the self-involvement of the narcissist. BTW, I very strongly suspect most "therapists" are themselves narcissists, who dig the attention and control that the position brings, so I would not trust one for a second. I can honestly say I've never seen a psych in person or on the news or anywhere that didn't give me the utter willies. -drl
Post #133,021 by orion 12/31/03 2:39:17 PM Reply	You do not even know me that well you have only met me a few times. Hardly enough to judge if I am sane or not. I am insane, because actions I took were insane, esp here. Just ask anyone I pissed off, they will either call me insane or an idiot. *"Lady I only speak two languages, English and Bad English!" - Corbin Dallas "The Fifth Element"*
Post #133,022 by pwhysall 12/31/03 2:41:05 PM Reply	wanker != insane Peter [link\|http://www.debian.org\|Shill For Hire] [link\|http://www.kuro5hin.org\|There is no K5 Cabal] [link\|http://guildenstern.dyndns.org\|Blog]
Post #133,024 by deSitter 12/31/03 2:47:28 PM Reply	Re: You do not even know me that well No, medically insane is very specific with grotesquely distorted alpha patterns and associated behaviors - uncontrollable tremors, tics, loss of control of body functions, etc. etc. etc. You don't recover from insanity any more than you recover from castration. Charles Manson is insane. Legal insanity is a definition. Medical insanity is a neurological pathology. -drl
Post #133,027 by orion 12/31/03 3:06:46 PM Reply	There is temporary insanity I seem to suffer from several weeks of it, due to my schitzo-affective disorder. Or so I have been told. *"Lady I only speak two languages, English and Bad English!" - Corbin Dallas "The Fifth Element"*
Post #133,029 by deSitter 12/31/03 3:12:44 PM Reply	No, there is not Is there temporary castration? That again is a legal definition. The reasons these stupid definitions exist is the confusion wrought by wankology - er - psychiatry. An insane person is demented for good because the brain is organically wrecked. I'm not talking about being paranoid about your coworkers giving you undoable projects. -drl
Post #133,032 by Andrew Grygus 12/31/03 3:28:50 PM Reply	The word you are looking for is not 'insane' . . . . but "nutcase". I'ts perfectly possible to be a "nutcase", even a "serious nutcase", without being insane. I would say at your peak you easily qualified for "serious nutcase", maybe even "very serious nutcase". [link\|http://www.aaxnet.com\|AAx]
Post #133,040 by orion 12/31/03 4:10:19 PM Reply	I'll agree with that once again you give me wise words on the subject. A nutcase it is then. :) *"Lady I only speak two languages, English and Bad English!" - Corbin Dallas "The Fifth Element"*
Post #133,161 by Nightowl 1/1/04 5:20:21 PM Reply	Depression & Enjoyment ...And you DO enjoy it, it's obvious. Every "depressed" person I ever knew enjoyed it. When I was depressed, I enjoyed it. There is a gigantic difference between sadness and depression. Sadness and grief are natural reactions to loss. It might last years. Depression is a defensive reaction the narcissict throws up to maintain the narcissistic supply, even if it does have to come from the narcissist himself. Well, you didn't know me, but I did NOT enjoy my depression. Mine was however, a chemical imbalance, and it messed me up in ways I can't explain well. I didn't eat right, sleep right, function right, nothing. I drove my car off into a ditch and luckily, the chemical problem was discovered. The entire time I was depressed, I was confused as to why, didn't get it, and didn't understand it. I certainly didn't enjoy it. I wish I had sought help sooner, but it was kinda like the illness of "Walking Pneumonia" you didn't know you had it till you collapsed. Nightowl >8# This space left blank till Owl can change her quote.

Welcome to IWETHEY!