I would go with IBM DB2; however, IBM does not seem to have made up its mind on the pricing yet last time I checked. At one point it cost more than SQL Server, at another it cost less, and I got a "We'll get back to you" when I asked them how much 20 client licneses would cost. IBM just isn't the same company that it once was. Someone should either put it out of its misery, or buy the f*cker out and get rid of all the pinheaded brain-dead MBA managers and marketers than ruin the company and replace them with computer geeks/nerds like us.

that because MySQL runs Slashdot and Kuro5hin, my coworkers have two good reasons not to go with it because they use Slashdot and Kuro5hin as bad examples of how to run a database and how to run an almost anarchic forum with little to no security where script-kiddies, trolls, and spammers have multiple accounts and basically run the f*cking place? Where are the moderators? If the moderators won't do their job, f*ck, I'll volunteer and clear the whole house up and disable the accounts of the script-kiddies, trolls, and spammers. Then with the remaining 10% of the users left, the database performance should be a lot better with 90% of the "noise" gone.

Trolls/Spammers like "RobotSlave" run Kuro5hin from his Adequacy.org website because Rusty and company are too much of whimps to do anything about it. Give me access and "RobotSlave" and his 300 Adequacy.org accounts that originate from the same IP will be "Inactive" by blocking the damn IP! I'm getting tired of seeing him promote Adequacy.org on every other post that he makes. I'll write up the damn TOS agreement if K5 won't, but chances are that RS and his 300+ accounts will vote it down.

Where the fuck did I say that I want to use Microsoft? If so, why the fuck am I asking for alternatives?

When I assign some asshole who deserves a "0" on K5 for trolling or spamming, he assigns "1"'s to all my comments so that I cannot assign him any more "0"'s. Thus removing my ability to moderate posts that violate guidelines. Then when I fight back and assign "1"'s to his comments that are obvious trolls or spammings, I get called a crapflooder? Is it K5 or the WWE, I am confused?

Yes I know that K5 or /. are not databases; however, they do have a DB engine behind them. I am not confused over that fact. I didn't bring them up, my coworkers did. I'd use fucking mySQL right now, except that I have two coworkers standing in my way bitching at me because there is no stored procedures, etc. I could show them a working Linux system; however, I find myself unable to get one working except a vary old copy from 1995 or 1997 when I did Linux for that small company that I listed on my resume that I had started in 1995 to 1997 with my business partner who still owes me $9000USD in stock because I sold the business over to him and he still owes me for it. Yes thank you I know how to fucking read a man page, yes thank you I know how to get Linux working and I am fucking rusty a bit from not running a working Linux box for a few years. If I keep getting treated like a newbie every time I have an issue and ask for help, I'll fucking respond in this way. I am fucking tired of being a nice guy, I want to be Mr. Hyde for a while because Dr. Jeckle does not appear to be getting results.

for not giving out more details and being psychic enough to know that you wanted my MAC address, the DNS servers, CPU ID of my chip, serial number, social security number, mother's maidnen name, blood type, astrological sign, date of birth, right tumb print, Iris Scan, sperm sample, urine sample, notory public seal of aproval on a loyalty oath to the Open Sourced Community, and $15 sent to your Paypal account before you could help me? :)

I apeciate your help. When you guys yell and scream at me instead of saying "Norm, I need the details of your hardware. Video card, motherboard, CPU, etc." it really hurts my feelings. My feelings have been hurt a lot in many areas of my life, so I am learning how to fight back again.

If and when K5's moderation system gets fixed, I will go back. If you guys are nicer to me, I might go back sooner. :)

Thanks for the offer of sending and shipping a machine to me, when I talked to Peter about that I was called a whiner.

Details of my test system:

System Name: ADAMA

CPU: Pentum MMX 200Mhz

Motherboard chipset: Intel i430VX

BIOS: AWARD 4.51 11/10/97

RAM: 64M

Video: S3 VirgeDX aka 86C375/86C385 BIOS 1.01

Hard Drive: Western Digital 6G IDE Hard Drive.

Monitor: Generic EMC 17" model 772 (KVM Switch for four systems, same monitor, same serial muse, same keyboard)

Linux: Red Hat 7.3

What else do you wish to know, friend? It has a 24X IDE CD-ROM drive, 3.5" floppy, Realtek 8029 PCI Ethernet 10Mbit card, no audio card, nothing else I can think of. Someone sent me the Red Hat 7.3 CD because the CDR images that I burned kept complaining about a "Media Error" even at 2X or 1X burn speeds. So this is the original Red Hat 7.3 Evaluation CD. Supposed to work right out of the box.

Problems: "X Windows" software aka XFree86 is unable to load. Reports "Missing Fixed Width Font" and sometimes a "Missing Screen" and then exits back to the command prompt. I'd give you the whole screen text, if I hadn't gotten fustrated by getting called a whiner and low level formatted the hard drive and installed NT 4.0 Server instead. Yeah GRUB would not go away, so I commited a sin by low level formatting the hard drive, and not learning why GRUB all of a sudden was a Freddy Kruger or Jason Vorhees that I could not get rid of and kept getting up every time I thought I had killed him.

Version of MySQL used: 3.32.51 someone mentioned a 4.0, I assume that I need to go grab me a new tarball? I will be running it both on Windows and Linux, if possible.

Stored Procedures, oh heck yeah, so much easier to just call "sp_getemployees" than building your own SQL String with 16 tables, 32 indexes, and 48 selectable columns. Can't imagine why anyone would want to run "sp_getemployees" instead of about 6 pages of SQL Code in their SQL Queries? My job with the Lawyers required me to do that, they bought [link|http://www.cmsopen.com|CMSOpen] a database that just loves to have as many tables as they can in one database. Then they wonder why SQL Server 6.X is bitching at me that I cannot add any more tables to my queries? Oh come on Norm, it is only one more table, why can't SQL Server handle it? Then I have to talk to my boss about what a view is, and why I need access to create one to get around the table limits, etc. By the way, does MySQL have Views now? Sort of like a big virtual table that you can link smaller tables into, so that it is accessed like one big virtual table instead of 16 or less of them?

My coworkers tell me that "MySQL is good for web pages, but not Enterprise Level apps that need the extra features that MySQL lacks." So how am I supposed to respond to that? Ok, now we have table locks with 4.0, what else? I'm downloading a new copy, after all what is the point of DSL when you can't use it and a CDR burner? ;)

my coworker stopped putting on the pressue and cut down on the control. Things are starting to get back to normal. Finally I can sleep a little bit more.

Not like I was keeping it a secret from you guys. I just followed the rest of you here from the InfoWorld Forums. I expect a lot of you already have my psychological profile and can predict the next time my depression kicks out a cycle or two. :)

Cable on IWE, to Cable4096 on Ezboard. Then Nking on Ezboard, then Orion Blastar, then couldn't make up my mind, accidentally logged in as one of my older accounts, was Nking again. Orion, etc. The got to ZIwe and here I am now. Just don't ask me about my IWETHEYTWiki acounts. :) Right now the only one that works is NormanKing, and it is the only one I use. Of course on some areas of the Internet or BBSes, they think that my real name is a handle. Go figure!

I used for work as a contractor for the US Army, I know how f*cked up their systems are. Their idea of data replication was loging into either a Telnet or Web Server and downloading a 300+ meg flat text file and then importing it into Oracle, SQL Server, Clipper, DBase, Access, and oh yeah Lotus 123 or Excel files for various projects that they had which ran the same report, with the same numbers, but at different speeds on different platforms, being emailed for many people who just ignore them except for a General or two who gets a big laugh out of them as they are reading them between rounds at the Golf course as they wait for one of my managers to take a turn at Golf. God I loved that job, too bad they had us migrate the data down to the AMCOM base as they closed down the one in St. Louis. Yeah there may have been an Interbase database or two, I wasn't impressed by them. Not something I'd want to use while running the M1 Abrams tank, but we mostly did the Aviation and Troop stuff, Interbase apparently sucked for that so they wouldn't let us use it. Same goes for DB2, and some others. After that job I cannot sleep at night knowing the technology that powers our military and how it works. Yes the whole army brought to its knees because a database buckled down and they have to resort to old data and the provisioning stuff cannot get out until someone fixes it. Which means anything with a NSN (National Stock Number) anything from an ID card to a Nuclear Bomb, isn't going to move until that one database that everything passes through on a Telnet or Web connection to download that huge flat text file. Saddam can thank the poor database design of the US Military that we haven't invaded Iraq, and kicked his sorry *ss yet. Wait until they can rebuild the server and database that powered the provisioning system to get the stuff moving again. Then we can move in those tanks, planes, boats, troops, smart bombs, and some skinny guy named Irving Snockpockets that wants to go over there and paint horns and a beard on every picture of Saddam that he can find in Iraq.

Interbase data sheets and whitepapers will be downloaded. Either my boss will like them or I'll get fired. Hey, you know of any job opening where you live? I think I got the last IT job in the USA where I live, if I blow this one my only chance is going to be getting a Work Visa and then move out of the USA. Or I could move to Huntsville and work for the military again, I hear they need help getting their database running again so they can kick Iraq's butt.

Two thousand is a lot of money. We have a cost per workstation that doesn't earn us a profit until they stick with us for at least 18 months at $700 a month. Which means it costs us $12,600USD per workstation to get them running and support them and get everything they need. Then after 18 months after all the software licenses, hardware costs, support costs, nose blowing, and other stuff gets paid off, we hope that they stick with us or else we are going to have to lay someone off again. Windows 2000 Server costs $1200USD for 10 Client Access licenses, I think that SQL Server is about that much or higher. Our average network can be anywhere from 8, 10, or 24 workstations per network. So the costs can be great. Of that $12,600USD cost, about $2,500USD of it is the POS (Point of Sale) workstation with the LCD screen, touchpad, barcode scanner, etc. It includes a license to use Windows 98SE (heck it even comes in a shrink wrapped package with a CD, a user's manual, and we put it into a little baggie for them). The rest is support issues, Server costs, Database costs, application liciensing fees, development, etc.

So yeah, I guess that $2000USD is a lot of money, but it could be less than the Microcrap licensing.

Uh, Borland still offers demo versions, right? I think my account may work, but last time I tried to download Kylix, it freaked out on me and I got a damaged file, even with WGET, even with Netscape Smart Download, even with WS_FTP, even with GFTP on CYGWIN, well you get the idea. I'll try again, but last time I did someone from Borland called me up "Didja install it yet? What did you think? How many copies can I put you down for?" I told them "The download was incomplete and I am still trying to configure my X-Server and Network connection in Red Hat Linux, if you want to help me with that, I'd sure apreciate it." to which they just said "Huh?" had a few momments of silence, and then said "Well, call our 800 number if you ever get things working...." [CLICK]

My Red Hat Linux 7.3 machine just got reformatted into Windows 2000 Server so I can test stuff out at home and don't have to log into a VPN (which doesn't seem to work when I do log into it, cannot see any servers from over the VPN connection) my other Windows 2000 Server shot craps and nothing can connect to it. System files just went missing, that Administrator account that I disabled, is enabled again. IIS went bye-bye, says it is running and using port 80, yet cannot view any files there despite the fact that I can load local HTML files into any web browser in the directory that IIS says it should be using. Oh heck, I think I'll have a better time with Whistler Beta 2, if it ever arrives from Microsoft. By the time it gets here, I might be able to upgrade to RC2 or something?

Anyone want to hire a slightly used Programmer/Analyst/DBA/Nerd/Computer Geek/Ex-Hacker(not cracker, hacker as in programming, not breaking into systems)/Ex-Unemployed then Reemployed and soon to be Unemployed Technology Worker who also used to build PC systems, work at a Help Desk, run his own business, was an Election Judge for a while (Both Democratic and Republican), ex-Burger Flipper (hey it paid college tuition), Temp Worker, and nice guy who is so nice that most managers would not want me to work in the same cesspool as them but will keep my contact info on their Rolodex in hope that they get a new job somewhere else kind of guy?

Now for your next trick:

Are there any tools from taking an Access or SQL Server database and migrating it over to Interbase? I am not talking about those flaky things like Erwin that won't even connect to the SQL Server 2000 (but could to a 6.5 or 7.0 server?) or at least the demo didn't, maybe the full version will? But they are not getting my money until I know it can get the damn job done.

When I did a search on Google to find IB and Firebird migration tools, I found results, but the links to those tools didn't work. Que? Others cost between $50 to $200, but the evaluation and demo versions didn't work, QUE? Are there any f*cking reliable database migration tools that f*cking work and don't cost an arm and a leg to buy? The cheapie ones appear to take one look at our Access or SQL Server database and freak out. Even the Microsoft Access 97/2000 Upsizing Wizard barfed on us. My coworker got p*ssed that I was using tools instead of trying to do it by hand. Yeah, I downloaded the damn things at home, burned a CDR because our company bandwidth sucks, and then took 15 minutes to try those tools out instead of taking a break. She took 20 minutes to chew me out for wasting the company time. If this stuff keeps up, I'm giving back the laptop, leaving the database migration product half-done (Hey good luck guys, see ya!) giving them all the source code and documentation to the projects that I was working on, taking all my computer books, my fan, my personal stuff, and then walking out and becoming a f*cking farmer after selling my house. I'd rather grow corn that have people block my path so I cannot get my job done. I'd grow corn, pay off the farm, n if the Government pays me to not grow corn, I will use that money to get a decent laptop (at least 1.2Ghz) and write Open Sourced software to do what my former employers had been doing. Then port it to as many platforms, databases, etc, that I can. Sound like a plan?

I insist on alternatives to Wincrap. If it was up to me, I'd use Linux and Postgres SQL, and then use QMAIL for an email server, and then use SAMBA to let the Windows 98 workstations connect to the server. The Nurses won't know the difference as the program will still work the same, only a little faster and the server will not crash as much or need as much tweaking. Plus it would not cost as much for the server licensing. Plus we could wean them off Windows one at a time, and do it in Java with JBDC instead of VB and ADO with ODBC. As long as it looked the same, and generated the same reports, how are they going to know? They apparently cannot even tell the difference between "Missing Surigcal Tools" and "Unused Surgical Tools" in a tray, how the f*ck would they know the difference between a Windows 98 Client with a SQL Server backend and a Linux client running Java with a Postgres SQL backend running on another Linux machine with a local Postgres database for caching the local backups?

Our average client has about 8 to 24 workstations, I assume that the limit of 5 would bite us in the *ss later on. As soon as the 6th one goes to access the data, it will b*tch at them that it violated the server license. This of course, is not good.

Thanks for the info, I might use SQL Server's Smaller Sister in a different project, maybe somewhere else?