Literate Category.

Subtlety Award with crossed middle-fingers, two small orbs rampant on red velvet - in a wormwood box.

Alas it suffers (only) from the fact that damn few Merkins* have the foggiest idea of WTF Priapus was :[ not even the testosterone-crazed. Pity.

*Merkin n. a public wig for women

Now locally .. what with all the vineyards (and gardens!) nearby - maybe a glimmer ?? Gotta try it at town meeting 12/5 to run a developer outta town..

Damn.. almost a Coq au Vin culinary citation too :-\ufffd
But the secondary attributes nail it!
Priapus be also: Protector of herds, bees and fish.
I mean.. here we gots a Herd-mentality, lots of busy Govt. Buzzing about Patriotism and .. lots of Fishy new Rulez!

Cackle.. Cackle.. Cackle.. Cackle.. Cackle.. Cackle.. Cackle.. Cackle.. Cackle.. Cackle..

Your award will be sent immediately. (Don't worry about any loose white powder - see, the clay is used to dry the ink from the quill pen. See?)

Now we need something maybe a bit more scatological for the unwashed to grok, on pure visceral levels..




Ashton Pulitzer Awards Ltd.

you inscribe it
we'll describe it

ie what do them Barristers wear when not wigged-out?

Hey when ya ain't got hot water heaters and have long hair: who wouldn't want to cover-up from the coal-soot everywhere?

I know.. you just wanna See Milady fresh outta that monthly bath -- no???





:-\ufffd

(Or I'd've tried to make more of the homonym ;-)

I think ~ time when Le Moron was crying calumnniators calumniators! because he missed *entirely* the context of (Peter's?) use of Merkin, thought it was about Le Him! - someone looked it up in Dictionary.com: I mentally 'saw' an L in there! My egregious badness.

Oh I Do Apologize.. this Putrid excrescence.. This spoon is Ugly! Oh for Gawd's sake, Don't Tell the Cook!

Much more fun the right way. It ain't in my rice-paper '13 dictionary, so full of other good stuff - even at bottom of page with weird addenda. Could it be newer than '13? It also didn't appear in an online dict. of English/UK slang! perhaps because it Wasn't 'slang'. And whom were these Proper English Ladies planning to Impress? Especially considering certain umm occasional involuntary 'pullings' as occur and .. .. ?

Now one is forced to wonder - before modrin miracle adhesives: HTF was such a thing umm held-in-place.?. and er (umm) just how much unusual uh tensile, torsional forces could it withstand? And.. did it augment the natural hirsute adornment or require certain tonsorial preparation (and Who would you trust with a straight-razor, to help?)
And..

{sigh}

Then there's the irony of them preverts* what seem to like the absence of that-all - perhaps as close as they come to fantasizing about the recapture of Innocence (or the destruction of same?) - ya never can tell, around the Puritan-infested.. What they fantasize about - but you Can be sure: it's about guilt..

* per Dr. Strangelove as in [sic]

Yup.. gotta Love merkin - almost a Rorschak for the Age!


Ashton
for clarity, irreverence and just plain The Pubic Good