That makes sense, Box. She was just scared and sad because all the grownups around her that she normally depends on to keep her safe and ok were crying and falling apart.

She knows Grandma isn't moving, and she touched her in the casket at the Wake. And I knew people have told her Grandma is gone and in a better place. I just have no idea what a 7 year old child's comprehension level is.

The night before at the wake, however, I also hugged her and told her Grandma was in a better place now, and she said, "Yeah, they keep telling me that."

Your brother didn't get that your dad was dead till he was 38? Or did you mean that he didn't get that your dad left your mom till he was 38? I didn't quite get the first example you gave. You said the Old man left the funeral, but if he was dead... (sorry, guess I'm just confused) could you clarify?

One more question then, should we not say "dead or death" to the 7 year old?

Brenda

The family was describing her death as "she just closed her eyes and went peacefully to sleep" but I don't recall them saying that around children, just adults.

I'm wondering if the best option for handling this is to ask her mother Jane what was actually told to her about Jeffie, so we can stay consistent.

To make matters worse, the night after the funeral, Jane came home to find their beloved old dog had had a stroke, and he had to be "put to sleep." I wonder how they differentiated that between Jeffie and the dog.

I'm the first to admit I know next to nothing about kids, but I know I do not want to do anything to scare her more or make anything worse. I'm actually hoping that maybe she won't bring up losing Grandma if we go over there for Thanksgiving, but if she does, I want to know the best way to respond.

Thanks for all the input, I'm taking it all in and trying to handle it in the best way possible. Talking about it seems to have alleviated some of the haunting visions however, but reminded me of another terrified child I comforted once upon a time years back when her parents became violent at one another, which was often.

Odd that the two children I've ever connected with or that have connected with me, have seen so much pain and tragedy and suffering.

Brenda

Don't try to read her mind. Rather than conjecturing on what the child is thinking/going through, just be there to listen. And never, ever, talk down to a child. Kids hate to be patronized like that. If you see that she is troubled, ask her what she is thinking or if she wants to talk about it. Better yet, just sit down with some crayons and blank paper and start drawing. You will be amazed at how kids can express their feelings through art.

Never ever talk down to a child. I'm not exactly sure what that means, could you elaborate or could someone explain it better? I have very little experience with kids. I like the crayon idea though. :)

I'm thinking you are troubled because you see yourself as that little girl and it is bringing back some painful memories. Be gentle with yourself and allow yourself to grieve, both for the memories and for the recent death.

I think you may be right. Another friend of mine suggested that maybe I felt a lot of empathy for her. And they would be right, as I know how that felt, to see my parents fall apart like hers were.

My suggestion about getting rid of the haunting face is to tap into your spirituality and visualize the child at peace because you love her so much. For that, she is truly blessed.

Thank you Amy, you have really helped me see things another way entirely. :)I'm not sure if we're seeing her next week now or not, but at least if we do, I have some idea what to do. :)

Brenda