Short explanation

Post #247,776 by Nightowl 3/13/06 3:49:56 PM Reply	Short explanation This is a contract only to enter in to with Dori for her to help interpret for the two of us, without too much outside interference. It isn't a contract for how Katie and I will behave in a friendship. It's like Katie and I speak two different languages or something, as we come from totally different upbringings, and Dori is a neutral party. When Katie and I are together, or lately, the physical symptoms for each are extreme, her blood pressure rises and my heart pounds and I dehydrate. so we can't discuss it calmly based on that fight-flight thing in both of us. Dori helped Katie already understand that I don't feel "safe" around her in a panic-anxiety sense, so the translation process is working so far. She isn't on anyone's side, just trying to help us understand one another better, and it seems to be starting to work. I know it isn't a permanent fix, but if Katie and I can get some understanding of how each of us tick, we may be able to work things out in a better way in the future. I figure I owe this one more try, because it does affect the entire family, with a huge ripple effect. Brenda "When you take charge of your life, there is no longer need to ask permission of other people or society at large. When you ask permission, you give someone veto power over your life." By Geoffrey F. Abert
Post #247,806 by drewk 3/13/06 6:47:27 PM Reply	No it doesn't I figure I owe this one more try, because it does affect the entire family, with a huge ripple effect. I hope this isn't to blunt for you, but: *BULLSHIT!* It only affects people who choose to be affected by it. That clearly includes you. I'll bet there are a bunch of people who don't give a shit. Probably including some poeple you think you're doing this for. Stop doing things because you're worried what other people are going to think. If there's something you want to do for yourself, knock yourself out. If it's for someone else, tell them to do it themselves. You do anything other than that, and you deserve every bit of pain you get. === Purveyor of Doc Hope's [link\|http://DocHope.com\|fresh-baked dog biscuits and pet treats]. [link\|http://DocHope.com\|http://DocHope.com]
Post #247,877 by Ashton 3/14/06 3:57:45 AM Reply	Why, I have before me - - my copy of Dick Feynman's What Do You Care What Other People Think? \ufffd 1988 by Gweneth Feynman and Ralph Leighton; W.W. Norton. Inc. Just in case anybody thought it a nutty question to ask (?) But we have to recall that, not so long ago - every little girl was warned about the underdeveloped male emotional centers; apprised of the fact that She would have to do all the caring (and teaching of 'how to care'), not only for her mate and offspring, but for Herself. It was, simply Her Nature\ufffd so: Get Used To It, Sweetie. Then Sylvia Plath suicided and .. ... (how many men ever read The Bell Jar ?) Ahh... it's all so fucking complexificated by the social ""sciences"" and Bowdlerized by The Tube and its noisy offspring - no wonder the canaries are all getting sick at once. So much reprogramming to do ... so little time -
Post #248,262 by Nightowl 3/17/06 1:37:13 PM Reply	Re: Why, I have before me - - my copy of Dick Feynman's What Do You Care What Other People Think? Ashton, I would think that you would understand the most. It turns out not to be not about what other people think, at least not with my cousin. With my SIL, yes, but I've already ceased to care about my SIL's opinions. With my cousin, it's more like she talks one language and me another. We're discovering that more and more. And this person, this translator, she is showing us that, which is really wonderful. So we are making progress, and learning to understand what each one means by a particular term or word. After all, most words are meaningful to the person in their own definition, and to understand the person, you need to understand their interpretation of the words. :) It's actually kinda neat, learning how differently we interpret things and how that's helping us understand where we went wrong. Brenda "When you take charge of your life, there is no longer need to ask permission of other people or society at large. When you ask permission, you give someone veto power over your life." By Geoffrey F. Abert
Post #248,369 by Ashton 3/17/06 10:44:05 PM Reply	Agree.. horse of another color Noticing how Very-differently people set their priorities can cancel a bit, the hostlity of first friction. Most of us draw the line (it's Work..) when the gap seems just too large to even try. (And Nobody can tell you what "too large" means in the gap-business, either. There's rarely a Necessity of 'explaining', for all obvious reasons. 'Why?' is what 2-yos continue to ask.. even into their dotage.) I.
Post #248,370 by Nightowl 3/17/06 10:56:27 PM Reply	Re: Agree.. horse of another color Noticing how Very-differently people set their priorities can cancel a bit, the hostlity of first friction. Most of us draw the line (it's Work..) when the gap seems just too large to even try. (And Nobody can tell you what "too large" means in the gap-business, either. There's rarely a Necessity of 'explaining', for all obvious reasons. 'Why?' is what 2-yos continue to ask.. even into their dotage.) Exactly. And I'm trying to jump that gap. I don't know yet if it is too large, guess I'll let you know if I make it to the other side. :) Brenda "When you take charge of your life, there is no longer need to ask permission of other people or society at large. When you ask permission, you give someone veto power over your life." By Geoffrey F. Abert
Post #248,259 by Nightowl 3/17/06 1:30:47 PM Reply	To clarify I do want to do this for myself, also. But I'm doing what you all have said, and standing up for myself. And believe it or not, it's beginning to work. :) Too complex to explain now, and I'm sure you don't want to hear, but just know that major breakthroughs are being made, and that's progress. :) Brenda "When you take charge of your life, there is no longer need to ask permission of other people or society at large. When you ask permission, you give someone veto power over your life." By Geoffrey F. Abert

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