Not your responsibility

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Post #247,503

3/10/06 3:20:35 PM

Not your responsibility

This is what you need to learn to let go of: the idea that you are somehow responsible for someone else's emotions. You are NOT responsible for <fillintheblank>'s emotions; sad, ambivalent, or happy. Nor are you respinsible for protecting <fillintheblank> from evil SIL. You are all adults. All you can do is take care of yourself - and you NEED to start doing that.

--
Steve
[link|http://www.ubuntulinux.org|Ubuntu]

Post #247,506

3/10/06 3:30:38 PM

3/10/06 3:48:31 PM

Owl, before you reply think about this too

I know, Andrew... problem is, every time I fight them for something, it upsets the entire family... my mom is 76 years old, she can't be so upset all the time...she can't be crying all the time...she's sad because I'm sad, so then I try not to be sad, and then she's sad anyway because she knows I'm trying not to care... and this affects so much... my brother, my sister, my dad who is 82, none of us need this stress. SIL isn't going away, I won't give in to her. Not giving in to her upsets Katie. Upsetting Katie upsets mom...

How do I take care of me without hurting everyone else????

What are you fighting for? Will it matter tomorrow? Next week? Next month? Next year? 10 years from now? Is the fight worth it?

You saying "I won't give in..." makes you sound just like my wife with her fight d'jour. Two of her daughters have moved out last month, and one is pregnant. She is very interested in finding out how they are. But they haven't called. And she won't call them. "I am mom. I have medical problems. They should be calling me. I won't call them." I've called the girls (without wife's knowledge). They are waiting for her to call them. So, due to my wife's stubbornness, she is getting more depressed. I've told her to call, but she won't. So I've taken myself out of the discussion. Right now she'd rather lose contact with her daughters than give in.

Turn those feathers into a protective shell. You are not "hurting" them when you stick up for yourself. Pick your battles, things that are important long term, not what movie you go see, or what color decorations you use....

edit: complete rewrite

A good friend will come and bail you out of jail ... but, a true friend will be sitting next to you saying, "Damn...that was fun!"

Edited by jbrabeck March 10, 2006, 03:48:31 PM EST

Expand All History

Truly not coping - (Nightowl) - (41) - March 10, 2006, 03:58:21 AM EST

OK, vibing away... HTH! -NT - (CRConrad) - March 10, 2006, 04:02:44 AM EST

Good vibes on the way - (hnick) - (2) - March 10, 2006, 07:10:42 AM EST

Re: Good vibes on the way - (Nightowl) - (1) - March 10, 2006, 12:33:02 PM EST

You'll need less luck if you don't let them kick you around - (hnick) - March 10, 2006, 01:14:55 PM EST

Do you drink? If so, have a glass of wine. - (Another Scott) - (2) - March 10, 2006, 07:50:29 AM EST

Alcohol, the cause of and solution to all of life's problems - (ChrisR) - (1) - March 10, 2006, 03:24:36 PM EST

:-) -NT - (Another Scott) - March 10, 2006, 04:17:25 PM EST

those folks are not that important, vibes on the way -NT - (boxley) - March 10, 2006, 07:51:58 AM EST

Sorry to hear, - (Steve Lowe) - (19) - March 10, 2006, 10:49:19 AM EST

Re: Sorry to hear, - (Nightowl) - (18) - March 10, 2006, 12:29:38 PM EST

Here's the plan - (Nightowl) - (17) - March 10, 2006, 12:48:32 PM EST

just ignore Katie - (boxley) - March 10, 2006, 12:53:59 PM EST

The answer I would give them is - (Silverlock) - March 10, 2006, 01:46:06 PM EST

you and your family - (rcareaga) - March 10, 2006, 06:34:19 PM EST

Screw them - (Arkadiy) - March 10, 2006, 07:44:38 PM EST

Here's the answer. - (Another Scott) - (12) - March 10, 2006, 08:06:58 PM EST

Update With Good News! -- and thanks for the input - (Nightowl) - (11) - March 13, 2006, 12:57:18 PM EST

WTH? - (admin) - (9) - March 13, 2006, 01:50:49 PM EST

Re: WTH? - (Andrew Grygus) - (1) - March 13, 2006, 02:55:31 PM EST

Chronologically. - (admin) - March 13, 2006, 03:31:12 PM EST

Short explanation - (Nightowl) - (6) - March 13, 2006, 03:49:56 PM EST

No it doesn't - (drewk) - (5) - March 13, 2006, 06:47:27 PM EST

Why, I have before me - - my copy of Dick Feynman's - (Ashton) - (3) - March 14, 2006, 03:57:45 AM EST

Re: Why, I have before me - - my copy of Dick Feynman's - (Nightowl) - (2) - March 17, 2006, 01:37:13 PM EST

Agree.. horse of another color - (Ashton) - (1) - March 17, 2006, 10:44:05 PM EST

Re: Agree.. horse of another color - (Nightowl) - March 17, 2006, 10:56:27 PM EST

To clarify - (Nightowl) - March 17, 2006, 01:30:47 PM EST

Contracts for relationships? - (pwhysall) - March 14, 2006, 07:16:53 AM EST

My personal feeling is - (jake123) - March 10, 2006, 11:04:01 AM EST

What da Hell? - (Andrew Grygus) - (4) - March 10, 2006, 11:46:44 AM EST

WTF. I completely concur with Andrew - (jbrabeck) - March 10, 2006, 12:12:21 PM EST

Re: What da Hell? - (Nightowl) - (2) - March 10, 2006, 03:14:52 PM EST

Not your responsibility - (Steve Lowe) - (1) - March 10, 2006, 03:20:35 PM EST

Owl, before you reply think about this too - (jbrabeck) - March 10, 2006, 03:48:31 PM EST

Um... - (ben_tilly) - (3) - March 10, 2006, 12:20:36 PM EST

Re: Um... - (Nightowl) - (2) - March 10, 2006, 12:31:16 PM EST

Besides which - (jake123) - (1) - March 10, 2006, 12:46:33 PM EST

I know - (Nightowl) - March 10, 2006, 12:49:28 PM EST

You Got it! - (jb4) - March 10, 2006, 01:29:22 PM EST

"May the force be with you!" :) -NT - (a6l6e6x) - (1) - March 10, 2006, 05:19:51 PM EST

Re: "May the force be with you!" :) - (Nightowl) - March 10, 2006, 05:48:00 PM EST

But Einstein ain't so cheap to buy off...
59 ms