Re: What da Hell?

Post #247,502 by Nightowl 3/10/06 3:14:52 PM Reply	Re: What da Hell? Why do you love suffering so much? Given terms like that it's proper to tell 'em to fuck off and die. You take stuff like that seriously - how do you expect them to have any respect for you? How do you expect you to have any respect for you? Good vibes isn't what you need. You need to get your feathers all ruffled up and bite them black and blue. I know, Andrew... problem is, every time I fight them for something, it upsets the entire family... my mom is 76 years old, she can't be so upset all the time...she can't be crying all the time...she's sad because I'm sad, so then I try not to be sad, and then she's sad anyway because she knows I'm trying not to care... and this affects so much... my brother, my sister, my dad who is 82, none of us need this stress. SIL isn't going away, I won't give in to her. Not giving in to her upsets Katie. Upsetting Katie upsets mom... How do I take care of me without hurting everyone else???? Thanks for the thoughts. Brenda "When you take charge of your life, there is no longer need to ask permission of other people or society at large. When you ask permission, you give someone veto power over your life." By Geoffrey F. Abert
Post #247,503 by Steve Lowe 3/10/06 3:20:35 PM Reply	Not your responsibility This is what you need to learn to let go of: the idea that you are somehow responsible for someone else's emotions. You are NOT responsible for <fillintheblank>'s emotions; sad, ambivalent, or happy. Nor are you respinsible for protecting <fillintheblank> from evil SIL. You are all adults. All you can do is take care of yourself - and you NEED to start doing that. -- Steve [link\|http://www.ubuntulinux.org\|Ubuntu]
Post #247,506 by jbrabeck 3/10/06 3:30:38 PM 3/10/06 3:48:31 PM Reply	Owl, before you reply think about this too I know, Andrew... problem is, every time I fight them for something, it upsets the entire family... my mom is 76 years old, she can't be so upset all the time...she can't be crying all the time...she's sad because I'm sad, so then I try not to be sad, and then she's sad anyway because she knows I'm trying not to care... and this affects so much... my brother, my sister, my dad who is 82, none of us need this stress. SIL isn't going away, I won't give in to her. Not giving in to her upsets Katie. Upsetting Katie upsets mom... How do I take care of me without hurting everyone else???? What are you fighting for? Will it matter tomorrow? Next week? Next month? Next year? 10 years from now? Is the fight worth it? You saying "I won't give in..." makes you sound just like my wife with her fight d'jour. Two of her daughters have moved out last month, and one is pregnant. She is very interested in finding out how they are. But they haven't called. And she won't call them. "I am mom. I have medical problems. They should be calling me. I won't call them." I've called the girls (without wife's knowledge). They are waiting for her to call them. So, due to my wife's stubbornness, she is getting more depressed. I've told her to call, but she won't. So I've taken myself out of the discussion. Right now she'd rather lose contact with her daughters than give in. Turn those feathers into a protective shell. You are not "hurting" them when you stick up for yourself. Pick your battles, things that are important long term, not what movie you go see, or what color decorations you use.... edit: complete rewrite A good friend will come and bail you out of jail ... but, a true friend will be sitting next to you saying, "Damn...that was fun!" Edited by jbrabeck March 10, 2006, 03:48:31 PM EST Expand All History

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