I've been struck many times over the years by your insights and world view. I believe your daughter must know deep down how lucky she is to have you for her father and be greatly comforted by that.

I went through a (much less anxious) life-changing event last May -- I was hit by a car while bicycling and had serious injuries all but one of which I've pretty much recovered from. That I could so easily have been killed or reduced to a vegetable but wasn't has made dealing with the depression and loss and dependency somewhat tricky -- looking on the bright side is good but there's still a lot of bad to deal with, and this has led to re-examining my sitz im leben (if that's how it's spelled) -- an ongoing project. My own introverted loner ass has been screaming for company and intimacy and connection with the people I live with and love. Peace be with you, brother.

Giovanni

I hadn't mentioned my accident before -- I ended up erasing several water cooler posts. Not ready to deal with it here yet I guess.

I was hit hard by a car that ran a red light -- we never saw each other because there was a van in the left lane to my left as I waited for my light to turn green. When the traffic light turned green, I slowly started to go and next thing I knew I was coming to in the road in terrific pain. I had a hard time realizing what had happened because there had been no traffic at all on the road I was crossing.

The car hit the front of my bicycle at speed and whiplashed my left side into it as it went by. My suspicion is that the car's right sideview mirror smashed into my left shoulderblade. The driver stopped and several others who witnessed it called for help -- I came to just as the EMS were arriving. It was one of those surreal experiences -- at first I thought I was having a nightmare in bed, then as I heard voices and things the thought crossed my mind "this is just what they say it's like when you come to after an accident" and then of course it really was.

My left shoulder was severely torn up with several fractures of the upper humerus, rotator cuff, and shoulder blade; also I broke two ribs and a vertebra; I also had a wrenched knee and a knock on the side of the head (the left earpiece of my glasses had a sharp little dent in it). No brain damage -- no spinal damage. I've had a couple operations on my left shoulder and I have been cycling for a month and a half now.

The only permanent damage seems to be that the nerve serving the left deltoid (the shoulder muscle that raises the arm sideways) was completely severed behind the shoulderblade, so I will most likely lose that function. Bummer yes, but considering that my shoulder is six inches from my neck and head, not a bad deal. Also, if I had been a foot or so faster into the intersection, the car would have slammed into my body instead of the front of the bike, and I could easily have had massive internal injuries.

As it is I am cycling, walking normally and even running a little (my knee gets sore if I run too long -- it's been getting better) and I'm in better shape than I've been in a long time.

There have been some strange side-effects. I feel more emotional than I did before. The Sept 11 attacks hit me I think harder than they would have -- at the same time as they reinforced my feeling of how lucky I've been. I've had lots of ups and downs: insecurities I didn't even suspect I had surfaced and toyed with me. I feel closer and more in love with my wife than I've felt in years -- we have talked about things we didn't talk about ever, both good and bad: hard times, anger, frustrated expectations -- many things that happened over the past 13 years. Watching my kids in ballet class a couple weeks ago I felt proud and lucky and at the same time sad and angry that I can't do such a simple thing as raise both arms out to the sides. But there it is.

Except for the first couple weeks when I really couldn't, I've been checking in here pretty regularly, mostly in lurk mode -- more infrequently than before, but consistently. I do feel like this bunch is special, and I'm glad I've been a part of it for so long.

Everybody hang in there!

Giovanni