When self-validation is working well, then you aren't self-centered, because your self is satisfied. If you don't know how to handle your own fears and issues, then attempts to fill your own needs causes a very visible focus that comes across as being self-centered.
On the last sentence, I meant exactly what I said. Nobody can truly heal anyone else. Healthy people, who know from experience what you have to do for yourself, inevitably recognize this. Unhealthy people commonly don't.
Barring chemical intervention (IMHO far too often used), the most that you can do is nudge people towards better habits. At the remove of a text-only interface, it is virtually impossible to even do that.
Cheers,
Ben