Re: My honest response

Post #134,937 by Nightowl 1/12/04 1:12:31 AM 1/12/04 1:15:20 AM Reply	Re: My honest response Okay, so noted... But is that the answer to what self-centered is? Self-validation? Thanks Ben. Nightowl >8# P.S. And did you mean "can't" in the first part of the last sentence instead of can? I presume that you did, because can doesn't make sense. "It is understanding that gives us an ability to have peace. When we understand the other fellow's viewpoint, and he understands ours, then we can sit down and work out our differences." Harry S. Truman "Whenever you're in conflict with someone, there is one factor that can make the difference between damaging your relationship and deepening it. That factor is attitude." Timothy Bentley Edited by Nightowl Jan. 12, 2004, 01:15:20 AM EST Expand All History
Post #134,940 by ben_tilly 1/12/04 1:28:28 AM Reply	You reversed the meaning When self-validation is working well, then you aren't self-centered, because your self is satisfied. If you don't know how to handle your own fears and issues, then attempts to fill your own needs causes a very visible focus that comes across as being self-centered. On the last sentence, I meant exactly what I said. Nobody can truly heal anyone else. Healthy people, who know from experience what you have to do for yourself, inevitably recognize this. Unhealthy people commonly don't. Barring chemical intervention (IMHO far too often used), the most that you can do is nudge people towards better habits. At the remove of a text-only interface, it is virtually impossible to even do that. Cheers, Ben "good ideas and bad code build communities, the other three combinations do not" - [link\|http://archives.real-time.com/pipermail/cocoon-devel/2000-October/003023.html\|Stefano Mazzocchi]
Post #134,941 by Nightowl 1/12/04 1:30:50 AM Reply	Re: You reversed the meaning When self-validation is working well, then you aren't self-centered, because your self is satisfied. If you don't know how to handle your own fears and issues, then attempts to fill your own needs causes a very visible focus that comes across as being self-centered. Ah ok, that makes more sense. On the last sentence, I meant exactly what I said. Nobody can truly heal anyone else. Healthy people, who know from experience what you have to do for yourself, inevitably recognize this. Unhealthy people commonly don't. Okay the statement was: "And someone who can heal themselves, knows that they can't really heal anyone else either." So you meant it to say exactly what it says above, that even if you can heal yourself, you can't heal anyone else? Okay, sorry. I had thought maybe it meant to say, "Someone who can't heal themselves knows that they can't really heal anyone else either." Thanks for explaining it, Ben. Nightowl >8# "It is understanding that gives us an ability to have peace. When we understand the other fellow's viewpoint, and he understands ours, then we can sit down and work out our differences." Harry S. Truman "Whenever you're in conflict with someone, there is one factor that can make the difference between damaging your relationship and deepening it. That factor is attitude." Timothy Bentley
Post #134,942 by ben_tilly 1/12/04 1:39:49 AM Reply	Oops, I'd left in the word "either" wrongly "good ideas and bad code build communities, the other three combinations do not" - [link\|http://archives.real-time.com/pipermail/cocoon-devel/2000-October/003023.html\|Stefano Mazzocchi]
Post #134,943 by Nightowl 1/12/04 1:46:02 AM 1/12/04 1:58:17 AM Reply	Huh? Ben wrote:>>Oops, I'd left in the word "either" wrongly<< Now I'm more confused than ever. The statement indicates that even if you CAN heal yourself, you still can't heal anyone else, is that the bottom line? Edit: I reread your edited post, and now I get it. :) And one more question before I head to bed... What does the thread about my car have to do with self-centeredness or validation, or does it? All I was asking was informed opinions about what I'd been told. Thanks Brenda "It is understanding that gives us an ability to have peace. When we understand the other fellow's viewpoint, and he understands ours, then we can sit down and work out our differences." Harry S. Truman "Whenever you're in conflict with someone, there is one factor that can make the difference between damaging your relationship and deepening it. That factor is attitude." Timothy Bentley Edited by Nightowl Jan. 12, 2004, 01:58:17 AM EST Expand All History
Post #134,973 by ben_tilly 1/12/04 10:08:06 AM Reply	NFC about your car discussion I skipped that thread and so can't comment. Cheers, Ben "good ideas and bad code build communities, the other three combinations do not" - [link\|http://archives.real-time.com/pipermail/cocoon-devel/2000-October/003023.html\|Stefano Mazzocchi]
Post #134,945 by deSitter 1/12/04 1:47:23 AM Reply	Re: You reversed the meaning (new thread) Created as new thread #134944 titled [link\|/forums/render/content/show?contentid=134944\|Re: You reversed the meaning] -drl

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