Sort of like count your blessings?

Post #29,501 by nking 2/23/02 6:25:10 PM Reply	Sort of like count your blessings? I've had about a mind-fungus eat away at my mind and mental health. I am still recovering from it. That mind-fungus was given to me by my former employer in the form of super-stress. I have still not recovered from it. I've made it as clear as I can, my depression keeps making me slip back into a negative mindset. If there was a button I could press to prevent it, I would happily push it. But there is no such button, and my mind is being slowly eaten away by this depression with no cure or hope in sight of ever being rid of it. I have no choice in the matter, I've done all I could to focus on the positive, and I have failed again and again. Just by existing I suffer, and I cannot find a way not to suffer. Again, this is not by my choice in any way, shape or form. "Will code Visual BASIC for cash."
Post #29,573 by ben_tilly 2/24/02 6:54:43 PM Reply	Stop blaming the outside world If you want to be a victim, you can be. Forever. Being a victim sucks. I should know. Been there, done that. If I no longer bear visible emotional scars, it is only because I did something about them. It doesn't matter what your employer did to you. You aren't there any more. You are living your life. And right now the only one who is doing you injury is you. If you need help getting out of your pit, I would strongly suggest (based on the experience of friends) swallowing your pride and getting a Prozac prescription. Certainly it will do more good than complaining, again, about people you aren't dealing with any more. Cheers, Ben
Post #29,588 by nking 2/25/02 12:08:24 AM Reply	I am not blaming the outside world I am telling the truth about what happened and why I feel the way I do because of it. It is not the world's fault, it is the fault of those responsible for making the conditions that I had to work under, and I am still trying to get over it and apparently I cannot get over it. Prozac would do me no good, as I have been suicidal, if I take the prozac I will make a suicide attempt. My doctor had advised me in the past not to take it, and had put me in different antidepressants. Currently I am on paxil, which is not doing very good. Oh but I am dealing with them everything I try to get a new job and they have to contact my former employer. I am not sure what they are saying, but I got a good idea that it is not positive and a big fat lie, whatever it is? It seems that potential employers after contacting me former employer, tell me that they do not want to hire me. So yes, they are still making my life hell, even if I am not working for them anymore. "Will code Visual BASIC for cash."
Post #29,593 by ben_tilly 2/25/02 1:59:57 AM Reply	Bullsh*t You are blaming your current problems on powers beyond your control. Namely a group of assholes who are no longer in your life. Until you figure out that they are no longer in your life, you won't be able to get on with rebuilding living. And that sucks. You have to learn to stop saying, "They did this to me..." Instead start accepting responsibility for your life. Yeah, the past sucks. Yeah, nothing is going to make the past any better. But making yourself forever a victim of the past will certainly make the future a lot worse. It is your life. I won't talk any more about this because if you want to fuck it up, there isn't a hell of a lot I can do about it. But every time you continue to whine, a little bell goes off inside my head saying, "I see that Norm hasn't taken responsibility for his life yet." And I feel no sympathy. Regards, Ben
Post #29,617 by nking 2/25/02 10:57:06 AM Reply	Bullsht mark 2 I beg to differ, I have taken responsibility for my life, but I have not taken responsibility for the actions of a bunch of ssholes that did me wrong. Did I, or did I not take that fcking $9/hr job when I could have just as easily have said no to it and stay at home and wallow in my own self pity? Did I or did I not talk to my doctor's office and try to schedule an appointment, only to find out that my doctor's schedule conflicts with mine? For the past three weeks I have been taking DSL classes to learn how to support DSL for a local TELCO and I didn't miss a single class. If I wasn't responsible, I wouldn't have even bothered to show up, or even accept the job. I filled out the fcking paperwork to move my 401K and Profit Sharing to an IRA and the ssholes at my former employer still have not sent the paperwork back to move it yet. So I still have to deal with them. I have the return receipt, and someone from the mailroom signed for it. They also sent some of my stuff to my older address and I had to track it down, despite my current address being in their computers and on my old paychecks. Plus I am not sure what they are telling other employers, but whatever it is, they are costing me job interviews. So, yes, I am still dealing with those ssholes! "Will code Visual BASIC for cash."
Post #29,636 by rsf 2/25/02 12:11:17 PM Reply	???? Norm, Why don't you have a friend pretend to be a hiring manager and call you previous employers to see what they are saying. I've know some recruiters do this to make sure only the best references are presented to their clients. It might help to know if they are just giving you a so-so recommendation vs. out-right lying about your work performance. Just keep in mind that anything less than a glowing recommendation is enough to kill the hiring process IMHO, especially in the current economic climate where most job openings are innudated with resumes. Ray
Post #29,701 by nking 2/25/02 11:26:24 PM Reply	I wanted to do that but usually they screen their calls via voicemail and call the company back. So if Desitter or someone else calls them, they will have to leave a callback number. Anyone interested in calling my former employer about getting info about me, and then telling me what they said, can email me at nking at bigfoot.com and I will give them the corp phone # and the people to talk to. Pretend that you are doing an interview of me, and need to check with my former employer. I had a recruited that was going to call them and then tell me what they said, but he isn't returning my phone calls for some reason? "Will code Visual BASIC for cash."
Post #29,577 by folkert 2/24/02 8:26:03 PM Reply	IF you can... get an emergency appointment with your doctor and take a LONG lunch. Take it man you need it you sound like I did a while back. I could not get out from underneath it. It took medications. My brother in-law had a simlar thing, but he only needed medication to bring himm back to normal and is no longer taking medication. As he now able to maintain the Balance. Just not able to bring the imbalance back to balance. Get an appointment do it now (or at 8AM when you Dr. opens), the sooner the better, It could be as soon as two0three days when you start seeing (and feeling ) a change. My first Rx took 2 days before it started to make a difference. I could not put a finger on it how I felt, but the change was going on and I could tell. Can't explain the feeling, but it wasn't that gnawing feeling I know you have. IF nothing else the gnawing feeling was subsiding. Took a long time for me to get to a point where I felt good, can;t say as though I really feel the best I can. Being 315 now (loosing weight now down from 370 recently), I can say it mae s a big diff. I plan on loosing another 120ish pounds. I have read and taken to heart [link\|http://www.fourmilab.to/hackdiet/\|this document]. It really makes for a boring read to those not in the industry fo IT or technical areas, but really helped me. Just read it and I mean read it too, don't just glance and skim through it. Norm, get some help to bring your life back in order, an osteopathic doctor is what I have and that extra schooling the doctor has, has paid off in many ways for me. He can prescribe more thing in better doses than most doctors an can even get "alternative" treatments approved by most insurance programs. Fare thee well and much luck to you in your endeavors. `greg, curley95@attbi.com -- REMEMBER ED CURRY!!!` In 2002, everyone will discover that everyone else is using linux. Linux: Good, fast AND cheap. Failure is not an option: It comes bundled with Windows. ** "Two rules to success in life: 1. Don't tell people everything you know." - Sassan Tat
Post #29,589 by nking 2/25/02 12:13:20 AM Reply	I have tried to do that but he works from 1pm to 5pm for officer hours from Mon - Thurs, and makes his morning rounds at hospitals and is unreachable. I only get a half hour for lunch and it takes 20 minutes to drive there and 20 minutes to drive back and however long the appointment will last? He is off on Fridays, and I am off on Fridays. He doesn't work weekends. So basically either I have to quit my job, or find another doctor. I have no comp time, or paid/unpaid time off until two months from now. Even since I was put on this paxil and other medications, I have been gaining weight. I was 240 when I was in the hospital in August, and I am about 275 now. I've gained over 30 pounds since then. I have been basically starving myself, avoiding meat when I could, and watching what I eat. "Will code Visual BASIC for cash."
Post #29,693 by folkert 2/25/02 10:36:31 PM Reply	SHRUGS Well, okay... Guess you are destined to spiral down until SOMEONE else picks up your pieces. Special arrangements, are just that. Make them. Get it done. Stop putting up your own road blocks. 'Cause I know no-one in your immediate family, to help you out, I cannot do anything else. Good luck, I have given as much as I can. `greg, curley95@attbi.com -- REMEMBER ED CURRY!!!` In 2002, everyone will discover that everyone else is using linux. Linux: Good, fast AND cheap. Failure is not an option: It comes bundled with Windows. ** "Two rules to success in life: 1. Don't tell people everything you know." - Sassan Tat
Post #29,794 by ben_tilly 2/26/02 12:51:09 PM Reply	My opinion exactly I long ago learned the hard way that nobody else can solve my problems for me, and then learned that I can't solve anyone else's either. It took multiple painful iterations for me to absorb each lesson, and I see little point in repeating the experience. Cheers, Ben
Post #29,738 by Silverlock 2/26/02 8:36:38 AM Reply	Try again and again and again for as long as it takes. Quit making excuses. With this much manure around, there must be a pony somewhere.
Post #29,761 by nking 2/26/02 10:37:41 AM Reply	Ok then, here I go I will write a letter of resignation to my current employer so I can get the time off to go and see my doctor and get my meds adjusted! The house, my career, and my finacial well being be dammed! "Will code Visual BASIC for cash."
Post #29,764 by Silverlock 2/26/02 10:46:11 AM Reply	That's your only other option? Get off your ass and quit whining. Find some other avenue. Find some other doctor. I am getting extremly tired of these false dilemmas you constantly bring up when someone challenges you to change. The "poor little me" act is wearing very thin my friend and I, for one, will not be giving you much more thought. Get your head out of your ass, quit whining, get help. With this much manure around, there must be a pony somewhere.
Post #29,842 by nking 2/26/02 2:53:57 PM Reply	I am not in my right mind I just went and fucking quit after you told me to take action and I damn well took fucking action! My doctor didn't have any appointments until May, and told me to check myself into a hospital because I am depressed and suicidal. So I will do that. I am tired of all the bullshit that people are giving me and I will either get better or end my life! Please tell that law firm I used to work for that is paying you to harass me online (your handle looks very simular to one in their list of "schill" accounts that they used to harass people online and spread false info about rivals and other parties in lawsuits). Tell them to stop it or I will take legal actions against them! If you do not hear from me, I will either be in a mental hospital, dead, or living homeless. I am just tired of living! "Will code Visual BASIC for cash."
Post #29,820 by boxley 2/26/02 2:14:04 PM Reply	change docs, call around for a free clinic try the public health department see if they know of any. Teaching hospitals usually have stuff like that. They get to experiment on you and it doesnt cost you a dime. thanx, bill "I'm selling a hammer," he says. "They can beat nails with it, or their dog." Richard Eaton spy software innovator
Post #29,844 by nking 2/26/02 2:55:32 PM Reply	I have looked and I have not found anything that is worthwhile. maybe I can find one after I get out of the hospital they are about to put me into? Goodbye for now. I'm about to slash my wrists before they send someone over for me. "Will code Visual BASIC for cash."

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