When you need your food to be a friend, what do you do?

You know the score.

Shit day at work. Feeling tired. Can't be arsed with anything elaborate in the kitchen. You need some lovin' of the foodological kind.

What do you go for?

Me, I crack open a big tin of Heinz[0] Tomato Soup. You can tell this stuff, because it looks like nuclear red paint and doesn't taste anything like tomatoes. I dump a whole tin in my special Whole Tin Of Soup Mug, nuke it in the microwave, and then glug a load of Lea & Perrin's Worcestershire Sauce into it. Retire to the sofa with some thick sliced white bread for dunking, and watch X-Files repeats.

If I need something with actual nutritional content, and I'm marginally motivated, it's beans[1] on toast with a poached egg on top. The yolk must be runny and the bread must be, again, thick sliced white. Thickly buttered whilst piping hot for maximum calorie intake. Big mug of strong tea completes the ensemble. I associate this with frosty winter afternoons, watching Giant Haystacks and Big Daddy (GIYF) on World Of Sport (GIYF).

Hangovers demand special attention and the food required has stringent requirements. Super high calorific value, minimal fibre and strong but not pungent flavours are the keystones of the kind of food that gets you going again after a night on the lash. A giant caffeine infusion is also necessary to restart the parts that were refreshed by the beer that reaches the parts that other beers cannot reach.

I am, of course, talking about the Mega Bacon Buttie. Lots of smoked streaky bacon done til just crispy, a fried egg on top, with a couple of slices of plastic cheese, all wrapped up in the thickest, most processed white bread you can lay your hands on. Giant mug of strong black coffee (absolutely positively fresh-made) and the transformation from useless arsehead to pillar of society is made.

So what do YOU do when you need to flee into the welcoming bosom of Ma Food?

You specified evening after work, though. So I'll go with that to start with.

If I'm feeling *really* lazy, I'll defrost a previous cooked-and-frozen meal. This could range from sausages-and-veg to spaghetti bolognaise. If I want something 'fresh', I will usually go for a San Remo pasta-for-one packet. Cooks in a saucepan in 8 minutes.

On a Sunday evening, though, the recipe changes. Then it tends to be scrambled or poached eggs on (white) toast. If scrambled, I like to throw in onion flakes and grated cheese. If poached, then the toast gets vegemited. And the yolks have to be runny. If I want a bigger version of the scrambled eggs, I put in a packet of 2-minute noodles.

Other Instant Food Events include a vegemite and cheese sandwich. Or baked beans on toast - must be Heinz, though, and in Ham Sauce. Anything else doesn't taste right.

My sister's been known to eat a bowl of cereal at night. I haven't gone that far, myself, though.

Wade.

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