Post #27,111
2/3/02 8:30:12 PM
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I can't stand it anymore!
I give up, nothing I do is good enough for anyone. I can't do anything right and I get criticized all the time. Nothing works, and I cannot handle life anymore! It is all too much for me and I cannot bear it anymore! Even the simple stuff is too hard for me to do anymore. I am going to have to end it all!
My former employer has not only screwed me over, but has ruined my reputation. I cannot afford legal representation to fight them properly. My job outlook is not that good as a result. I have two possibilities, but nothing definite. In my current mental state I may even mess them up. My insurance got screwed up, and I cannot see my doctor, who could have helped me, because my employer screwed me over in getting the papers to me late and to the wrong address.
Almost everyone is out to get me, and maybe they'll be happy when I am dead. Rather than want for one of them to kill me, I might as well do it myself. I cannot even think clearly, and I am constantly forgetting things. This may be due in part to the medication I am taking for my illness. But one way or another I am going to have to end it all because I cannot stand to suffer any longer!
I can see no other way, not yet, my mental anguish is too much for me to bear!
So I am going to have to find a way to end it all!
"Will code Visual BASIC for cash."
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Post #27,113
2/3/02 8:40:15 PM
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Have you ever heard 'success is the best revenge?'
You've got a job (or jobs) lined up. So the people you say are trying to ruin your reputation and job prospects have failed.
Just because someone gets all flame-tastic in a web forum isn't a good enough reason to give up everything. There is no reason to warrant your giving up.
So, like, don't. Rise above it - your job prospects show that you're capable of doing so.
On and on and on and on,
and on and on and on goes John.
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Post #27,270
2/4/02 6:06:07 PM
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It is more than that
It is not about being flamed in a public forum, but rather because a lot of things have gone sour for me recently and my depression hit another low cycle. My wife talked me out of it, after I was down in the dumps a lot.
The helpdesk job just conflicted with the Contracting job, as I just found out that the helpdesk company is a client of the contracting company, which means they cannot touch me.
Frell! A series of IT jobs rejected me quickly over the past two months, it makes me wonder if my previous employer is spreading lies about me or something? But I am able to get some positive leads.
"Will code Visual BASIC for cash."
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Post #27,121
2/3/02 11:39:12 PM
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You've gone through tough times before. You'll overcome it.
Hi Norm,
Don't let what's happening upset you too much. Everyone goes through bad stretches now and then. And everyone's been victim of mean attacks at least once.
Remember back a year or so ago when many of us were encouraging you to investigate your job options? Things didn't go as well as you (or we) hoped then, and it seems that things aren't dramatically different now. But you do have some leads on a new position - something you didn't have a few months ago. Things are slowly looking up!
Don't conclude that everyone is out to get you - doing so ends your control over things that you can control.
Life is hard sometimes. There isn't some great instruction book that some people have and some don't - we're all muddling through as best we can. Sometime's you're the king and sometimes you're the peasant in the dungeon. Sometime's you're the head of a Forune 10 company, and sometimes you're facing years in prison and millions in fines.... Life is like that. You've got to remember that the bad times are always temporary and tough them out until things get better.
Keep your chin up and get out and have some fun with your wife and child. There's a lot of wonderful things about life and family even in the worst of times.
You may not have been around at the time, but Richard Nixon gave some excellent advice in his farewell speech to his White House Staff in 1974:
"Always give your best. Never get discouraged. Never be petty. Always remember; others may hate you. Those who hate you don\ufffdt win unless you hate them. And then you destroy yourself."
I'm sure he regretted not following that advice himself.
Hang in there, Norm. :-)
Cheers,
Scott.
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Post #27,123
2/4/02 12:59:47 AM
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Get some help, seriously.
Don't go after those ambulance chasers that bill out at $200 an hour and a $2000 retainer fee. Look in your phone book for Probono lawyers and see what they can do.
Or failing that, talk to your local newspapers and TV stations and see if they will run a story on how bad that law firm is. The last thing they need is bad press that will cause them to lose clients, partners, employees, and more.
Most lawyers are evil, as are HR departments and managers at lawfirms. If they are putting out false info on you, so that rival law firms and other companies won't hire you, then you must have some dirt on them or you are so skilled that they don't want you working anywhere else. Give them the finger and move on. Get that new job going, and then see what else is out there. I've had to reinvent myself a dozen times. Imagine working for a dotcom company, or Commodore Computers, or having a series of good jobs but being caught up in the downsizing?
It sounds to me like you have been stretched to your limits looking for new work, and are taking the unfair criticsim and negativity of your previous employer way too seriously. If you need to talk, email me at washingmachinecharlie@juno.com and I'll keep it secret. If you email me, I will send you my voice phone. Trust me, I used to be at the point you are right now, and I got over it. The hard part is starting over again and trying to clim back up that ladder.
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Post #27,139
2/4/02 2:39:29 AM
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No.
You have a wife and child. You've got responsibilities to them, before you go thinking about topping yourself.
Do you WANT your wife to have to explain to your kid why you did yourself in?
There are times in everyone's life when it seems as though you'll never reach the shore. Dude, the shore is there. You have to keep on swimming. There are people counting on you to do so.
Peter
Shill For Hire
[link|http://www.kuro5hin.org|There is no K5 Cabal]
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Post #27,168
2/4/02 10:17:14 AM
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Hang in there Norm!
You might not be making as much money as before, but, I can tell you from my own experiences that making more money doesn't count for much when you're not happy doing what you're doing. And it's pretty well known here how unhappy you were with where you were working.
You also seem to have a lot more opportunities right now than you did in 2001. That's definitely a step in the right direction.
And don't forget to play with your three year old son, after all, that's what's really important.
Darrell Spice, Jr.
[link|http://home.houston.rr.com/spiceware/|SpiceWare] - We don't do Windows, it's too much of a chore
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Post #27,176
2/4/02 10:43:20 AM
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No one willing to work pro bono?
Of course... professional courtesy.
It's not unheard of for people to represent themselves in court and win. But you need to have a lot of faith and grit. You need to love the battle, and truly believe in the cause. That's what gives you the spiritual stamina to tire them out before they tire you out.
I'm all for doing something desperate in an unbearable circumstance, just so long as that something desperate is to the point. And to my way of thinking, suicide is never to the point. Never give a cruel world what it wants. And it's far better to fight and lose than not to fight at all. But winning is best of all. I know, because I've had it all three ways.
P.S. Some people with depression get a lift from aspartame. Other people just get headaches. But it's worth a shot, and you don't need a prescription. No phenylketowhatsis need apply.
[link|http://www.angelfire.com/ca3/marlowe/index.html|http://www.angelfir...e/index.html]
Sometimes "tolerance" is just a word for not dealing with things.
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Post #27,271
2/4/02 6:08:29 PM
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No Pro Bono
they base it on income, apparently I made too much to qualify for a pro Bono case in my area. Plus when I mention the lawfirm's name, the lawyers don't give me calls back on the estimates. I guess they don't want to deal with the second largest lawfirm in the area?
"Will code Visual BASIC for cash."
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Post #27,278
2/4/02 6:32:34 PM
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Oh, well. It suggest an idea for a hobby.
[link|http://www.patriotcaucus.com/lawschool/Lesson1.html|You could try pro se]
[link|http://www.google.com/search?q=cache:VhpiS7u-nWoC:www.legalfreedom.com/prc/prc_personality.html|I mean, why not?]
What have you got to lose, except copious amounts of free time?
Disclaimer: I've never done it personally, so I may not know what the hell I'm talking about.
[link|http://www.angelfire.com/ca3/marlowe/index.html|http://www.angelfir...e/index.html]
Sometimes "tolerance" is just a word for not dealing with things.
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Post #27,284
2/4/02 6:42:12 PM
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Someone who represents themselves in court
has a fool for a client! :)
The job search, and the helpdesk job have killed what time I do have.
"Will code Visual BASIC for cash."
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Post #27,348
2/5/02 9:26:39 AM
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Surprisingly,
we are in accord on this one (!) - nicely put :-)
For the religious or non.. I too agree that very occasionally, the word Righteousness need not be an epithet. That mindset prolly is what prevails over the legal phrase-besotted (but not really very interested), when it is time to convince the court / jury of one's earnestness (BTW that 'time' is from square one).
Norman would still have to ask himself how quickly he could hone his arguing skills (maybe pretty quickly when driven by appropriate outrage)? There's something quite effective that occurs when an ordinarily soft-spoken person Raises his/her voice at just the right phrase: Norm, you Could do it IMhO!
A.
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Post #27,352
2/5/02 9:42:51 AM
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From the hip
That is about the only movie I saw about lawyers and how the court works. Do you think that those kinds of tactics will work in a mordern court?
Suppose I get an ex-coworker on the stand that was also unjustly fired? Let's call him BC.
Norman "You have worked with the firm for a long time, did you get to know your supervisor?"
BC "Yes I did."
Norman "And what is your professional opinion of your supervisor? If you had one word to describe him, what would it be?"
BC "*sshole!"
Other Attorney "Objection!"
Judge "I'm warning you, Mr. King, have your witness refrain from using profanity."
Norman "Your honor, the witness is telling it like it is. If there was another word to use he would use it. But no other word in the English language can express his feelings like that word. If anyone else can come up with a word that means the same thing, without using profanity, I would accept that."
Well, you know the rest.
"Will code Visual BASIC for cash."
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Post #27,190
2/4/02 11:31:52 AM
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norm email me at
woxley at tsiconnections dot com take a deep breath and keep on doing it.
thanx,
bill
My Dreams aren't as empty as my conscience seems to be
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Post #28,030
2/11/02 11:53:22 AM
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HEY!
Norm, are you on antidepressants? If not, go get some. If so, switch - they're not working.
See a *psychiatrist* (the kind with an MD) and get your brain rebalanced.
Fuck the money. Just spend it. If you pop off the money won't do you any good anyhow.
It will make a huge difference.
I feel for you. I've been there.
I got a BS in Petroleum Engineering towards the end of the 80's when the oil market crashed. I tried to get work in mechanical, chemical, and electrical engineering - none of the hiring managers could see the parallels between my degree and a regular mechanical degree. I had all the same knowledge, just flavored differently. So hydraulics was called drilling fluids - its still all about pressures and forces.
I was unemployable for a year after getting out of college. I took stupid jobs like sticking labels onto floppy diskettes from midnight to 8:00 am and amassed a folder over an inch thick of rejection letters. Finally I got a crappy little job as help desk guy making 24k per year living in Boulder (where a studio apt at the time was over $500 per month) and I had to bring my own computer from home. And then I got fired from that after a year and had to work at a truck rental desk for 6 months before landing a job doing F77 at the DOE. Then my career started to take off.
I just needed a break. So do you. Meanwhile, your job is to watch for your break and be ready for it when it comes. That means you get your brain chemistry sorted out, work out, play with your kid, get up every morning, get dressed and get out of the house for awhile. Paint your house - paint isn't that expensive and it'll make you feel good. Heck, just paint a bathroom.
But first, get some antidepressants. They will lift the fog that makes everything look hopeless.
The average hunter gatherer works 20 hours a week.
The average farmer works 40 hours a week.
The average programmer works 60 hours a week.
What the hell are we thinking?
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Post #28,046
2/11/02 1:19:42 PM
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Re: HEY!
$500 for an apt in Boulder? Damn, that's cheap!
-----
Steve
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Post #28,101
2/11/02 11:26:10 PM
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It was a long time ago sonny
and I had to move out because I couldn't make my rent. I ended up near Wash Park in something for $225.
The average hunter gatherer works 20 hours a week.
The average farmer works 40 hours a week.
The average programmer works 60 hours a week.
What the hell are we thinking?
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Post #28,102
2/12/02 2:22:11 AM
2/12/02 2:24:30 AM
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Sonny? Just how old (young) you think I am, Pops? :-)
Wash Park area is pretty posh these days..Getting a trashy apartment in the crappier parts of town for $500 is impossible. I hear vacancies are going up, so that may change soon.
-----
Steve
Edited by Steve Lowe
Feb. 12, 2002, 02:24:30 AM EST
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Post #28,098
2/11/02 10:54:43 PM
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I got meds
it is named Paxil, I got Oxapan, and Xyprexa. My former employer screwed me out of health benefits, so I went to my wife's insurance. The doctor may not cover me anymore as they may not take my wife's plan.
I got that $9/hr helpdesk job, but I am not sure if I can make it with my depression. I have to be "nice" and "polite" to the customers. I have two more weeks of training left before I can man the phones of a Telco DSL helpdesk. This, of course, was the best job I could find. I had a contractor that wanted to pay me $60K/year but had no clients for me to work at.
I had thoughts of running my car off a cliff, parking the car in my garage and closing the door and leaving the car run, Od on my meds, and other thougts. My wife threw away my papers that I got from the hospital for suicide hotlines and etc, and I cannot find any phonebooks in the house. Plus everytime I get a chance to check email or make a phone call, I get interrupted by my family or something else. I am lucky that I still can drive a car. I just hope I don't lose this job because of my depression.
"Will code Visual BASIC for cash."
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Post #28,100
2/11/02 11:24:46 PM
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Re: I got meds
If you don't feel better within 3-4 weeks, tell em you want to switch. Its kind of a hit or miss with those things.
True story - I got dumped by a GF and called a suicide hotline in the middle of the night because I couldn't sleep. I got a person with a severe speech impediment that I couldn't understand. I was so amazed I almost started laughing.
The average hunter gatherer works 20 hours a week.
The average farmer works 40 hours a week.
The average programmer works 60 hours a week.
What the hell are we thinking?
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Post #28,176
2/12/02 9:17:05 PM
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Last time I called
I didn't get an answer, and had hold music waiting for the next available person to talk to. I'd do better posting to a forum on the Internet.
"Will code Visual BASIC for cash."
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Post #28,199
2/13/02 12:06:56 AM
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You were lucky
Last time I caled, they said maybe in my case it wasn't such a bad idea after all.
(It's a joke, son. If I couldn't laught at myself, I'd go... oh, wait, never mind, that didn't work either. But I'm feeling MUCH better now.)
----
"You don't have to be right - just use bolded upper case" - annon.
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Post #28,200
2/13/02 12:19:07 AM
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I was lucky, the hotline guy wasn't
he listened to my story, and then he decided to kill himself. :)
That was a joke as well. Sort of like from that "Airplane" movie where the guy named Striker is telling his life story and everyone who hears it trys to kill themselves.
"Will code Visual BASIC for cash."
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