When we closed on our house a few months ago, I asked for the keys from the title agent.

"Oh, we don't bring the keys to a closing. They're at the house."
"EXCUSE ME???"

"The keys are never brought to a closing, they're at the house, hidden, so you can get them AFTER you take possession.


I kid you not.

So we close, go to the house as darkness is falling, look for the keys which we were told are hidden within the circuit breaker box for the A/C units, and find that THEY'RE NOT THERE.

Go to a local grocery store to use the payphone to call our buyer's agent, who comes over with a flashlight, confirms that we have no keys, calls the listing agent at his home to bitch him out, only to get his answering machine, and lets us in with her pass key. TWO DAYS later, the listing agent calls our buyer's agent back, gives a shitload of excuses, then sends a locksmith over to rekey the house, WHICH WE PAID FOR AS PART OF THE CLOSING (it was hidden in a small paragraph on one page of the stack of papers we signed.) This was supposed to have been done BEFORE the closing, but wasn't.

We owned a house but almost couldn't get into it for 2 days. Incredible.