Post #95,999
4/11/03 9:30:05 AM
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Did you ever wonder...
Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?"
Who was the first person to say "See that chicken there....I'm gonna eat the next thing that comes outta it's butt."
Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?
Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?
If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?
Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is?
Why does your OB-GYN leave the room when you get undressed if they are going to look up there anyway?
Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs!
What do you call male ballerinas?
If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that Acme crap, why didn't he just buy dinner?
If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?
If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?
If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
Is Disney World the only people trap operated by a mouse?
Why do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?
Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?
Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the hemisphere, but call it a hemorrhoid when it's in your ass?
Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?
Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?
Darrell Spice, Jr. [link|http://www.spiceware.org/cgi-bin/spa.pl?album=./Artistic%20Overpass|Artistic Overpass]\n[link|http://www.spiceware.org/|SpiceWare] - We don't do Windows, it's too much of a chore
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Post #96,017
4/11/03 10:44:31 AM
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heh
Pity the poor dyslexic who poured alphabet soup all over his oyster crackers.
I like this one. People used to keep the effluvia of those dangling cow things in a goat's stomach. One day in the year 2, Ogg looked into his goat stomach and noticed a gloopy stinking mass where the milk used to be. Hmm..it stinks like vomit, it's a half-congealed mass with greenish liquid between the chunks! Let's eat it! It's cheese! While we're at it, let's drink some of that rotten fermenting cocoanut milk and catch a buzz!
-drl
(Dm - 2Am)(Rmn + 1/2gmn R + 1/2Fmn) = 0
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Post #96,019
4/11/03 10:48:11 AM
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ObSpoilingTheJoke
If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him? The original line is: Gimme cracked corn and I don't care - my master's gone away. It's a slave celebrating the death of his master. "Cracked corn" is corn that's gone past it's use-by date - hence, the kernels have cracked. After 9/11, Bush made two statements:
1. "Terrorists hate America because America is a land of freedom and opportunity."
2. "We intend to attack the root causes of terrorism."
Sounds like everything is going according to plan.
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Post #96,022
4/11/03 10:55:48 AM
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Re: ObSpoilingTheJoke
Well it could also mean parched corn, a staple of the poor in the South, white and black. Something like half-popped popcorn.
So I interpret that song to mean - 'long as I got somethin' to eat, I don't care where da Massa gone to.
[link|http://www.shepherd-express.com/shepherd/19/44/news_and_views/straight_dope.html|http://www.shepherd-...traight_dope.html]
When I was young a us'd to wait
On Massa and hand him de plate;
Pass down the bottle when he git dry,
And bresh away de blue tail fly.
CHORUS
Jim crack corn I don't care,
Jim crack corn I don't care,
Jim crack corn I don't care,
Old Massa gone away.
Den arter dinner massa sleep,
He bid dis niggar vigil keep;
An' when he gwine to shut his eye,
He tell me watch de blue tail fly.
CHORUS
An' when he ride in de arternoon,
I foiler wid a hickory broom;
De poney being berry shy,
When bitten by de blue tail fly.
CHORUS
One day he rode aroun' de farm,
De flies so numerous dey did swarm;
One chance to bite 'im on the thigh,
De debble take dat blu tail fly.
CHORUS
De poney run, he jump an' pitch,
An' tumble massa in de ditch;
He died, an' de jury wonder'd why
De verdic was de blue tail fly.
CHORUS
Dey laid 'im under a 'simmon tree,
His epitaph am dar to see:
'Beneath did stone I'm forced to lie,
All by means ob de blue tail fly.'
CHORUS
Ole massa gone, now let 'im rest,
Dey say all tings am for the best;
I nebber forget till de day I die,
Ole massa an' dat blue tail fly.
-drl
(Dm - 2Am)(Rmn + 1/2gmn R + 1/2Fmn) = 0
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Post #96,110
4/11/03 6:21:57 PM
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"kernels cracked?"_Oh no..!_ it's a bug-hunt ^h^h IT-gag :(
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Post #96,153
4/11/03 8:43:53 PM
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Well, there is the proverb:
"He that will have the kernel, must crack the shell."
Alex
Men never do evil so completely and cheerfully as when they do it from religious conviction. -- Blaise Pascal (1623-1662)
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Post #96,165
4/11/03 10:36:51 PM
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With this ring-0 I thee wed..
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Post #96,369
4/13/03 2:28:12 PM
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Re: Did you ever wonder...
> If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
Actually, it could well do. Sort of. It's arguably a specific case of 'There but for the grace of God go I'. You treat those who are unfortunate with charity, for one day it might be yourself who is one of the unfortunates.
qts
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Post #96,389
4/13/03 5:14:05 PM
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Seems quite so -
the measure of the humanity? morality? ..maturity? of a society is, how it treats its unfortunates.
(We lock up ___what% of our population? Other rich countries __?)
(Medical care = everybody is covered to some base level - right?)
Ashton
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Post #96,687
4/15/03 2:14:15 PM
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Another spoil-sport
My freezer has light
--
It made Ketchup!
Sweet Ketchup!
Put it on a hot dog, put it on a burger,
Put it on your sister and she'll holler blody murder!
Sweet Ketchup.
--Tom Paxton.
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