More edits (other post was getting *waaaaaay* out of hand ;)
Coming as it did in the depths of an economic downturn, forcing immediate expenditure, and increasing the cost of Microsoft software about 30% on average, License 6 has been unpopular (L1), but so many companies felt they had no choice, Microsoft's revenue increased 10% for the quarter.Lose three or four of the commas. (I did mention I'm anal about extraneous commas, didn't I? ;)
In fact, to save any further "lose the comma" remarks I'll just suggest you scan the whole thing for commas and delete any that don't set off an independent clause. Since I had it beaten into my head by a former editor that I overused the hell out of commas, I'm like a reformed smoker: I can't see them and not notice.
Under Licensing:
Expect ESL to be back in simplified form and with added incentives in conjunction with Office.NET (Microsoft never gives up on something they really want).Make the parenthetical a separate sentence.
Under "Dot .NET":
than Microsoft desires, High speed accessComma should be a period.
Also ".NET":
then by the U.S. government soon after the Bush/Ashcroft administration leaves office.Another one that sounds like a political shot above-and-beyond the realm of MS bashing. (And as with the other, whether I personally agree with that shot or not is immaterial.)
security problems..Doubled period.
Under "XML":
Even a causal readingPretty sure you meant"casual".
Under "Accounting":
I predicted about a year ahead of the factYou should link to your prediction.
And:
PSA Integrates Microsoft Project,I think "integrates"
should be lower case.
And:
Way too late - they've already forcing their customersTense mismatch. Should be "they're" or "forced".
And:
"But", you say, "how can Microsoft displace Intuit. Everybody's using QuickBooks. Intuit is just too popular".Comma should be inside the quote. Period should be a question mark. Second period should be inside quote.
Under "Software Development":
written in Microsoft Visual Basic, While Visual BasicComma should be period.
And:
It's easy to use "point and click" structureShould be "its". Couple other times through the piece. I won't point the rest out.
Under "Who Do You Call":
As Microsoft pushes it's marketShould be "its".
And:
[ but for business management and accounting, CRM (Customer Relationship Management and Supply Chain Management. Microsoft has had toshould be
but for business management and accounting, CRM (Customer Relationship Management) and Supply Chain Management, Microsoft has had toNote closing paren and period changed to comma.
Under "Entertainment":
Microsoft collects all the money. and all the personal informationThe period should be a comma, or gone altogether.
And:
Sony encourage ...Sony is providingIs "Sony" treated as a singular or plural? I don't know if there is a definitive answer, but it should be consistent.
And:
MPIA (Motion Picture Industry Association)That's MPAA (Motion Picture Association of America).
And:
to PCs other devices"and other"
And:
Heidi Rosen's RIAAUnless it's a joke I missed, that's Hilary Rosen.
Under "Security":
Unfortunately, system security is rocket science, so most Microsoft shops do not have the skills to implement effective security.You might want to point out that this includes Microsoft themselves. (Slapper) Ah, I see that you have this down below. Nevermind.
And:
Microsoft has sold everyone that Windows doesn't requireShould that be "told"? Unless you mean they've sold them on the idea, in which case that isn't clear.
And:
as with Windows 2000 SP3. and to install newPeriod should be a comma.
Under "Legal Problems":
judge CKK can pretty much have her way and her way of having it as far as remedies are concerned.This sounds awkward, like a few words are missing.
And:
in the transition to Windows. for instance,Period should be comma.
Why Chose Microsoft Solutions?should be "Choose" I believe.
what information systems will be used. even though they knowperiod/comma
this soothing ointment does comes with flys in it"come"
More later, Christ that's long.
