aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

(more coherent reasons forthcoming)

For the past week and a half I've been trying to get my computer to respond to my goddamn hand signals. It's new hardware, but it's still Mandrake 8.0. Now you have to understand that Mandrake 8.0 is what I was using as my IP masquerade/router/file server/print server BEFORE, without any problems.

Only THIS time it's not working. None of the same things I did before really work now.

I suppose the intelligent, rational thing to do would be to hate the specific problems that I'm having, bemoan the utter confusion of it all, and look forward to the day when I can fully understand why Linux does what it does -- but I left rationality about a week ago. Now I fully believe that Linux Torvalds hates me, and has hated me since conception, and that Linux is the masterstroke by which he will drive me into ruin and insanity.

(That's pretty good. I think I'm gonna use it in my next Both Barrels column, which is all about this mess).

I had to replace my botherboard and my CPU because I cooked the processor because my powersupply fan died and the power supply sat not a centimeter from the CPU.

I replaced 'em. That all works now.

I then loaded the VERY SAME CD of Mandrake that I had downloaded from their site onto that PC.

I then wrestled with the fact that I couldn't get my cable modem to work, but after realizing I'd done something stupid, I fixed that.

This was a week ago. I now had a fully functional workstation that could connect to the PC. Great and dandy.

Then I needed to set it up so I could get my OTHER machines to connect to the net as well, so I fire up Mandrakes little IP forwarding utility. Works like a charm.

Ok, THEN I needed to set up the firewall thingy so I don't get used in remote ping attacks, or whatever it someone would want to do with my machine. So I run their tinyfirewall configuration thingy. It sets up the firewall and proceeds to cut off all my other machines from darklord. The other machines still have net access, mind you, but they can neither ping darklord nor access any samba shares.

But wait! I remember what I did last time! There was a configuration script that you modify, and you place your internet ethernet card address (eth0) in the "public" setting, and your local network card (eth1) in the "Trusted" section, and everything starts to work again!

So I go over to /usr/share/Bastille and I find bastille-firewall.cfg, and make the edits. I then type "bastille-netfilter stop" and "bastille-netfilter start"... and nothing happens. The firewall still blocks anything coming in from eth1.

Well, perhaps I'm using the wrong command. If I power down, I think to myself, on boot Mandrake will activate everything fress, sho even if bastille-netfilter isn't the command that changes the configuration scripts, whatever it really is will start 'em up.

So I reboot. Nothing happens, firewall still acting on default settings.

"Huh?" I think to myself. "But, this worked LAST time..."

THEN I learn there's ANOTHER bastille-firewall.cfg script setting in the /etc/Bastille directory, so I go over there, modify THAT, and then type "bastille-netfilter stop" and then "bastille-netfilter start"... and lo and behold, it works! alex and mark ping darklord just fine, samba shares work, samba printing works, all is good with this world...

Then I leave for a while and power down my machines. Then I come back and power up my machines, and ALL NETWORK CONNECTIONS ARE LOST. According tot he Mandrake boot thingy, it can't even START IPV4, much less get lo, eth0 and eth1 doing whatever the hell they need to do.

I have no idea why, though. So after three days of beating my head against the keyboard, on a merry whim I copy the original bastille-firewall.cfg file over the modified one, reboot, and huzzah! It works! Well, it works like it originally did -- no ping, no samba, etc.

ANY change I make to these scripts disables networking on a reboot. ANYTHING. It's as if the Mandrake 8.0 Linux code morphed somehow. I dunno how. It changed while it was sitting on my desk and moved everything around. I can't get this stupid, stupid firewall to do what it's supposed to do. Grrrrrrrrrrrrr. I've been trying to fix this goddamn thing for so long, I spent most of THREE DAY WEEKEND trying to make it work, and it STILL ISN't FIXED.

So I hate Linux. And Linus did it to me on purpose. He's sitting in California laughing his ass off right now.

but it's taking more effort than I can muster to fix it. :P

I actually think that 7.2 was probably the best version of Mandrake I've ever used. Wish I could find those CDs... although, 8.0 and I seem to have come to a truce, so I'm sorta afraid to bother it, you know? :)

Man, 2001... I remember this. It launched one of my more successful storylines.

No... must... not... remember... ordeal... must... fight... back... flood... of... painful... memories... nnnnnnooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo...