Don't know that I agree, but his position is consistent

Post #6,863 by drewk 8/27/01 5:06:56 PM Reply	Don't know that I agree, but his position is consistent He's basically telling his daughter that in his opinion she is not an adult, not ready for this. If she wants to disagree, then she is saying that she is an adult. For a daughter to say, "I'm an adult and I can do what I want ... oh by the way, could you buy some diapers and formula when you go to the store?" is trying to have it both ways. My daughter is still at least a decade away from this becoming an issue, so I can't swear to how I will feel when it is. But I do believe there are times that parents should tell their children that they (the parents) will not support certain decisions. Having a child is a special case, in that the decision can't be changed so there is no chance to reconsider. This is my sig. There are many like it, but this one is mine.
Post #6,867 by ChrisR 8/27/01 5:23:26 PM Reply	Drawing lines in the sand... But I do believe there are times that parents should tell their children that they (the parents) will not support certain decisions. I agree that there are times, but to draw absolute lines in the sand just shows a lack of understanding about the dynamics of human relationships. Let's take the matter from a different direction. Let's say said daughter is a Freshman in college, having attained the ripe old age of 18. Let's also say that daughter is financially dependent on parents. Let's say Dad has agreed that 18 years is old enuf for daughter to decide on her own - by the standards that he has set. Will Dad continue to financially support this daughter if she decides of her own volition to have the child? Does dad have one set of rules that apply to under 18 and another that apply to over 18? Would he be willing to assist an 18 year old mother but unwilling to assist a 17 year old mother?
Post #6,875 by mmoffitt 8/27/01 5:46:27 PM Reply	Not me ;-) >>Will Dad continue to financially support this daughter if she decides of her own volition to have the child? Because I know the evidence is strong that this daughter will not finish college if she has a child in her freshman year. As long as you're on my dime, you're on my time. It still would be a mistake, although arguably not as grievous as if this daughter was 14 and pregnant.
Post #6,883 by Another Scott 8/27/01 6:15:14 PM Reply	Not being a parent, and not likely to be ... Take this with a grain of salt. :-) It's good to have convictions about things. But I don't understand how you can have such strong views about this when there have to be other circumstances which haven't been discussed. I understand that this is hypothetical. Was she "going steady" with someone? Was it a one-night stand? How long had they been dating? Do they love each other or was it hormones? How good is she in making reasonable decisions? Did she intentionally get pregnant to spite you? Was this completely out of character for her? Is she sneaking around without your knowledge or were you inattentive to what she was doing? I think the circumstances matter a great deal. I knew a couple in high school (late '70s). They'd been dating for several years and fooled around a lot. She got pregnant when she was 16 or so. (His father was a minister.) They got married, earlier than they planned, and she had the child. They had a few more too. They were a wonderful couple and were having a great life together the last I saw them. He had his own business and was doing pretty well. I knew another girl in high school who got pregnant and had her child and continued to attend high school and I think went off to college. Abortion wasn't an option for her, and she had no interest in marrying the guy. I think her family helped raise the kid. She was in the honor society. I agree with you that it's most likely that a girl having a child at 16 is going to have many difficulties in life. It'll be hard on you and her no matter which way the decision is made. But I don't think you can declare at this point that "this is the way it's going to be" without considering the circumstances. And I agree with Simon that if she's in this situation it's very difficult to impose your will at this late date. In short, I think your reaction should depend on the circumstances. It may be that imposing your will on her (by causing her to feel rejection, or maybe causing her to feel grief over the loss, etc.) may be more damaging than her having the child. Having her live on the street, or in a crack house or something isn't something anyone should be forced to do - but some people feel they have no choice. My $0.02. Cheers, Scott.

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