Microsoft's New Legal Strategy (it just might work)

REDMOND, WA -- Microsoft announced last week that it would
be appealing the anti-trust verdict rendered against it by
Judge Jackson, and upheld by the U.S. Circuit Court of
Appeals for the District of Columbia, to the United States
Supreme Court.

Humorix sources close to the Microsoft legal team inform us
that Microsoft is planning a secret new legal strategy.
They plan to argue that recently surfaced evidence will
prove once-and-for-all that the software giant is not
guilty of anti-competitive behavior... by reason of
insanity.

They plan use the MPEG video of Steve Ballmer from an
internal Microsoft event[1] as their primary piece of
evidence.

Humorix legal consultant, Noah Morals, had this to say when
asked about Microsoft's new legal strategy: "It will never
work. You cannot use insanity as a defense for
anti-competitive behavior in a US court of Law. Believe
me, I've tried it."

When asked about whether this is just a delay tactic,
Morals responded, "If it is, it's a poor one. They'll be
publicly humiliated when they get laughed out of the
courtroom... I know I was! If Microsoft is really,
seriously thinking about this, they're insane! That will
be $250 for this consultation."

After viewing the Ballmer video himself, Morals added "I
changed my mind, they can pull this off, it's brilliant!
That's another $60 you owe me."

A Microsoft spokeswoman who asked not to be named said that
she knew nothing about this new legal strategy, but denied
that the company has lost its marbles. "No, I can firmly
say that all of the marbles are in still in vases scattered
around the reception area for decorative purposes, just as
they've always been."

[1] [link|http://www.discoman.net/monkeyboy/dancemonkeyboy.mpeg|http://www.discoman...nkeyboy.mpeg]

Tactically, a brilliant strategy, but strategically flawed. That is, flawed from Microsoft's perspective.

The Department of Justice will side with Microsoft on this and present evidence of schizophrenia, multiple-personality disorder, paranoia, autism, and (from evidence gathered from hard disks at Microsoft facilities) serious sexual aberations.

The courts will agree and remand Microsoft to the care of the Department of Health and Human Resources. A 16 foot razor wire fence will be erected around the Redmond campus, which will be renamed "The Redmond Rest Home for Victims of Technology Stress", and all Internet access will be cut off.

Cafeine and sugar will be banned from the facility. Prozac and Ridilin will replace Twinkies and Jolt Cola in the vending machines. All software will be removed from the computers and be replaced with the Sticky Bear series.

The world will heave a sigh of relief, and go on with business.

Post #4,687 by Fearless Freep 8/11/01 10:22:59 PM Reply	Microsoft's New Legal Strategy (it just might work) REDMOND, WA -- Microsoft announced last week that it would be appealing the anti-trust verdict rendered against it by Judge Jackson, and upheld by the U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals for the District of Columbia, to the United States Supreme Court. Humorix sources close to the Microsoft legal team inform us that Microsoft is planning a secret new legal strategy. They plan to argue that recently surfaced evidence will prove once-and-for-all that the software giant is not guilty of anti-competitive behavior... by reason of insanity. They plan use the MPEG video of Steve Ballmer from an internal Microsoft event[1] as their primary piece of evidence. Humorix legal consultant, Noah Morals, had this to say when asked about Microsoft's new legal strategy: "It will never work. You cannot use insanity as a defense for anti-competitive behavior in a US court of Law. Believe me, I've tried it." When asked about whether this is just a delay tactic, Morals responded, "If it is, it's a poor one. They'll be publicly humiliated when they get laughed out of the courtroom... I know I was! If Microsoft is really, seriously thinking about this, they're insane! That will be $250 for this consultation." After viewing the Ballmer video himself, Morals added "I changed my mind, they can pull this off, it's brilliant! That's another $60 you owe me." A Microsoft spokeswoman who asked not to be named said that she knew nothing about this new legal strategy, but denied that the company has lost its marbles. "No, I can firmly say that all of the marbles are in still in vases scattered around the reception area for decorative purposes, just as they've always been." [1] [link\|http://www.discoman.net/monkeyboy/dancemonkeyboy.mpeg\|http://www.discoman...nkeyboy.mpeg] Jay O'Connor "Going places unmapped to do things unplanned to people unsuspecting"
Post #4,696 by Andrew Grygus 8/11/01 11:35:26 PM Reply	With B & B as evidence, how can they lose? Tactically, a brilliant strategy, but strategically flawed. That is, flawed from Microsoft's perspective. The Department of Justice will side with Microsoft on this and present evidence of schizophrenia, multiple-personality disorder, paranoia, autism, and (from evidence gathered from hard disks at Microsoft facilities) serious sexual aberations. The courts will agree and remand Microsoft to the care of the Department of Health and Human Resources. A 16 foot razor wire fence will be erected around the Redmond campus, which will be renamed "The Redmond Rest Home for Victims of Technology Stress", and all Internet access will be cut off. Cafeine and sugar will be banned from the facility. Prozac and Ridilin will replace Twinkies and Jolt Cola in the vending machines. All software will be removed from the computers and be replaced with the Sticky Bear series. The world will heave a sigh of relief, and go on with business. [link\|http://www.aaxnet.com\|AAx]
Post #4,750 by a6l6e6x 8/12/01 2:16:53 PM Reply	ROFL! Alex Only two things are certain: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not certain about the universe. -- Albert Einstein (1879-1955)

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