DAMNITOL
Take 2 and the rest of the world can go to hell for up to 8 full \ufffdhours!
EMPTYNESTROGEN
Suppository that eliminates melancholy and loneliness by reminding \ufffdyou of how awful they were as teenagers and how you couldn't wait till \ufffdthey moved out.
ST. MOMMA'S WORT
Plant extract that treats mom's depression by rendering preschoolers \ufffdunconscious for up to two days.
PEPTOBIMBO
Liquid silicone drink for single women. Two full cups swallowed \ufffdbefore an evening out increases breast size, decreases intelligence, and \ufffdprevents conception.
DUMBEROL
When taken with Peptobimbo, can cause dangerously low IQ, resulting \ufffdin enjoyment of country music and pickup trucks.
FLIPITOR
Increases life expectancy of commuters by controlling road rage and \ufffdthe urge to flip off other drivers.
MENICILLIN
Potent anti-boy-otic for older women. Increases resistance to such \ufffdlethal lines as, "You make me want to be a better person."
BUYAGRA
Injectable stimulant taken prior to shopping. Increases potency, \ufffdduration, and credit limit of spending spree.
JACKASSPIRIN
Relieves headache caused by a man who can't remember your birthday, \ufffdanniversary, phone number, or to lift the toilet seat.
ANTI-TALKSIDENT
A spray carried in a purse or wallet to be used on anyone too eager \ufffdto share their life stories with total strangers in elevators.
NAGAMENT
When administered to a boyfriend or husband, provides the same \ufffdirritation level as nagging him.