Dropping like flies...

Post #295,748

11/8/07 2:00:36 AM

I'm pondering the topic of death tonight, because I seem to be surrounded by it all of a sudden. It's overwhelming.

I mean, I've been to the odd funeral here and there, spaced widely apart, usually, and usually not people that made a huge impact on my life. Mostly people my parents knew, or distant relatives.

But this...I can't comprehend the enormity of it. In the past few months, people I grew up with, childhood friend's parents, people from my current church, people from my old church, even people younger, that I met later in college... have just been dying out.

I can't even keep the order straight in my head anymore, it's so overwhelming. There were at least 2-3 older people from my current church, at least 2-3 relatives, one dear friend from college who just dropped dead of a heart attack at the age of 46 (which I just turned, by the way), 2 neighbors of my parents, including my childhood friend's father, and someone from my old church.

I know I'm supposed to be a baby boomer, (albeit a late one), but this is really creepy..., I mean...it's like everything I grew up with, is disappearing around me... and my parents...well, they are 77 and 84... and now they are but 3 of the original adults that lived in the court where I grew up, who are still there, and still alive.

I have written more notes with details, called more people, passed on more funeral information and arrangements in the past 2-3 months than I ever care to do at one time... and it still seems never ending. Even today, I received more news about yet another church member from the old church, this one MY age, who is deathly ill and in the hospital.

Is it right to feel so freaked out over this? Is this what I can expect non-stop for the next years ahead? That's a dumb question, I know... I mean, everyone around me is aging. That's a fact of life...but I wish I had a manual or something, some procedure or technique to help me cope with it on this kind of scale. And it doesn't get any easier as more happen, it actually seems to get worse.

I don't even know why I wrote this...I just needed to say it to someone, I guess. I can't tell my parents, they'll think I'm complaining. I can't tell the people calling me with the news, and I'm trying not to put anymore on John at the moment. It just feels like this endless wave of death, grief and mourning is lashing at me, and I just wish I could find some higher ground and escape some of it, even for a little while.

Just voicing some random restless thoughts that are swirling around in my head tonight, and appreciating that you're all here to voice them to. :)

Brenda

"When you take charge of your life, there is no longer need to ask permission of other people or society at large. When you ask permission, you give someone veto power over your life." -- By Geoffrey F. Abert
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"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind, don't matter - and those who matter, don't mind." -- By Dr. Seuss
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"Sometimes it takes a whole lot more strength to walk away than to stand there and fight." -- By the character of John Abbott: said on Young & Restless on 5/19/06
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Post #295,749

by Ashton

11/8/07 6:23:36 AM

Stress . . .

(A catchall for the many stimuli which the emotional brain interprets as ~ Threat! Adrenaline! Fight/Flight and such.)

We've each/all abided near 7-years of rule by a lawless radical cabal; its fear-inducing propaganda has been a daily, bogus parody of their illogical rhetoric -- the sort which tortures language beyond all meaning. They are Selling the nostrum of: perpetual fear..
Successfully - in the feeble-minded.

The fallout - those factoids describing the hundreds of ugly events we all know about - is bound to have taken a toll, especially on those who are not very articulate about their own feelings.. nor particularly clueful about the mass psychology of all political speech / and the suggestibility of all mobs.

(Such jarring episodes cannot be described well, while one is still immersed in the cacophony of contradictions and ego-saving fabrications - much less can silly 'numbers' be assigned to the events.)

My guess: such exposure, so lengthy a period of unremitting daily lies . . . might well shorten the life span of the particularly susceptible (say, those who - like young Anne Frank - once believed that, "basically, people are Good" ??)

ie. It requires attainment of a certain level of comprehension of the depths of humanoid perversity (most evident within all those seeking the power to force others to believe Exactly as they do) -- ever to innoculate oneself from distress over the stupidities/suffering which unrestrained sociopaths create.

Maybe they die of the proverbial 'broken heart' ??
(And - the daily commute to some deadly-boring paper-shuffling desk job might well provide further incentive for exiting the play early?)

Look.. take the event in paper a few days back:
a lovely intelligent -promising!- 15 yo girl, shot in the back=dead during an unsuccessful attempt by three marauding teens: to rob a group of people enjoying selves in a park (!)
Or the next IED-exploded young life, snuffed as direct result of a Cheney supervised campaign of premeditated lies.. intended to mold a country to gratify his diseased ego re 'presidential powers'.

Should any of these horrors be less? more? distressing than the death of someone who happened to be a member of a randomly assembled (group in a church?) Where then does empathy for an individual end and general obsession begin? If these emotional states overlap, a one can wear black indefinitely. (You can make Yourself sick, too. Y'know?)

Try not-to, eh? Read some Shakespeare sonnets..
Get tickets to a ballet; quash all 'practical' head-chatter and Believe for the duration --> in Wonderfulness. Much cheaper and lots more fun than shrink-talk, I wot.

A.

PS - you don't have to be a 'baby boomer' [either!]; it's another made-up tag intended to homogenize a whole bunch of people into a sound bite. Must you obey every silly label invented by the bookkeeping mind? Read your own koans!

Post #295,767

by Nightowl

11/8/07 2:42:57 PM

Re: Stress . . .

Hmm, hadn't thought of this...

My guess: such exposure, so lengthy a period of unremitting daily lies . . . might well shorten the life span of the particularly susceptible (say, those who - like young Anne Frank - once believed that, "basically, people are Good" ??)

Maybe they die of the proverbial 'broken heart' ??

Maybe that could explain why some die faster than others. I mean, several of these people died of cancer, some young, some old. Remarkably though, some of the older ones fought harder, where some of the younger ones succumbed faster. I mean, I understand it's the nature of the cancer, placement, severity, etc. But it's hard to comprehend how two people with lung cancer had such drastically different lifespans... I mean, my cousin survived it for 3 years, and my parent's neighbor died within a month or so. Perhaps it was the will to fight in the face of all you described?

Should any of these horrors be less? more? distressing than the death of someone who happened to be a member of a randomly assembled (group in a church?) Where then does empathy for an individual end and general obsession begin? If these emotional states overlap, a one can wear black indefinitely. (You can make Yourself sick, too. Y'know?)

Yes, that I understand, making yourself sick. I have yet another visitation to attend this afternoon, and my stomach hurts just thinking about it. (sigh).

Try not-to, eh? Read some Shakespeare sonnets..

Get tickets to a ballet; quash all 'practical' head-chatter and Believe for the duration --> in Wonderfulness. Much cheaper and lots more fun than shrink-talk, I wot.

I'm willing to try, Ashton. I listen to my hockey, I do things I enjoy, I listen to music that soothes me...and I try to provide comfort and help to the ill and bereaved and their families.

Sometimes it feels worth it all. When my cousin Fred got lung cancer, I couldn't help much, I mean monetarily and all, like some of the other family members tried to do. But I sent him cards. I sent him a card every few weeks, encouraging him, praying for him, trying to make him smile or even laugh. And towards the end, before he died, he told me those cards were one of the most looked forward to things he focused on during his illness. They uplifted him, they comforted him, and his wife told me after he died, that he had kept them all near him and around him to cheer him when he needed it.

I sent cards to two of the people who just died, also, (albeit not as long, since neither survived more than a couple of months), and one of the first things the widow of one of them told me last night, was he loved the cards I sent.

So I guess I have some good role in all of this...I just sometimes find it hard to see that goodness in face of all the sorrow and grief.

Thanks Ashton. :)

Brenda

P.S. I plan to comment on your Baby Boomer part in another post. ;)

Post #295,768

by Nightowl

11/8/07 2:49:01 PM

11/8/07 2:53:49 PM

Speaking of Baby Boomers...

PS - you don't have to be a 'baby boomer' [either!]; it's another made-up tag intended to homogenize a whole bunch of people into a sound bite. Must you obey every silly label invented by the bookkeeping mind? Read your own koans!

Actually, Ashton, I didn't even KNOW I was a Baby Boomer until recently. I was reading an article about the first Baby Boomer ever that was filing for Social Security. I read the date span of the Baby Boomers and found I was born near the tail end, in 1961. The years spanned to 1964. I can't remember the starting year.

I was so surprised to find I was one, to be honest. So I'm not obeying any label, I was trying to wrap my mind around being one of these, and trying to figure out what significance, if any, it had, other than having been born during wartime, was it? (My guess with me, would be the Vietnam war).

So I wouldn't know how to act like a Baby Boomer if I tried. ;) Hehe!

Brenda

EDIT: P.S. I meant to shift this into a new thread in Open Forum, but somehow it didn't work... hmmm. Did we change around the save as new topic function? I don't see it anymore.

EDIT: I actually found the new topic button, but it appears only to work when you first make the post. I goofed, when I sent and now it doesn't seem like I can change it to be a new thread. Ah well, sorry.

Edited by Nightowl Nov. 8, 2007, 02:51:00 PM EST

Edited by Nightowl Nov. 8, 2007, 02:53:49 PM EST

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Post #295,755

by imqwerky

11/8/07 8:23:37 AM

Statistics

Suppose you are at a given point on a road, keeping track of how many red cars you see in a given period of time.

Perhaps within the first hour, you've only seen 3 red cars.

Suppose the next hour, there are 15.

Life events happen the same way. Don't fear them. Embrace them. Be the good friend that you are and seek the joy and beauty in each moment.

It's all about the ride.

I wish you peace.

Smile,
Amy

Post #295,757

by boxley

11/8/07 9:39:32 AM

heck, I read the obits every day from back home

People dont die less as you grow older. You know a larger circle of people who are aging unto death. Either you will outlive them or not.

Spent the last week waiting to see if I had a life expectancy of less than one year or an unknown life expectancy. Turns out the biopsy came back clean. It did make me focus on stuff that needed to be done. Paperwork in order, shit to do and a mikey list in case I got really pissed about it.

Dont dwell on it, everyone is born to die, some people take longer than others.
thanx,
bill

Quantum materiae materietur marmota monax si marmota monax materiam possit materiari?
Any opinions expressed by me are mine alone, posted from my home computer, on my own time as a free american and do not reflect the opinions of any person or company that I have had professional relations with in the past 51 years. meep

reach me at [link|mailto:bill.oxley@cox.net|mailto:bill.oxley@cox.net]

Post #295,769

by Nightowl

11/8/07 2:53:15 PM

11/8/07 3:04:05 PM

I had a similar scare...

Probably not as bad as yours, as they just redid my scans, but I was told they had seen something during my yearly mammogram last month and I had to have a digital scan and ultrasound. Fortunately, they didn't find anything during the second round. Whew.

Maybe that's part of why I feel so weird... I agree, something like that does bring you face to face abruptly with your own mortality.

Glad everything was ok, Box!

Brenda

Edited by Nightowl Nov. 8, 2007, 03:04:05 PM EST

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Post #295,758

by a6l6e6x

11/8/07 9:58:32 AM

That can be depressing for sure.

But, you've got to remember a couple things. One is that there is no schedule for events like this. Other than all drinking St. Louis water :), they are independent of each other. So, while deaths sometimes cluster they sometimes spread out and seem rare. The other is that, as we age, time seems to speed up. So, events appear to be happening at a more rapid clip.

Another factor is how large your circle of family, friends, and acquaintances is. The bigger the circle the more deaths. A hermit doesn't see any deaths. If it troubles you, decrease that circle. Disengage from some folks of the "old church", for example.

As they say, this too shall pass!

Alex

Nobody has a more sacred obligation to obey the law than those who make the law. -- Sophocles (496? - 406 BCE)

Post #295,770

by Nightowl

11/8/07 3:00:16 PM

Ah, the irony of your statement...

Another factor is how large your circle of family, friends, and acquaintances is. The bigger the circle the more deaths. A hermit doesn't see any deaths. If it troubles you, decrease that circle. Disengage from some folks of the "old church", for example.

Oh if that were easy. ;) Actually, the "old church" is still all around me. The preacher who married John and I, stays in regular touch with us, and actually is driving in today and taking my parents to the funeral for the former "old church" member.

The family I loved best at the "old church" has informed me they are moving around the corner from us in November... talk about weird. And we've been in touch also ever since the "old church" closed. John and I even assisted at her daughter's wedding this summer.

But the irony of it all, is that I believe I will be leaving my current church at the end of the year. Even though things have improved some there, they haven't improved to my doctor's satisfaction where my health is stable. And the church I'm thinking of attending when/if I leave this one?

The church where the remaning "old church" members now attend. ;)

Thanks for the support and advice though, Alex. I reduced my Christmas Card list considerably this year, maybe that's a good start, ya think?

Brenda

Post #295,774

by static

11/8/07 5:01:22 PM

Various things.

Us humans tend to rethink the way we live when confronted with our own mortality. As Box said, you see this in people who suddenly don't have long to live. I saw it in a 13-year old boy I knew some years ago who contracted leukemia, went into remission, then it came back. He made his peace with the world and with God and accepted his curtailed lifetime. There were over 600 people at his funeral - and that church has never had a service so big before or since.

Even little things can do it: I've never been someone who will try anything, but events in the last 18 months have changed me a little and now there *are* things I'd try - you've heard about the kilt, for instance. Having loved and lost, I know I'm definitely living more in the moment now.

And another thing that may help - and I'm not belittling your real feelings - but the way our memory works is that it prefers to remember statistical anomolies. I heard recently of a couple of studies related to how people remember things like gambling wins and losses. Basically the importance we attach to individual events is important in remembering aggregates of them. That's very likely the reason why you feel worried about your peers dying. It's the same effect when it seemed everyone around you was getting married or having children and you weren't: human memory remmebers this and makes it seem more significant than it really is.

Wade.

Is it enough to love
Is it enough to breathe
Somebody rip my heart out
And leave me here to bleed

Is it enough to die
Somebody save my life
I'd rather be Anything but Ordinary
Please

-- "Anything but Ordinary" by Avril Lavigne.

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