Well, they are rising up, anyway....

We've had our new pastor for almost 3 years, (2 and a half this summer). At first he seemed like a decent guy, amiable, willing to listen, willing to discuss things, work out solutions.

Somewhere along the line, something changed. He didn't seem right at times. His behavior, well it seemed questionable at times. Oh he smooth talked his way through, explained everything away, but I started to see him in a different light.

I noticed that he didn't really always keep his word, in fact, he often forgot about even addressing an issue. I noticed that his promises to give us some proper guidelines for the music, to address issues about how the service should be handled, and etc, began to sound hollow and empty as months passed after that initial promise and nothing happened.

Then I saw a darker side of him than I ever wanted to see. An angry man, one with a vindictive and revengeful streak... calling it "My church" not "Our church" and saying, "He would MAKE us do what he wanted."

I began to fear that trusting him was wrong. That I had been led astray. What pastor talks about his flock in such a hateful manner? And he was talking to ME about it, because I had built a trusting relationship with him... or so I had thought.

When he began outlining his plans to essentially dismantle everything our church held dear and revamp it to the point where we would most likely not recognize it, I got scared... and I felt guilty for knowing these things.

I had been the go between for him and the music department, and now I was thinking this was not a safe place to be. In addition to that, I was having problems with his wife as well, because of music issues, and something was revealed that finally showed me the deception and underhandedness they were capable of. I was reeling, how could I have trusted these people? But I was smart. I pulled out of the middle and told them I was no longer their liason.

Since I was not officially a member, he could not force me to remain in the uncomfortable place of being between him and them, and I breathed a sigh of relief. But then without warning, they started to change the service musically to the point where I was completely unable to play the music. They were changing keys at a whim, something I can't do, changing order, blending one song into another and giving me little or no direction. It all came to a head on Easter Sunday, when I was also more or less ordered to stand down from the PA duties that I'd been entrusted to prior. I stood my ground and assisted the "rookie" they had grabbed to run the board, but I realized something was really up now.

This time I was smarter. After confirming what was going on, and indeed learning that the music was being evolved to a place where I most likely could not go, I spoke again to the pastor by phone and told him as much. He told me they planned to change things and that was that. Then he said something personal to me that was unacceptable, something to the order of my having no rights to feel a certain way. Since a few months before, he had also told me I had no right to hold a particular opinion, this was the last straw for me. I terminated the phone conversation and informed them through e-mail that I was taking a three week sabbatical from all my duties at the church.

I just learned that the Pastor removed the song-director from his position and they all found this out last night. The sheep of his flock are angry. They are hurt, they are tired of being ordered around like so many cattle, and they insist they are going to do something about it.

There is a big meeting coming up, and I suspect that is when it will all come down. I'm glad I'm still on my break for some time, because all I want to do is duck... and I keep asking myself, did I CAUSE this? Was I wrong to try and faciliate things between him and the music department when he first came? Was I wrong to try and help him get to know the congregation and how it worked, and what each one's musical needs were? Was I wrong to trust him?

I feel like I've trusted a wolf in sheep's clothing and now that wolf is released into the pasture on the unsuspecting flock...

If the sheep are forewarned, can they stop the wolf?

And why do I feel like the black sheep in all this?

Any thoughts and comments are welcome, as I'm trying to figure out if I was duped, how much I was duped, and was I stupid to not see it? What did I do wrong?

Brenda

I'm considering all options. If they somehow get the preacher either in line or gone, I would consider returning. If he stays in charge in the manner he is in, or doesn't remedy any of the problems, I will most likely scram.

The nicest part right now though is I don't have to make such a decision at this time. I have all the time I want to wait and see what happens with tomorrow's meeting and whatever else might happen.

Right now the goal is to get my heart to stop racing every time the thoughts cross my mind, and I'm making progress on that. :)

Thanks for all your opinions, and I'm taking them under consideration.

Brenda

a church is an assembly of people like a bar...a preacher is the equivelent of a bartender, he has a clientel he either likes or dont...the drinkers go there because they like to drink there or not...If they dont like it they move elsewhere...

Interesting... however, there are also the employees at the "bar" Now mind you, the situation at a church is different, because most churches don't pay their musicians (that I am aware of). But I can't be considered a patron of the bar, because I am an "employee" per se. I go there and provide a service, i.e. live music. So although I can leave the "bar" and find another one, that doesn't mean I can find one that will give me that opportunity to serve by playing music.

...A nice desert or a quiet night in the mountains or a few hours beside a river provides more interactione between G_d and man than any group...

I have to agree here too. I tend to find God more deeply in the quiet places in life. That's why I have to decide if the situation allows me to continue to do that at my church, and if not, I guess I need to start looking for another "bar".

But right now I don't have to do anything but wait. Apparently my conversation with the deacon got some fires lit under the pastor, because he made sure my mom had the music line up and new sheet music last night and told her "we need to get our act together." The choir director (who is the deacon I mentioned), also is staying the choir director and told the pastor the choir needs music too. So my pulling out has caused some obvious ripples and the sheep have noticed and are bleating loudly about the problems.

No concrete information about me and my situation yet, but I do know the pastor's wife put new songs in this week's service again that not only do the musicians not know, but the congregation doesn't either. So I guess we wait and see what their reaction is.

Meanwhile, I'm just trying to get my heartrate back to normal and keep it from spiking again whenever I think about the situation...and taking it easy and staying away for now.

Besides, it's still hockey playoff time. ;)

Brenda

...really rise to the level of "Religion, Philosophy, Metaphysics" merely because they have most recently manifested themselves inside a church?

The topic I originally posted and asked about was not my panic attacks. The topic I posted about was whether I had done the right thing in regards to the pastor, and I got my response.

The panic attack was just another factor in the situation, and hadn't even happened yet when I made my original post. The post was about whether a pastor should be behaving in this manner and what could be done about it.

I also edited post #282930 to clarify that my panic attack did not manifest itself inside a church. It happened right here at home. ;)

Hope this explains it.

Brenda

Edited for more clarity and accuracy.