You may or may not have noticed that I have not really been in here much these past two months. That's because I have been going through some extreme changes lately.

My depression of last year took me so low, that at one point it began to affect my marriage, so that was a serious wake up call for me. John and I worked hard on the issues and developed some solutions that would enable me to put him and my marriage first and still be able to be involved with my family to a lesser degree in the reunion committee.

I wrote up and refined the proposal I had posted here last year, and set some clearly defined boundaries where my personal life was concerned, and the Reunion Committee accepted it. I'm now working only on the graphics, I gave them the entire job of writing up the letters and mailing them all out. Trust me, they are discovering it isn't an easy task.

I explored my anger issues, which was something I have never done before, even in all the years of therapy, because I was afraid to, and I have come out of this stronger, more positive, and much more able to handle touchy situations. And I have concentrated on interacting more with the people who truly do care about me, as opposed to people who are more lukewarm or indifferent.

Since I joined here, I have always felt like a part of IWT, but also at times have felt like I'm outside the inner circle, or not really accepted overall. And that's ok, I guess, because not everyone likes everyone or can be expected to. I don't want everyone to like me either, I just want to feel like I belong in certain places, if that makes any sense.

So I have been less active here, and more active in other places where I get more acceptance and interaction. I figured you would all be happy anyway, as I know how I am tends to annoy many of you, and I'm sorry for that.

But anyway, to wrap this up, I now have my own 360 page and have started a blog there. So if anyone ever does wonder about me or even worry, because I'm not around, feel free to check it out at:

[link|http://360.yahoo.com/lightspeedowl|http://360.yahoo.com/lightspeedowl]

You can't comment on it unless you are invited, because I reserved commenting for invited friends, but if you want to be invited, drop me a line and I will.

Anyway, I'll leave you with my New Years Resolutions for 2006, and despite my lesser participation here, you'll all always have a special place in my heart. I learned a lot here, and I will continue to learn a lot here, I believe, and I owe that all to IWT.

Thanks, everyone.

OWL\ufffdS NEW YEAR\ufffdS
RESOLUTIONS FOR 2006

1. I resolve to do my best to always put John and the needs of our household first and foremost, before anything else.

2. I resolve to work on learning to communicate better with everyone, using clarification when necessary, especially with my immediate family.

3. I resolve to do my best to feel less obligated to my Yahoo Groups, and to stop feeling guilty when I\ufffdm not caught up everywhere at once.

4. I resolve to continue repairing my damaged self-esteem, and to make every available effort to learn from last year\ufffds events so that they do not repeat.

5. I resolve to take better care of myself, get more sleep, eat better, etc.

6. I resolve not to no longer quietly accept any intolerable treatment or situations anymore, but will now speak up when they happen.

7. And above all, I resolve to be myself, to accept myself as I am, and love myself and believe that I am okay.


Nightowl >8#

Steve Lowe wrote:

Sounds like you've got your priorities in order. I hope you and your marriage emerge stronger from this process.

Thanks Steve, I think it already has become stronger. We are communicating better and better every day. :)


Alex wrote:

Sure, I've noticed your reduced participation. But, life has its priorities. Sometimes IWeThey slips down the list a bit. That's how it goes....Good resolutions! Look at them periodically to keep from straying. :)

Well, to be honest, it's more than just IWT slipping down the list, it's actually been the Internet as a whole. Some days I just don't feel like participating much online, which is odd, really. Maybe I'm needing more time to be introspective with my thoughts? And I promise, I'll keep a copy of my resolutions handy and review them often. :)


Carl wrote:

I had noticed your reduced participation. you have your reasons, and know what they are. that's better than most. keep your priorities in order and you'll be fine.

Thanks Carl. I think I do finally have my priorities in order. :)


Ashton wrote:

Just. Kidding... Hang in there! Brenda; any annoyance you might create in the course of your belated voyage of self-discovery - in any of us who deem to have have achieved satisfiction - is miniscule (on your worst day) compared to, say:...the mere fact that bastards like Cheney continue to have oxygenated blood, to remain out of prison -- and to say the unspeakable. Often.

Thanks Ashton. I always know that I can count on your support. I even sort of consider you to be like my Mentor of IWT, and I'm proud to say I have learned much from you. :)

BTW, it's funny you mention Cheney. I was feeding my bird earlier, and I noticed that the paper lining his playpen had George Bush's face on it.... need I say more? ;) Maybe Sylvy will leave him a "present." ;)


Conrad wrote:

Re: Yeah, we noticed. Good for you, congratulations!

Another Scott wrote:

Good. Make yourself #0, not #7 though. :-)

Thanks, I wasn't really looking at what order they were in, but I'll keep that in mind. :)


Danno wrote:

"Since I joined here, I have always felt like a part of IWT, but also at times have felt like I'm outside the inner circle, or not really accepted overall." Now that you've finally bottomed out (like the entire "inner circle") then you've made it to where we are. You're now in the inner circle. Congratulations! Just don't try to actually keep any of the resolutions. If you start climbing your way back up, you'll only alienate this group. We like life on the bottom.

Hahaha, too funny. :) Thanks, Danno!


dmcarls wrote:

Good luck - come back here whenever you can, we'll save you a seat at the table.

Thanks dmcarl, that's nice to know :)

Brenda

Believe it or not, somehow between the cold swings and the warm swings of this stupid St. Louis winter, some fleas managed to hatch in my yard and apparently came in on our legs from the front walk again. :(

I'm hoping that the cold weekend we just had killed the rest off, but I'm still spraying and vacuuming and trying to be sure no more stragglers stayed in my house. It's threatening to depress me all over again, this is just so not fair. Why don't they just find a house with a dog?

Brenda

I may have to give up feeding the birds, not sure. Also there are squirrels, rabbits, and stupid dogs and cats that roam around, which is probably why I have my problem. I wish people would keep their pets in their own yards.

We still think there's at least one mouse left in the house, (long story, I didn't share, but they were doing Houdini tricks and getting into the seed container to eat the bags of seeds, and ignoring the one on top as bait), but we caught one, and the bait seeds by and on the traps weren't touched as of yesterday. We thought the mice were bringing them in, but it doesn't appear to be the case as there haven't been any signs of fleas downstairs this time, only up here. And I saw them jump on me on the front walk on the 15th. It's cold again, so that will help. I now haven't seen any since Sunday. Someone else suggested seeding the yard with lime, would that help?

Brenda