Choice of words is very important.

Post #232,770 by a6l6e6x 11/7/05 12:22:46 PM Reply	Choice of words is very important. If after the preacher said he fixed the problem you said "That may be, but we still appear to have a problem." he may not have reacted the way you said. Some people in some situations get defensive very easily and then it's tough to get back to cordial communications. Being too direct (in the interests of efficiency, of course) triggers these defensive reactions. So saying things like "I could be wrong, but...", or "Help me understand why..." and other such mealy-mouthed expressions which cannot be taken as accusatory. One of the hallmarks of a good working relations with a coworker is that you can dispense with these expressions. So practice such mealy-mouthed talk! :) Alex The trouble with the world is that the stupid are cocksure and the intelligent are full of doubt. -- Bertrand Russell
Post #232,773 by Nightowl 11/7/05 12:36:30 PM Reply	I'll try hard to remember that, Alex The real problem see, is I don't KNOW what I said. Once the fight-flight thing hit, I forgot almost everything between the first comment and the fleeing comment I made. I know I handed him his birthday card, and I said something to the effect of, I tested the PA and we still have no left channel...after that, I can only guess. I remember him saying something about having fixed it, and I remember saying it wasn't fixed now, but then that angry look fixed me, and I guess I thought he figured it was my fault, and well... the rest is a blur until I ran. Sometimes I really hate having my panic anxiety condition, especially when I can't remember anything said at the onset. (sigh). Brenda "I'll rock the darn boat all I want to, and if it's meant to stay afloat, then it will. If not, then we'll just all go down with the bloody ship!"
Post #232,781 by jbrabeck 11/7/05 1:04:33 PM Reply	As Alex said you'll need to PRACTICE the non direct methods. If others heard you say "I don't believe you", then you probably said that or words similar. "I don't believe you" is confrontational. "I must be doing something wrong, can you show me what to do." says the same thing, "it ain't working", but then you've asked for help. Even when you know you've done everything right. But it does take practice. And a conscious effort ask in the "non agressive" (mealy mouth) way. And it does work very effectively. A good friend will come and bail you out of jail ... but, a true friend will be sitting next to you saying, "Damn...that was fun!"

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