Thoughts send

Post #232,741 by jbrabeck 11/7/05 9:58:32 AM Reply	Thoughts send I would re-evaluate your statement All the mental stuff I'm telling myself is working, as a panic attack is not a physical reaction to physical stimuli, rather a physical reaction to mental stimuli. Something "panicked" you and you reacted. Reveiw with John the events at the restaurant; conversations, people, events, actions, etc., to see if you can identify what panicked you. Will it be easy, no. Good luck. A good friend will come and bail you out of jail ... but, a true friend will be sitting next to you saying, "Damn...that was fun!"
Post #232,755 by Nightowl 11/7/05 11:35:27 AM Reply	Actually, I know that First time, I was so stressed about a conversation Katie and my group and I were having online that I had a really bad IBS attack, and it scared me so bad, because the pain was so bad and I thought I might pass out, I'm almost sure I somehow scared myself into a panic attack at the restaurant. I didn't hyperventilate completely, but I wasn't good and John had to help me to the car. Second time, I tested the PA at church, and it didn't work, despite the preacher having gone up and supposedly "fixed" the left channel, so when I told him it didn't work, instead of understanding, he felt I was calling him a liar and got angry... and all I remember before panicking was the angry look on his face, and something about "don't tell me that... don't give me that look." The first one doesn't have any dialogue, so there's nothing to remember or forget, but the second one... people say I told him I didn't believe him.. three times or something, and I probably did, (the whole morning group was present), but I remember nothing past that look and that statement... until I ran from him and when he came towards me I actually had the presence of mind to tell him, "Don't come near me or I'll have a panic attack." And then I STAYED standing, the entire time, hanging onto a low wall by the organ, managed to calm down everything except my heart (it raced well into the late afternoon), play the service fine, cope with the PA fine, and afterwards apologize to both the preacher and his wife, who heard it all nearby. I've never been able to do that before. I've never been able to tell someone I was about to have one...tell them I might have one, yes, but never while it was in progress... and I've NEVER stayed standing with one that bad. But the blank out of memory of the conversation before I ran ... I remember snippets, is all, well that scares me. Not sure what to do, just trying to take it all one day at a time... Thanks for all the good thoughts, everyone. They help a lot. Brenda P.S. BTW we were both right, the PA is having some sort of intermittent problems, kicks on the left channel, then kicks it off, then on, then off. Not sure what's up "I'll rock the darn boat all I want to, and if it's meant to stay afloat, then it will. If not, then we'll just all go down with the bloody ship!"
Post #232,770 by a6l6e6x 11/7/05 12:22:46 PM Reply	Choice of words is very important. If after the preacher said he fixed the problem you said "That may be, but we still appear to have a problem." he may not have reacted the way you said. Some people in some situations get defensive very easily and then it's tough to get back to cordial communications. Being too direct (in the interests of efficiency, of course) triggers these defensive reactions. So saying things like "I could be wrong, but...", or "Help me understand why..." and other such mealy-mouthed expressions which cannot be taken as accusatory. One of the hallmarks of a good working relations with a coworker is that you can dispense with these expressions. So practice such mealy-mouthed talk! :) Alex The trouble with the world is that the stupid are cocksure and the intelligent are full of doubt. -- Bertrand Russell
Post #232,773 by Nightowl 11/7/05 12:36:30 PM Reply	I'll try hard to remember that, Alex The real problem see, is I don't KNOW what I said. Once the fight-flight thing hit, I forgot almost everything between the first comment and the fleeing comment I made. I know I handed him his birthday card, and I said something to the effect of, I tested the PA and we still have no left channel...after that, I can only guess. I remember him saying something about having fixed it, and I remember saying it wasn't fixed now, but then that angry look fixed me, and I guess I thought he figured it was my fault, and well... the rest is a blur until I ran. Sometimes I really hate having my panic anxiety condition, especially when I can't remember anything said at the onset. (sigh). Brenda "I'll rock the darn boat all I want to, and if it's meant to stay afloat, then it will. If not, then we'll just all go down with the bloody ship!"
Post #232,781 by jbrabeck 11/7/05 1:04:33 PM Reply	As Alex said you'll need to PRACTICE the non direct methods. If others heard you say "I don't believe you", then you probably said that or words similar. "I don't believe you" is confrontational. "I must be doing something wrong, can you show me what to do." says the same thing, "it ain't working", but then you've asked for help. Even when you know you've done everything right. But it does take practice. And a conscious effort ask in the "non agressive" (mealy mouth) way. And it does work very effectively. A good friend will come and bail you out of jail ... but, a true friend will be sitting next to you saying, "Damn...that was fun!"
Post #232,772 by jbrabeck 11/7/05 12:31:19 PM Reply	PA System check the inputs. you may have a loose/shorted wire on one on the left inputs. At our church some mikes are left, others are right. Output is mono, but with, iirc, guys on left and women on right, we can adjust all men or all women as a group. I'm not the regular sound guy, so I could be mistaken. A good friend will come and bail you out of jail ... but, a true friend will be sitting next to you saying, "Damn...that was fun!"
Post #232,774 by Nightowl 11/7/05 12:46:22 PM Reply	Re: PA System Which things are the inputs?, (so many things are plugged into others it's hard to tell which inputs you mean, sorry). At least the PA vindicated me some. When mom and I started playing together, her on organ and me on piano, I couldn't hear anything out the left monitor for the piano, so I barely could be with her as in staying with her in time. Then Susan and I did the praise songs, and at first all I could hear was her voice out the mike. Then all of a sudden, the monitor crackled and then the keyboard BLASTED really loudly out of the monitor. I don't know what it did with the left speaker, as I'm behind it, but it got really loud! Then mom came across the stage while I was still playing with Susan, (and told me that she had no organ. The organ had just quit. This sounded similar to last week (when I wasn't there), when Susan's keyboard just quit and then restarted. Sure enough, Mom tried to play the organ and had almost no sound (organ's external speaker I guess was helping). Russ, the preacher ran back and turned up sound, and we could hear the organ a little. Then there was more crackling and all of a sudden the organ blasted the congregation with sound. Bizzarrre. Susan (who was done playing), raced back to the board and turned mom's organ down. It was so weird. Then when Russ started preaching, I was sitting at the board writing stuff down that I had scribbled all over the directions taped to the board table. And then all of a sudden, there was this weird pop sound that made me jump up, then a distinct humming that got louder and ended in crackle. Susan flew back to the board, and I told her I didn't touch ANYTHING (because she was still upset about my panic attack reaction earlier), and she said, "I believe you... which one is mike 1" and I showed her and she adjusted it to stop the crackle. But something is clearly wrong...I just have no clue what. :( Brenda "I'll rock the darn boat all I want to, and if it's meant to stay afloat, then it will. If not, then we'll just all go down with the bloody ship!"
Post #232,777 by jbrabeck 11/7/05 12:57:36 PM Reply	Inputs Mikes, piano, keyboard, guitars are all inputs. Anything plugged into the back of the soundboard (at least on our's inputs are in the back). Our soundboard can be moved. We had a loose mike input cable, and when the soundboard was bumped, the wire didn't make a clean connection and would pop in and out. Unless someone bumped the soundboard, I would rule out the connections based on what you described. How old is the soundboard? Maybe take it to a electonics shop for evaluation. Could be internal. If it really old, dirty/corroded pot or slider. I guessing now. Easiest to check are the inputs. Unplug one item. Remove sleeve, visually check each wire, slight tug. Each should be clean and solid. If all are ok, possibly check other end (mike end). If that doesn't turn up anything get an "expert". Good luck. A good friend will come and bail you out of jail ... but, a true friend will be sitting next to you saying, "Damn...that was fun!"
Post #232,782 by Nightowl 11/7/05 1:07:30 PM Reply	Thanks, I'll give them the information :) "I'll rock the darn boat all I want to, and if it's meant to stay afloat, then it will. If not, then we'll just all go down with the bloody ship!"
Post #232,791 by bionerd 11/7/05 2:02:37 PM Reply	Could be a subconscious trigger causing your panic. Might not be so obvious to figure out-at least not on your own. Seems to me you are very comfortable soliciting support from your online friends, and that's great because we all need a support network, but make sure you dont replace this support for real professional help. You've been suffering for a long time, Brenda. Online feedback is nice and it lets you know people care about you, but I wonder if this is enough to get you on the road to feeling better. Follow your MOUSE
Post #232,807 by Nightowl 11/7/05 2:44:51 PM Reply	I'm hoping it's situational causing your panic. Might not be so obvious to figure out-at least not on your own. Seems to me you are very comfortable soliciting support from your online friends, and that's great because we all need a support network, but make sure you dont replace this support for real professional help. You've been suffering for a long time, Brenda. Online feedback is nice and it lets you know people care about you, but I wonder if this is enough to get you on the road to feeling better. The problem Laura, is that I was already in therapy since 1980, with only a short break where I wasn't, to learn these things. And I've learned them, I mean, I have a good grasp on what causes the panic attacks, and what causes the problems... right now I'm just frustrated because I think there's too much anxiety for even my coping methods to handle. So my goal is trying to reduce anxiety in any directions possible to get there. When I was released from therapy in Dec of 2003, my counselor told me that I just had to learn to believe in myself and trust my judgment and decisions. So I'm still working on that area. He also told me that someday, someday I would have to face up to my problem regarding being afraid of anger both in myself and in others... guess he was right. ;) In some ways, I'm so remarkably better it's funny how it compares to the panic attacks of the last few days. I got up at 9:30 this morning, something I've been unable to do for months. I got busy, did my routine, took care of business, and am mentally fine today at this point (as in not experiencing the depressed feelings I've been having for 2 weeks now). This doesn't mean I guess, that my body still isn't on the edge and could be triggered easily, I suspect it can be. But I still think it spells progress in some areas. Heck, I even braved some new anxiety today by putting on my new white boots and took back my front porch from the fleas. I'm sure the fleas are all dead by now, but my body didn't believe me... so I walked out there and proved it. I'm proud of that... as someone else in here said once, baby steps... little baby steps. July 17th I had a panic attack that deteriorated into a screaming crying crazy mess. Yesterday I had the start of a panic attack that I stood on my feet during and managed not to scream or make it crazy... and was even able to tell the person that I would have one if they pursued me with the issue. I'm not substituting online support for real knowledge and information. I'm only asking for online support because my family is so divided at this point about all of the issues involved, and the only person in my family who is soldidly behind me is John. I'm reading the books, I'm implementing the techniques and they seem to be working. I think my body is just trying to tell me to find a solution ASAP... and believe me, I'm trying. Speaking of which, I've been writing up a possible proposal to make the Reunion Committee work. I would really like some input on it from you guys, since you are all very business-sense oriented. Where would I post it for such approval? It's not really a job-related thing, so I wasn't sure where to put it. Brenda "I'll rock the darn boat all I want to, and if it's meant to stay afloat, then it will. If not, then we'll just all go down with the bloody ship!"

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