Okay, here's what I'm wrangling with.

Post #230,910 by bionerd 10/25/05 8:13:12 PM Reply	Okay, here's what I'm wrangling with. The commute is a lot longer than I thought. The before school program doesnt open up early enough for me to get work on time. As it is we are leaving the house before 7am. I've been late for work the last 2 days. My 6yo is at school for 11 straight hours. My 10 year old has been crying continously for the last two days, telling I me left him just like Daddy did. His anxiety and abandonment fears are through the roof. He is covered in hives. He and I both went to doc over the weekend. My bp was 151/90. I dont have HTN. My normal BP is 110/80. The stress is getting to me. In the PM we get home, eat, do homework and then it's bed time. No time for anything else, except crying. This is not going to work for me. It's a great job, great pay, great benefits, but it's going to kill me. It's too far away, the hours suck and I'm buried in University policy and procedures. I cant be a single parent and do this job. I just cant. I'll stroke out. The alternative- a job as a therapist in a mental health clinic just around the corner from my house. I can walk there in under 5 minutes. It is 5 minutes away from school. It's a contractual job. Pay is good, but no benefits. I can set my own schedule and see clients when I want. I can be there for my kids. I can still do some trauma response and continue working a bit from home. I can go home for lunch and let the dog out. It wont make me rich, I'll still be in debt, my retirement account will remain woefully under funded, I will remain under insured, I'll have to stay in my dinky little house, but I will be sane. And I will still be a good mom. I interview tomorrow night. Am I doing the right thing? The pressure is killing me. Follow your MOUSE
Post #230,912 by broomberg 10/25/05 8:18:27 PM Reply	Does the new job justify moving? Do you own your house or rent? Can you envision giving it up? Are there affordable places closer to the new job? Rather than sell your current house, could you rent it out? If the answer is no to any of the above questions, then you probably should take the closer / cheaper job, and conitnu to look for something better closer to your home. You / your kids cannot possibly last much longer given the description of what is going on. Note: My BP is 190/100. Wanna talk stress?
Post #230,914 by boxley 10/25/05 8:22:25 PM Reply	well if you ate something that wasnt blood thickener your heart wouldnt have to work so hard, take diovan HCT, fix ya right up. thanx, bill "the reason people don't buy conspiracy theories is that they think conspiracy means everyone is on the same program. Thats not how it works. Everybody has a different program. They just all want the same guy dead. Socrates was a gadfly, but I bet he took time out to screw somebodies wife" Gus Vitelli Any opinions expressed by me are mine alone, posted from my home computer, on my own time as a free american and do not reflect the opinions of any person or company that I have had professional relations with in the past 49 years. meep questions, help? [link\|mailto:pappas@catholic.org\|email pappas at catholic.org]
Post #230,916 by broomberg 10/25/05 8:28:55 PM Reply	On Toprol and HCTZ Plus exercising about every other day. Weight went from 215 -> 185 in the last 2 months. I'm 5'7", figure I got another 20 pounds to go. If that doesn't do it, I guess I'll juggle some more meds.
Post #230,917 by boxley 10/25/05 8:29:38 PM Reply	dont forget the blood thinner, several shots a day "the reason people don't buy conspiracy theories is that they think conspiracy means everyone is on the same program. Thats not how it works. Everybody has a different program. They just all want the same guy dead. Socrates was a gadfly, but I bet he took time out to screw somebodies wife" Gus Vitelli Any opinions expressed by me are mine alone, posted from my home computer, on my own time as a free american and do not reflect the opinions of any person or company that I have had professional relations with in the past 49 years. meep questions, help? [link\|mailto:pappas@catholic.org\|email pappas at catholic.org]
Post #230,918 by broomberg 10/25/05 8:32:27 PM Reply	Only after 10PM I've discovered Cruzan Estate Light Rum. I like it as much as Mt Gay at 1/2 the price.
Post #230,945 by drewk 10/25/05 10:10:00 PM Reply	Garlic's a good blood thinner, too === Purveyor of Doc Hope's [link\|http://DocHope.com\|fresh-baked dog biscuits and pet treats]. [link\|http://DocHope.com\|http://DocHope.com]
Post #231,523 by jb4 10/29/05 11:28:47 PM Reply	Yeah...but it's lousy with tonic.... jb4 shrub●bish (Am., from shrub* + rubbish, after the derisive name for America's 43 president; 2003) n. 1. a form of nonsensical political doubletalk wherein the speaker attempts to defend the indefensible by lying, obfuscation, or otherwise misstating the facts; GIBBERISH. 2. any of a collection of utterances from America's putative 43rd president. cf.* BULLSHIT
Post #231,524 by broomberg 10/29/05 11:32:24 PM Reply	Tonic is yucky [link\|http://www.straightdope.com/classics/a990813.html\|http://www.straightd...sics/a990813.html] Tonic water was never intended as a cure or preventive for malaria, but malaria is the reason the quinine is in there. Quinine has a bitter taste. To make the stuff palatable when used as an antidote for fevers, legend has it, British colonials in India mixed quinine with gin and lemon or lime. Over time they learned to love the godawful stuff. (You can see this principle at work in a lot of British cuisine.) Tonic water was granted an English patent in 1858, Schweppes brought it to the United States in 1953, and to this day it remains an essential component of Anglo-American mixology. Quinine is also used, along with other herbs, to flavor vermouth.
Post #231,532 by Meerkat 10/30/05 4:25:57 AM Reply	Tonic is fine, just needs two other ingredients. 1. Gin 2. A summer's day Mmmmm. Two out of three people wonder where the other one is.
Post #231,539 by bionerd 10/30/05 8:02:23 AM Reply	I like tonic. And I like it better with a shot of Tanqueray and a wedge of lime. Why wait for summer? Follow your MOUSE
Post #230,913 by boxley 10/25/05 8:21:06 PM Reply	tough, tough, tough, here is how you answer the question when these kids are teenagers breaking you heart and wallet when you wish you had a job to get the fuck out of the house for 12 hours cause you cant stand your kids, will you regret leaving the U? Do what your heart tells you, thanx, bill "the reason people don't buy conspiracy theories is that they think conspiracy means everyone is on the same program. Thats not how it works. Everybody has a different program. They just all want the same guy dead. Socrates was a gadfly, but I bet he took time out to screw somebodies wife" Gus Vitelli Any opinions expressed by me are mine alone, posted from my home computer, on my own time as a free american and do not reflect the opinions of any person or company that I have had professional relations with in the past 49 years. meep questions, help? [link\|mailto:pappas@catholic.org\|email pappas at catholic.org]
Post #230,921 by Silverlock 10/25/05 8:44:48 PM Reply	If you can move closer, is it worth it? If not, take what keeps you sane. ----------------------------------------- George W. Bush and his PNAC handlers sent the US into Iraq with lies. I find myself rethinking my opposition to the death penalty. --Donald Dean Richards Jr.
Post #230,929 by Another Scott 10/25/05 9:32:05 PM Reply	That's a tough situation. I'm sorry it's so hard. Kids can be pretty resilient, but only you know how much they can take. :-( I'm sure your kids would love to have you home all day, but that's not an option right now. Even if they don't understand that now, they will. Try not to let your feelings of guilt cause you to make a decision that's not the best for all of you. Is the stress mainly due to worrying about the kids and the commute? If you think you can fit into the job better if the at-home and commute stress drops, then see if you can find a closer place to live. Universities often subsidize local housing for employees. If the stress is also due to really hating the job (even with the good aspects), then your decision is made. Try to investigate all the options before making any decisions. See if your boss or coworkers have any suggestions for easing the situation if that'll help. Don't feel bad if the close job is a better fit. You'll not be chained to it for the rest of your life if you take it. :-) Hang in there and let us know if we can help in any way. Best wishes! Scott.
Post #230,935 by ben_tilly 10/25/05 9:40:44 PM Reply	Let's brainstorm about options Hope you'll adapt. Get assistance. Change jobs. Move closer to your new job. Have your kids commute with you and go to daycare/school closer to your job. Rework your work schedule so you are commuting outside of regular commute hours. Any more ideas? It sounds like you aren't likely to adapt. That option is a non-starter. I don't know what resources you have to find assistance, but I know how hard that can be. Probably also a non-starter. You're exploring changing jobs already. Moving closer is easier said than done. Having your kids commute with you makes you be on time and gives them more time with you, but under suboptimal conditions (in the car). I don't know how hard this would be to set up. My mother did that with me at one point for a year. I have reworked my schedule for exactly that reason. I suspect that I have more flexibility there than you do though. I hope that something works out. Cheers, Ben I have come to believe that idealism without discipline is a quick road to disaster, while discipline without idealism is pointless. -- Aaron Ward (my brother)
Post #230,941 by rcareaga 10/25/05 9:54:19 PM Reply	the right thing? Disclaimer: I'm childless. The existing job sounds good, the complications not so good. As others have said, can you move? Moving does, of course, involve up-front costs (you may have sufficient goodwill here at the IWT Hive Mind that these could be significantly offset), and your wee bairn may have other issues about leaving the familiar neighborhood, but it could be worth it. If moving is not, the other factors taken into account, a realistic option, then the closer-to-home option, even sans benefits, may be the way to go: consider how attractive it would have looked in the immediate aftermath of the last gig dumping you. You're unfortunately at a low point in your personal economic fortunes, which may put certain options temporarily out of reach. These are all distant observations, of course. None of us can provide a "this is what you should do" solution. You knew that, of course. cordially, username-at-mac-dot-com Die Welt ist alles, was der Fall ist.
Post #230,953 by admin 10/25/05 10:55:11 PM Reply	That's rough, Laura I almost took a job in AA, but the commute is a freakin' nightmare. FWIW, I always enjoyed living in AA much more than Farmington (I lived down near 9 mile for a few years). Regards, -scott anderson "Welcome to Rivendell, Mr. Anderson..."
Post #230,958 by Nightowl 10/25/05 11:11:49 PM Reply	Some questions/comments The commute is a lot longer than I thought. The before school program doesnt open up early enough for me to get work on time. As it is we are leaving the house before 7am. I've been late for work the last 2 days. My 6yo is at school for 11 straight hours. My 10 year old has been crying continously for the last two days, telling I me left him just like Daddy did. His anxiety and abandonment fears are through the roof. He is covered in hives. He and I both went to doc over the weekend. My bp was 151/90. I dont have HTN. My normal BP is 110/80. The stress is getting to me. How is the new job handling you being late? If that is a problem, that changes the equation. 11 hours is a long time for a child to be at school, I have to agree there. You didn't say whether he/she was upset about it? The other child, I would be very concerned about. Does he see a therapist at school (sometimes they have in-house counselors) about his issues? He obviously had them before this, this just increased them, it seems. I don't know what HTN is, but your blood pressure isn't anything to play around with. My cousin Katie's has been at stroke level for some time now, which is why I've had such a hard time dealing with my situation. She gets upset, it could be VERY serious. So you need to get that pressure down and do what you can to help that. That to me, is a life and death thing and should be given a higher priority. This is not going to work for me. It's a great job, great pay, great benefits, but it's going to kill me. It's too far away, the hours suck and I'm buried in University policy and procedures. I cant be a single parent and do this job. I just cant. I'll stroke out. And it's okay to admit that you can't do something. Sometimes it's better and more mature to admit it than to keep struggling with it. It's not a failure, okay? (I'm working on this one myself), but it's not a failure to admit you simply can't do something. It's just a fact. The alternative- a job as a therapist in a mental health clinic just around the corner from my house. I can walk there in under 5 minutes. It is 5 minutes away from school. It's a contractual job. Pay is good, but no benefits. I can set my own schedule and see clients when I want. I can be there for my kids. I can still do some trauma response and continue working a bit from home. I can go home for lunch and let the dog out. It wont make me rich, I'll still be in debt, my retirement account will remain woefully under funded, I will remain under insured, I'll have to stay in my dinky little house, but I will be sane. And I will still be a good mom. I interview tomorrow night. It sounds like it might be a good start anyway. It's okay if it isn't the best pay and best benefits right now, Laura. Anything to get some money coming in is the first step. And while you are there you can look for other opportunities, either a change of job or a promotion in the one you'll get. Is there an insurance you can buy or pay for on your own, like Cobra? I agree you need the insurance, but first you need to get a little financially stable, and I know that's what you've been worried about. You have to decide what's right for you, hon. We can't make that decision. We can look at the problem and make best guesses and make assessments based on what we could or couldn't do, but we can't know what you can or can't handle. So this needs to be something that you decide, that you decide is the best for you and your kids, (whichever way you go), and that you don't see taking the other job as an end to all your hopes and dreams. See it as a beginning to get you there eventually. Am I doing the right thing? The pressure is killing me. I think you know in your heart what the right thing to do is, and yes, honestly, if it were me, I would be going the other job route and dealing with the end result of that at a later date, (finding another job, or insurance, or etc.) Hang in there Laura, you'll find the right answers. Brenda "I'll rock the darn boat all I want to, and if it's meant to stay afloat, then it will. If not, then we'll just all go down with the bloody ship!"
Post #230,972 by cforde 10/26/05 2:37:38 AM Reply	options as I see it, you have a few options: 1- accept the situation 2- move work closer to home 3- move home closer to work 4- reduced hours at work 1 seems to be a non-starter. Ok, you're exploring 2; what about 3? is that possible or desirable for other reasons? or what about option 4, say 6hr/day with an occasional Saturday? Perhaps a job share? Do what you need to stay sane. You're clear on your priorities, make your situation fit them not the other way around. Yeah, I know. Easy to say. Let us know how you're doing. We're a good group to bounce ideas off of. I've been been told I'm pretty dense on occasion; so I think that will help... Have fun, Carl Forde
Post #231,082 by tuberculosis 10/26/05 6:57:16 PM Reply	I'd move can't stand long difficult commutes (OK, my commute is long now, but its easy, I read books or listen to music and look at the orcas and stuff from the deck). Might be time - get a new environment, new job, new schools, mama's got a brand new bag - Uh HUH! Otherwise, what's your anchor snagged on? "Whenever you find you are on the side of the majority, it is time to pause and reflect" --Mark Twain "The significant problems we face cannot be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them." --Albert Einstein "This is still a dangerous world. It's a world of madmen and uncertainty and potential mental losses." --George W. Bush
Post #231,173 by bionerd 10/27/05 12:33:53 PM Reply	I know you'd move. You did move- several hundred miles. You realize you're talking to me, here. Me, who needs a little stability and routine right now. I dont want to move. It's just a job. Besides, I quit yesterday. I listened to my heart. I listened to my gut. I did a cost benefit analysis and determined that preserving my mental health and my family was more important than the salary and retirement plan. So I quit. We'll be poor a little while longer, but as long as I can pay the mortgage and put food on the table, I'm doing okay. I know I did the right thing. I interviewed last night at the mental health clinic around the corner. It went very well and I think it will be a good fit. I'd be doing child/family therapy again. I'll probably also run some groups and parenting classes. It's a nice little job. I have a 2nd interview to get through with their board of directors. So once again, fingers crossed, everyone. Hopefully this will be the last time I ask you all to do that. It's getting a bit old. Follow your MOUSE
Post #231,180 by Another Scott 10/27/05 12:40:51 PM Reply	Fingers are for crossing. That's what they do. :-) Luck! We're pulling for you. Hang in there. Best of luck with round 2! Cheers, Scott.
Post #231,182 by bionerd 10/27/05 12:46:24 PM Reply	I just responded to your email, BTW So take a peek. Follow your MOUSE
Post #231,183 by Another Scott 10/27/05 12:48:47 PM Reply	Thanks. It'll have to wait till tonight though...
Post #231,184 by a6l6e6x 10/27/05 12:52:51 PM Reply	Re-crossing fingers for ya! Alex The trouble with the world is that the stupid are cocksure and the intelligent are full of doubt. -- Bertrand Russell
Post #231,191 by Nightowl 10/27/05 1:18:10 PM Reply	Fingers crossed again, and I'll say an extra prayer I know you did the right thing Laura. You're someone who seems to have her head on straight, and can make really good decisions. I believe that you thought it all out and chose the best choice for you and your family. And take heart, there's something better waiting for you around the corner, maybe, maybe not tomorrow, maybe not next week, but soon. Brenda "I'll rock the darn boat all I want to, and if it's meant to stay afloat, then it will. If not, then we'll just all go down with the bloody ship!"
Post #231,205 by Silverlock 10/27/05 1:58:16 PM Reply	Never uncrossed 'em figurativly speaking. ----------------------------------------- George W. Bush and his PNAC handlers sent the US into Iraq with lies. I find myself rethinking my opposition to the death penalty. --Donald Dean Richards Jr.
Post #231,211 by bionerd 10/27/05 2:24:29 PM Reply	Well, literally speaking, thanks. :-) Follow your MOUSE
Post #231,215 by ChrisR 10/27/05 2:35:00 PM Reply	Mental health clinic around the corner? Whenever I go to such places, they are more than willing to commit me.
Post #231,220 by imqwerky 10/27/05 3:12:30 PM Reply	You never lose when you follow your heart. I have some more info to share with you. Hopefully, I will be able to call you again soon. You are awesome! I know that things will turn out great for you. Take care. You know that we are all sending TONS of positive vibes your way. Hugs and peace, Amy Oh Freddled Gruntbuggly!
Post #231,235 by bionerd 10/27/05 7:06:37 PM Reply	Thanks. I had fun yammering with you the other night. You sounded just like I thought you would. The guys better start to worry with 2 chicks on the board gossiping and comparing notes! ;-) Follow your MOUSE
Post #231,258 by jbrabeck 10/27/05 10:57:41 PM Reply	We only have to worry if we've been doing something we shouldn't have been doing. Unless you're going to make up some interesting stories.... ;-) A good friend will come and bail you out of jail ... but, a true friend will be sitting next to you saying, "Damn...that was fun!"
Post #231,263 by imqwerky 10/27/05 11:11:55 PM Reply	Same here You are my new best friend! Hugs! Amy Oh Freddled Gruntbuggly!
Post #231,290 by ben_tilly 10/28/05 2:07:36 AM Reply	Were you using skype? If so, then what's your username? Ben I have come to believe that idealism without discipline is a quick road to disaster, while discipline without idealism is pointless. -- Aaron Ward (my brother)
Post #231,310 by bionerd 10/28/05 9:50:57 AM Reply	No talking on the phone and laughing. Tell me how to get hooked up to this skype of which you speak. I didnt read the thread about it. I tend to skip of the techie stuff you guys talk about. Boooorrriiiinnnggg. Also, I use Yahoo IM- LMD123123. Sometimes you'll find me there. Follow your MOUSE

Welcome to IWETHEY!