Post #220,274
8/21/05 2:09:30 AM
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Catch a lion
I'm not sure if I've posted this before. It is a classic. [link|http://groups.yahoo.com/group/sciencejokes/message/74|How to catch a lion.] Those with strong math/physics backgrounds will enjoy more of them.
Cheers,
Ben
I have come to believe that idealism without discipline is a quick road to disaster, while discipline without idealism is pointless. -- Aaron Ward (my brother)
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Post #220,278
8/21/05 8:21:16 AM
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Is it time for a canonical list of elephant jokes yet?
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Post #220,282
8/21/05 10:43:35 AM
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What's red and white on the outside.......
and gray and white on the inside?
Campbell's Cream of Elephant Soup
A
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Post #220,284
8/21/05 11:04:08 AM
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Oh nooooo....
A man went to a doctor to have his penis enlarged. Well, this particular procedure involved splicing a baby elephant's trunk onto the man's penis.
Overjoyed, the man went out with his best girl to a very fancy restaurant. After cocktails, the man's penis crept out of his pants, felt around the table, grabbed a hard roll and quickly disappeared under the tablecloth. The girl was startled and exclaimed, "What was that?".
Suddenly the penis came back, took another hard roll and just as quickly disappeared. The girl was silent for a moment, then finally said, "I don't believe I saw what I think I just saw... can you do that again?"
With a bit of an uncomfortable smile the man replied, "Honey, I'd like to, but I don't think my ass can take another hard roll!"
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Post #220,289
8/21/05 11:47:54 AM
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I'd like to date that guy! *snicker*
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Post #221,967
8/31/05 5:30:49 PM
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What's grey and comes in quarts?
elephants.
lincoln
"Chicago to my mind was the only place to be. ... I above all liked the city because it was filled with people all a-bustle, and the clatter of hooves and carriages, and with delivery wagons and drays and peddlers and the boom and clank of freight trains. And when those black clouds came sailing in from the west, pouring thunderstorms upon us so that you couldn't hear the cries or curses of humankind, I liked that best of all. Chicago could stand up to the worst God had to offer. I understood why it was built--a place for trade, of course, with railroads and ships and so on, but mostly to give all of us a magnitude of defiance that is not provided by one house on the plains. And the plains is where those storms come from." -- E.L. Doctorow
Never apply a Star Trek solution to a Babylon 5 problem.
[link|mailto:bconnors@ev1.net|contact me]
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Post #222,033
8/31/05 7:50:51 PM
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I thought it was a watch!
Quarts=Quartz
(actually, I knew that joke.)
Har de har har.
Peace,
Amy
" I tend to believe the great voices of peace throughout history {were} right, and this voice from this little hamlet here in Texas is absolutely wrong. The world is watching what you do here. It is important that you be calm, that you be peaceful, but you be firm. My grandmother {used to} say, \ufffdFight them \ufffdtil hell freezes over, and when hell freezes over, fight them on the ice.\ufffd
Dallas Reverend Peter Johnson, former staff member of the Southern Christian Leadership Conference.
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Post #220,293
8/21/05 12:42:31 PM
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Love it
Matthew Greet
Choose Life. Choose a job. Choose a career. Choose a family. Choose a fucking big television, choose washing machines, cars, compact disc players and electrical tin openers. Choose good health, low cholesterol, and dental insurance. Choose fixed interest mortgage repayments. Choose a starter home. Choose your friends. Choose leisurewear and matching luggage. Choose DIY and wondering who the fuck you are on a Sunday morning. Choose sitting on that couch watching mind-numbing, spirit-crushing game shows, stuffing fucking junk food into your mouth. Choose rotting away at the end of it all, pishing your last in a miserable home, nothing more than an embarrassment to the selfish, fucked up brats you spawned to replace yourself. Choose your future. Choose life... But why would I want to do a thing like that? I chose not to choose life. I chose somethin' else. And the reasons? There are no reasons. Who needs reasons when you've got heroin?
- Mark Renton, Trainspotting.
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