Post #217,233
8/3/05 12:31:59 PM
8/3/05 12:35:21 PM
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Thinking a lot about grief and loss...
Grief is a complicated beast. One of the toughest things we have to do when we experience a death is to separate from our loved one and find something to do with all the emotional energy we gave to our loved one. People dont often think about this. We have to redirect our energy to someone or something else in order to move forward. If we don\ufffdt, we get stuck. We have to redefine our roles, and sometimes our identity, as we adjust to living in a world without our loved one.
Grief is exhausting. When someone dies we are left feeling extremely tired. We use a lot of physical and emotional energy muddling through the grieving process. We\ufffdre left feeling incredibly disorganized. We\ufffdre not just grieving the loss of the person- we also have to face the loss of our hopes and dreams of our future with that person.
This is huge. It takes time. We have to be forgiving of ourselves as we go through this. And we need to be there for each other.
I guess that's all I wanted to say
Edited by bionerd
Aug. 3, 2005, 12:35:21 PM EDT
Thinking a lot about grief and loss...
Grief is complicated beast. One of the toughest things we have to do when we experience a death is to separate from our loved one and find something to do with all the emotional energy we gave to our loved one. People dont often think about this. We have to redirect our energy to someone or something else in order to move forward. If we dont, we get stuck. We have to redefine our roles, and sometimes our identity, as we adjust to living in a world without our loved one.
Grief is exhausting. When someone dies we are left feeling extremely tired. We use a lot of physical and emotional energy muddling through the grieving process. Were left feeling incredibly disorganized. Were not just grieving the loss of the person- we also have to face the loss of our hopes and dreams of our future with that person.
This is huge. It takes time. We have to be forgiving of ourselves as we go through this. And we need to be there for each other.
I guess that's all I wanted to say
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Post #217,236
8/3/05 12:39:14 PM
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Thanks. Very well said.
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Post #217,237
8/3/05 12:45:34 PM
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Re: Thinking a lot about grief and loss...
I think you explained it really well, Laura.
I also told Silverlock about this excellent book, called Good Grief, by Granger E. Westberg. It's helped many people including me... in fact, I keep mailing mine off to people who suffer loss, and when I do, John buys me a new one. It's very small and not real expensive, and it might help.
And I made a suggestion here:[link|http://z.iwethey.org/forums/render/content/show?contentid=217231|http://z.iwethey.org...?contentid=217231]
that also might help.
Brenda
"Excel is to math what a Microwave Oven is to cooking!"
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Post #217,239
8/3/05 12:50:59 PM
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Wonders whether grief also qualifies as another...
...valid excuse to drink even more beer. :-)
Ok, so alcohol and depression are a terrible combination. But humor is perhaps the best thing we have going for us as a species. (And, yes, I couldn't pass up the opportunity for a bit of levity).
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Post #217,242
8/3/05 12:54:17 PM
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There is no grief without pie. Er beer. ;-)
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Post #217,253
8/3/05 1:32:46 PM
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This is the end of pie. I mean life.
No more pie. Life.
Oops.
Grief is indeed a large and difficult subject, and one which we all approach in different ways.
Whilst I personally cannot abide the anodyne and supersweet affectations so often adopted these days, it's whatever works.
In the midst of this surfeit of busses, those who have recently lost should keep one thing in mind:
The deceased are dead, and will remain that way.
You are not, and have a life to live.
Grieve, and grieve properly, but do not make it a life-long hobby.
Peter
[link|http://www.ubuntulinux.org|Ubuntu Linux]
[link|http://www.kuro5hin.org|There is no K5 Cabal]
[link|http://guildenstern.dyndns.org|Home]
Use P2P for legitimate purposes!
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Post #217,337
8/3/05 8:51:21 PM
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Well said
Part of grieving properly, I think, is sharing the grief. My mother got in last night and after a night out at dinner talking through some things and sharing a nice Shiraz, I was able to finally sleep. And, I noticed today that my hands had stopped shaking.
-----------------------------------------
George W. Bush and his PNAC handlers sent the US into Iraq with lies. I find myself rethinking my opposition to the death penalty.
--Donald Dean Richards Jr.
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Post #217,380
8/4/05 1:57:05 AM
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Another small point
You need people to acknowledge the loss. You're not after eulogies; you just need people to say "I'm sorry".
People who dance around the subject and who can't or won't say those two words do not help.
Peter
[link|http://www.ubuntulinux.org|Ubuntu Linux]
[link|http://www.kuro5hin.org|There is no K5 Cabal]
[link|http://guildenstern.dyndns.org|Home]
Use P2P for legitimate purposes!
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Post #217,347
8/3/05 9:32:37 PM
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Ditto to Don's comment.
My brother worries me because since he's lost his wife two years ago, he's let his world shrink. His youngest daughter is in college (but home for summer) and the other two daughters can only visit occasionally. On a human level, it's his daughters that keep him going. Other than that, he reads non-fiction books on history, particularly "military intel", newspapers to track politics, and watches TV. On TV it's the History Channel, cable news, and classic movies. But, he's a loner now.
Having said that, I'll give him a call now.
Alex
The trouble with the world is that the stupid are cocksure and the intelligent are full of doubt. -- Bertrand Russell
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Post #217,363
8/4/05 12:06:18 AM
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"The only way out is through".
Grief is a tricky course to navigate. It robbed me of nearly three years of my life. My best friend, Evelyn, was my partner-in-crime. We were the Bobbsey Twins. Two Peas in a Pod. When she died, a part of me died with her and it took a long time for me to come back to life again. The grieving process was messy, painful, and took a large toll on my family. But, thanks to a very patient, loving husband, some resilient kids and a fantastic therapist (not to mention the wonderful cocktail of psychotropic pharmaceuticals that finally balance the chemistry of me loovely grey matter), I have emerged with an understanding of Life and Death not unlike Moses descending from Mount Sinai.
I am thankful that I have a warped and twisted sense of humor. It definitely kept me from completely drowning in the abyss. My memories of my friend would come to me when I needed them most. At first, they would bring tears. Now, they bring smiles and yes, even laughter. The pain finally subsided, even though I thought it never would. Now I know she is with me always and everywhere. She is supernatural. She is loosed from her earthly cage and her spirit is free to exist on a different dimension. There is beauty in the world again. I can create again. I am whole again.
And the part my dad's death played in this is profound as well. Before he died, he gave me a gift. He told me I was neat. Yeah! It still makes me smile. My dad thinks I'm neat! And when he was alive, he had this knack for always getting a parking spot in the front row, center. Uncanny! We called it Brandenburg Parking. Well, now he's the Parking Lot Angel. Because no matter where I go, no matter what time of day, my spot is waiting for me...front row, center!
And I silently utter,"Thank you, Papa. I love you, too."
Peace be with you,
Amy
Illegitimi non corborundum.
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Post #217,364
8/4/05 12:40:28 AM
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ICLRPD
Thank you, Papa. I love you, too. --
Steve
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Post #217,399
8/4/05 7:54:40 AM
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Beautiful.
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Post #217,372
8/4/05 1:37:52 AM
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I have heard it said
that the only cure for grief is grieving. I don't know that there's one right way to do it; but I'm sure the place the personality used to fill won't be filled by self indulgence. Nor will it go away by ignoring it. Emotional acceptance seems to come much slower than intellectual acceptance. I think I'm beginning to ramble..
Have fun,
Carl Forde
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Post #217,401
8/4/05 7:55:37 AM
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Well said.
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