Three problems:
1) There is no trend line moving from lower left to upper right.
2) There aren't enough colors, and no fade from one color to another contrasted with a fade of the same color the other way preferably in a swoosh. You also failed to use any of the clip art that comes with PowerPoint, particularly the glob people and that horizontal blue line with the orange swooshie thing at the end that looks kind of like the blue thing is moving so fast the end is on fire. But the lack of clip art isn't a fatal flaw, just a few points off for style.
3) It contains an idea that might be acted upon. Worse still, the idea could result in actual profit.
