Post #109,267
7/11/03 1:13:04 PM
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Here's your reply
Well, I sorta have tried to just take it and then ignore it if it wasn't relevant, but how do you deal with the people who keep coming back and asking, "Did you try this, did you do this?"
"I tried it and it didn't work out. Sorry, but I can't give out the specific reasons."
Little white lie...
When they took the Fourth Amendment, I was quiet because I didn't deal drugs.
When they took the Fifth Amendment, I was quiet because I was innocent.
When they took the Second Amendment, I was quiet because I didn't own a gun.
Now they've taken the First Amendment, and I can't say anything about it.
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Post #109,271
7/11/03 1:16:26 PM
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Re: Here's your reply
"I tried it and it didn't work out. Sorry, but I can't give out the specific reasons." Little white lie... Hmmm I don't advocate any lying, so I can't do a little white lie, but maybe if I change it a little... "Sorry, it didn't work out." That way I don't say I "tried" anything I didn't. Hmmm that MIGHT work! ;) Thanks! Nightowl >8# "Only dead fish swim with the stream."
Linda Ellerbee
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Post #109,297
7/11/03 2:26:21 PM
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Lying may not work for you
you might feel bad about it later. How can you say it didn't work if you didn't try it? They might think that you did try it and it didn't work, and then they give you a new place to try.
You might want to try the truth, that you are working with someone, and you don't want to ruin your chances by putting your name/resume into places that the person helping you may have already placed your name/resume. Say that you want to work with your counselor, and that you appreciate the people wanting to help, but right now all you really need is moral support.
If it helps, I can give you moral support by typing in this message. I hope that you find something, good luck.
"I wonder how much of this BS Corporations will continue to shallow before they start looking into alternatives to Microsoft software?" -[link|http://z.iwethey.org/forums/render/content/show?contentid=106839|Orion]
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Post #109,300
7/11/03 2:37:48 PM
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Re: Lying may not work for you
you might feel bad about it later. How can you say it didn't work if you didn't try it? They might think that you did try it and it didn't work, and then they give you a new place to try. Yep, like I said in reply to the person who mentioned it, I can't lie anyway.I used to say "that won't work" but then I always wound up with the question, "Why not?" Sigh. You might want to try the truth, that you are working with someone, and you don't want to ruin your chances by putting your name/resume into places that the person helping you may have already placed your name/resume. Say that you want to work with your counselor, and that you appreciate the people wanting to help, but right now all you really need is moral support. I have tried the truth, to be honest. The actual truth is that I am working with a counselor and I have very specific needs, and I do not want any assistance from friends and family to locate me a job because of those needs. However, they never seem to listen to that. LOL My counselor suggested saying that to them again and then adding that I would not be responding to any questions or comments about job offers or suggestions for employment, but I wondered if that might not be harsher or mean. The biggest problem I have is with self-esteem when they try to help. If they say, well this bank has an opening, then I feel bad because I can't do math. If they say there is something downtown, I feel bad because I am looking for something very close by without highway driving. It feels like a no win situation most of the time, and although I tell myself I don't have to feel bad because I can't do this or won't do that, I wind up feeling bad anyway. If it helps, I can give you moral support by typing in this message. I hope that you find something, good luck. It does help a lot, and I thank you. That kind of support I want, luck and good wishes :) I appreciate it, Norm. Nightowl >8# "Only dead fish swim with the stream."
Linda Ellerbee
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Post #109,396
7/12/03 1:01:57 PM
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I understand
I cannot drive on highways either, I am scared of highway driving after all the accidents and traffic jams I have seen in my lifetime. I used to have a fear of driving, but I got over that so I can drive on local roads. When I worked for the law firm downtown, I drove to Hanley and got on the Metrolink. They wanted me to work extra late hours there, but they didn't understand that riding the Metrolink at late hours is a security risk because of the bad neighborhoods I have to ride through. During the day it isn't so bad, but during the evenings the gangs come out and anyone dressed in a suit usually gets hassled.
You might have to say that you understand that they want to help you, but you really want moral support only. I don't think you have to be mean to say this, but maybe find another way to say it. Friends and family can be very eager to help you find a job, so much that they either forget that you told them not to help you, or they want to help you despite the fact that you nicely asked them not to.
Don't feel bad about not doing math, you are good at other things. For one, I know that you have very good organization skills from when you helped run the Haunted House, plus good communication skills. Everyone has their stengths and weaknesses. I can do basic math, but for the rest I have to use a calculator. Even with basic math I sometimes make a mistake and have to check it with a calculator anyway. I also cannot write legable writing, my handwriting skills are poor, but I can write on a computer and print it out. That is part of the reasons why I got into computers in the first place, poor handwriting and mistakes with math, so I let the computer work with me to correct that. Also I wanted to learn how video games worked, and then I got into programming and fixing computers on my own. Then I got into college and got some on the job experience. But I got so stressed out from my past few jobs that it created a lot of illnesses and a major depression and I had to quit working for a while. Now I may have to find a job after I get better, if I do recover, and it may not be in computers due to the market being so competitive and jobs going overseas.
But I am praying for you, and I wish you good luck, and hope that you find something.
"I wonder how much of this BS Corporations will continue to shallow before they start looking into alternatives to Microsoft software?" -[link|http://z.iwethey.org/forums/render/content/show?contentid=106839|Orion]
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Post #109,501
7/13/03 9:35:06 PM
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Re: I understand
I cannot drive on highways either, I am scared of highway driving after all the accidents and traffic jams I have seen in my lifetime. I used to have a fear of driving, but I got over that so I can drive on local roads. Well alot of my issue is my car. Although I adore my car, it just doesn't fit in well with rush hour traffic. It doesn't stop as quick as the newer ones, and it doesn't idle well or drag in slow traffic well without overheating either. It also gets very low gas mileage so it is more efficient to drive somewhere near by and not on the highway. Also the highway at rush hour tends to stress me and aggravate my panic anxiety. You might have to say that you understand that they want to help you, but you really want moral support only. I don't think you have to be mean to say this, but maybe find another way to say it. Friends and family can be very eager to help you find a job, so much that they either forget that you told them not to help you, or they want to help you despite the fact that you nicely asked them not to. Yeah, I am looking for the best way to say just that. It's just too much to explain to someone for them to be equipped to help me look. I'm gonna do fine looking, I just have to get my paperwork in order. Starting to do that now. Don't feel bad about not doing math, you are good at other things. For one, I know that you have very good organization skills from when you helped run the Haunted House, plus good communication skills. Everyone has their strengths and weaknesses. Thanks Norm, it always helps for me to be reminded that I AM good at some things. :) But I am praying for you, and I wish you good luck, and hope that you find something. Thanks and I am also still praying for you! Good luck in your endeavors! Nightowl >8# "Only dead fish swim with the stream."
Linda Ellerbee
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Post #109,322
7/11/03 5:20:25 PM
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re lying
Well.. you asked.
IMhO - it is impossible to go through a social life (or even a solitary one) without ""lying"", which always can be via commission or omission. If what you meant to imply above, is:
1) "Not lying" means telling all you (think you) know on any topic which arises.
2) You imagine that .. you know (practically anything!) that is completely er True.
Skipping all the metaphysical implications of any idea of truth/Truth then, because words start to fail early-on in that arena - I suggest that:
Imagining you Never Lie is either massive self-delusion or can be shown to be an unrealizable standard among all homo-saps. Only True Believers, those whose delusion is that they possess a Direct-LAN Connection-to-Some-Gawd: ever seriously entertain the idea which you are putting forth. (Best not to lie to oneself; seems good advice I've heard given, often.)
Caring about other people means that you tailor your words to the person and the situation, no two of which are ever identical in time and space. You are not required to give either 'excuses' nor further explain decisions; simply you phrase them in a considerate way. And then you move on.
Merely spilling everything in your necessarily-flawed memory is much more about making very many ill-informed judgments of 'events'.. and is a sign of neither Goodness\ufffd nor of honesty or any other nice-sounding badge people love to claim for selves. It is about laziness and narcissism, now common afflictions within this culture of Me-Me-Me, and the other banal ideas with which marketers have infected the suggestible.
I don't think I can explain this facet of human existence further - if it hasn't already turned on a small lightbulb inside your collection of life impressions to date [?]
Happy reconciling,
Ashton
Personal test:
"Trust Me, I Am Honest!"
[what's wrong with that statement]
Self-grading - no reply requested or possible, BTW.
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Post #109,326
7/11/03 5:31:24 PM
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Re: re lying
Well.. you asked. Yep, I did. :) IMhO - it is impossible to go through a social life (or even a solitary one) without ""lying"", which always can be via commission or omission. If what you meant to imply above, is: 1) "Not lying" means telling all you (think you) know on any topic which arises. No, that's not what I mean, I mean I will not knowingly tell a lie, i.e. say to someone I did something I didn't, or say I know how to do something I didn't. I don't mean that I have to tell them every detail about something. I realize no one is perfect, but I do my best not to ever knowingly lie to anyone or about anyone. IF I discover I inadvertently did lie about someone due to incorrect information, I correct it immediately. And I do my best to check my information before passing it on if I suspect it's untrue. 2) You imagine that .. you know (practically anything!) that is completely er True. Nope, this is not what I mean whatsoever. I most certainly do not know practically anything. Imagining you Never Lie is either massive self-delusion or can be shown to be an unrealizable standard among all homo-saps. Only True Believers, those whose delusion is that they possess a Direct-LAN Connection-to-Some-Gawd: ever seriously entertain the idea which you are putting forth. (Best not to lie to oneself; seems good advice I've heard given, often.) I have knowingly lied a couple times, and had bad consequences about it way back in my past. I therefore set a standard that I would not lie ever again when asked about something, I would tell the truth. That doesn't mean every detail about something, just the truth and not a lie. So if someone asks me if I like their hair and I do not, I don't say it's horrible, or whatever, I say, "well, do you like it? and if they persist, I say, well that style isn't for me, but it's your hair." I believe that you can tell the truth in a tactful manner that will hurt the person in the least manner. I do not ascribe to saying I like something if I don't, or to saying something the person wants to hear that I don't believe. If you ask me how my day is, for example, I won't say fine, it isn't in my vocabulary for that question, I will tell you how my day is in reality. Caring about other people means that you tailor your words to the person and the situation, no two of which are ever identical in time and space. You are not required to give either 'excuses' nor further explain decisions; simply you phrase them in a considerate way. And then you move on. You can tailor your words to each person without lying, and I'm trying to learn I don't have to give excuses or explanations, but it's been a hard habit to break based on low self-esteem. Merely spilling everything in your necessarily-flawed memory is much more about making very many ill-informed judgments of 'events'.. and is a sign of neither Goodness? nor of honesty or any other nice-sounding badge people love to claim for selves. It is about laziness and narcissism, now common afflictions within this culture of Me-Me-Me, and the other banal ideas with which marketers have infected the suggestible. I value my honesty very highly, and it is the thing I'm the most proud of. I do not consider myself high and mighty or anything else like that, just honest. I don't think I can explain this facet of human existence further - if it hasn't already turned on a small lightbulb inside your collection of life impressions to date [?] Thanks for your opinions. :) Nightowl >8# "Only dead fish swim with the stream."
Linda Ellerbee
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