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New Ah, the joys of married life. :-)
Have you read Deborah Tannen's You Just Don't Understand? She argues that men talk to convey information while women talk to build relationships and community (among other differences). That's why proving her wrong is sorta beside the point. Even though it drives you (us!) nuts.

Early on, I tried to get J to read it, but she wasn't interested. ;-)

Cheers,
Scott.
New "You just don't understand"
I remember the buzz upon its original publication. I think indeed that conveying information is the supreme purpose of conversation, but perhaps that's just my Y chromosome talking. Seems to me that if information is conveyed properly, relationships and community will follow. But it could be that the women are correct, and that accurate information is absolutely antithetical to those desirable abstracts.

communally,
New If there is a solution to this cognitive dissonance
..anyone who claims That is likely selling a book. With formulas, those algorithm things? As. If.

What (others noticed, before I noticed) is that communication, face/face is going on quite beyond the words. Body-language, facial expressions, tone, framing and the ever undefinable (like Piet Hein's pineapple) mood. Both may have heard, even listened to reminders of such factors ... and still revert to chromosomes?

My guess is that it is no fiction that Men (quite reliably) become easily on-a-roll: the logic has been parsed and the drill is to bring forth the consecutive stages to enumerating the path to (my superb analysis and solution.) Meanwhile Women are observing, typically more competently than Men: all of the above, interspersed with new observations of the mien? (tics? especially between Familiars) and small emotional inflections, pauses and such ... most of which go ^zoom^ to the focussed Male currently executing a riposte to previous words.

There are, I hear, classes to teach this stuff to those not quite convinced there is a huge gap (for whatever chromosomal?) or other reasons yet deduced, well or poorly. Maybe females, known to mature faster from tyke-hood, simply time-share this assortment of Tells (?) quicker/better? though with the usual Gaussian which in some cases might turn the tables. Damned if I know, but something like that.. can, I believe be verified, but only as an uninvolved onlooker, if one is male (yes somewhat *begs the question but not the necessity of watching from a distance.
* that phrase which is also subject to historical alterations of its 'meaning'; ain't that a Deusy?

I no answers, but plead guilty to the oft single-mindedness--presumed shared similarly by both--as may be the first of several unwarranted presumptions. Then it goes downhill unless/until Maleness pauses for a recap, seeing that his enthusiasm is/has been mis-taken for: something quite emotionally different than, Why you must check the turbo encabulator in the car, during a long drive, or other vital premise. Maybe a clue is in, "if information is conveyed properly" ... ... because if the above isn't utter-BS: you're talking to.. at?.. someone whose sensory apparatus is networked to a fare-thee-well (probably especially so, if also trained-up in the entire pseudo-science of Da Law,) y'know? {scary} that.

YMMV, but I believe I've seen (from requisite distance) where eyes were focussed (on Tells? one never Knows fersure) and know a woman who is Good at Texas Hold-em (sp?) Poker and gave me a lecture on just what She looks-for and looks at, and it quite dwarfed my own ideas of Paying Attention.
Simply, I accept I am outgunned, not always but mostly. And shan't study the offered tutelage in an effort to achieve parity. But if the issue is important, nay crucial? I do attempt to slow the speech, wait for indications even I can see, especially emotional, instant changes.. to try to level the field.

I can see.. "you just don't understand" to mean, in some cases evidently: "you haven't noticed that I'm shifting the topic to another Scale", (about the Why it's important to You, for just one) and you aren't keeping up. Sometimes you can wring an admission of something-like-that. When it's crucial, I guess it's best to ask flat-out some Whys, but unimportant re the trivial.

tl;dr: We'unses are frequently Irrational creatures. No wonder that superior logic gets a lot of fails, no?
Try: "I so confused.." sometimes sympathy can get a coherent even clarifying revelation, most females having the larger compassion quotient on that Gaussian (?) via all nurture.

Some day the code may be broken to Man-capable ... but it won't be as easy as it was for Enigma, I wot.
New Re: "You just don't understand"
One of the primary perquisites of being single is that I never have to read a "Men are _____. Women are _____" book.
New :-)
Understood. It was a long time ago, but Tannen's book struck me as being eminently sensible and not trying to say that one approach or the other was better, just that we should be aware of them.

Cheers,
Scott.
New dont need a book for a one liner
it doesnt matter if you are right or not, it is in the delivery of the subject
Any opinions expressed by me are mine alone, posted from my home computer, on my own time as a free American and do not reflect the opinions of any person or company that I have had professional relations with in the past 59 years. meep
New So true
... men talk to convey information while women talk to build relationships ...

The other day I asked Jenn about something as she was heading out the door for something. She answered and headed out.

Later that day, she came and sat next to me on the couch as I was doing something on the laptop and started chatting about ... something. After about 10 minutes of chit-chat she said something like, "I just wanted to make sure you knew I wasn't upset earlier."

It took literally another five minutes to figure out what she was even talking about. She thought that giving a one-word answer to a simple question, then immediately leaving, gave me the impression she was upset with me. So she spent 10 minutes chatting about completely unrelated stuff to "rebuild" our bond.
--

Drew
New Reminds me of Ray Donovan I just saw
Paraphrased:

Wife: By not talking about this subject with me it makes me feel you don't think our marriage is worth saving.

Ray: I didn't know our marriage needed saving.

M and I both face each other, and she says it before I can:
Please let me know if our marriage needs saving, I might miss it.

Yup, me too.
     living with a litigator - (rcareaga) - (13)
         Ah, the joys of married life. :-) - (Another Scott) - (7)
             "You just don't understand" - (rcareaga) - (4)
                 If there is a solution to this cognitive dissonance - (Ashton)
                 Re: "You just don't understand" - (gcareaga) - (2)
                     :-) - (Another Scott) - (1)
                         dont need a book for a one liner - (boxley)
             So true - (drook) - (1)
                 Reminds me of Ray Donovan I just saw - (crazy)
         Lucerne as in faux switzerland - (boxley)
         It bodes well that, - (Ashton) - (2)
             Thanks ! - (dmcarls) - (1)
                 He seems the Maestro of poetry as.. that Ideal conversation - (Ashton)
         All's Well That Ends Well :) -NT - (a6l6e6x)

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