Freeform musings on life...

It is a very good thing that I am a liberal. It has allowed me the graceful luxury of not having to reevaluate my position on many issues as I am ALWAYS reevaluating my position. This comes in handy when life deals you some interesting cards.

Like, it's a good thing that I never take clear cut and unbending positions on things like abortion, parental responsibility, education, etc... Here's why I think it's unwise for others as well.

Hypothetical situation - suppose you were pushing forty and had never had the desire to have kids, but your wife's biological clock was ringing... You acquiesce. You have a child and think your done. You go through the sleepless nights, etc... Then your wife says that "it's not right for the child to be an only child" and you don't agree but after much insistence, many sexless months, many power plays, you conceive that second one. Then, because of your wife's advanced age, they want to do tests to determine the health of the child in the womb and for religious reasons, your wife declines (because abortion is wrong for any reason). You don't agree with the logic, but what the hell. What's the problem.

So then, you have another child, a beautiful baby girl with Down Syndrome. You feel very angry, upset, and powerless - at your own inadequacies. You also get a crash course in "Reality"... some actions are instantly permanent and irrevocable and the best must be made of them. Fight or flight... For a while, you feel resentment towards your wife, your future and God (or whatever hallucination you choose to pray to). You fear that you are not "qualified" to parent a special needs child, that the other kids will tease the normal brother, that she will never get asked to the prom... After a while, you realize that life is a series of compromises (roles that are accepted) and that our actions carry consequences; some good and some not so good - some easy, some difficult. When you have any child, there are no guaranties.

Then, in the midst of confusion, you find true faith - faith in yourself and faith in the power of your love for family. Faith that if others can do the difficult, then you can too...

What do you do with this knowledge? Keep it bottled in or share it? For a while, you feel like hermitting yourself away from the world, then you realise that you can't. Although your situation has changed, you haven't... and you may have something useful to share with others who find themselves dealing with tough situations.

In any event, there's a new little Screamer in the world. She's a beauty and I'm her proud papa... She's home and she's healthy and she's passed the brother and cats test...

If anyone has any resources or personal experience in raising and teaching children with Down Syndrome, I would be very interested in corresponding with you. Already done the Google and Amazon searches, so thanks in advance for not posting those :-)

And I will keep you in mind as things arise.

and I am not averse to homilies :-)

It was a tough first few weeks but I've got my wits about me and am proceeding on about the business of sleep deprivation and normal new dad stuff.

I'll get back to the business of posting more frequently when life settles in a bit more. I'm greatful you guys are here...

Dan

and it was really conterproductive ("things would be different, if only"). I appreciate your sentiment about brilliance and stupidity and came to a similar conclusion.

My first and biggest concerns (aside from being parent enough to handle the needs of an "off the charts" IQ two and a half year old and a -potentially- learning disabled infant) was that my daughter would not become "independent" and would resent us for bringing her into the world. Then I started looking around at all the "normal" adults in their thirties and forties that are still living with their parents :-O ...

IQ is not a very efficient predictor of being able to lead a happy and "productive" life. My IQ has always tested very high and yet I am still lucky to be able to mildly function on my own. My high IQ and $1.65 will get me a rotten tasting cup o jo at Starbucks... I still have serious concerns about her education and her needs, but I also am learning that times have changed greatly from when I was growing up (I am 40) and Down children were neglected and or institutionalized. Children with this extra chromosome learn more slowly, but are (mostly) not limited in the amount they can learn... I just feel grateful to no end that my daughter suffers from none of the related congenital problems associated with Down children (40 to 50 percent have malformed hearts, many have leukemia, etc...) She is perfectly healthy and we'll just have to wait and see what her mental abilities are. In the meantime, we are just giving her a steady RX of milk and love.

I'm ramblin' now (hey, the Ramblin' Reck), so I'd best get some work down.

Thanks for your thoughts and insight.