Good read...

Post #108,198 by jbrabeck 7/2/03 12:11:13 PM Reply	Good read... It sounds to me like you and your wife have bigger issues than the vacation. Very much so. Very short story... Her previous marriage was an emotionally abusive one. "I've put it all behind me", but anything I do that could possibly have a negative meaning ("you spent all weekend working on the deck and didn't spend any time with me.") draws a reference to "all men..." Add to short story, she fell and became disabled (can't walk across a room without a cane, must use a wheelchair when out in public). She was working full time and now can't/won't work. She is in constant pain. (We've been everywhere including Mayo) As I posted in the beginning, if she wasn't sick, I'd go and let it be her decision if she wanted to stay home. Her being sick is what has caused the dilemma. I'm torn between being the supportive husband and staying home, and forcing her to face the reality that I cannot be her entire life. The full story would drag on and on and on. And FWIW I have talked to our pastors, counslers, therapists and friends. And if any of you feel you can provide any insight or guidance, email me and I'll provide the long version. When they took the Fourth Amendment, I was quiet because I didn't deal drugs. When they took the Fifth Amendment, I was quiet because I was innocent. When they took the Second Amendment, I was quiet because I didn't own a gun. Now they've taken the First Amendment, and I can't say anything about it.
Post #108,201 by Another Scott 7/2/03 12:45:00 PM Reply	I feel for you. I know it's hard. :-( The past has a very strong hold on many, many people. That's why it's good to develop a poor memory. :-) You can't control how she feels about things or how she reacts. All you can do is try your best. She does seem to have some sort of infection. Stay with her, let that heal up and try not to carry any resentment about the vacation. I'm torn between being the supportive husband and staying home, and forcing her to face the reality that I cannot be her entire life. I don't think there are any pat answers for situations like this. Sometimes people need to be forced to snap out of their funk and stand on their own; sometimes they need support that may last for years while they slowly gain confidence and feel happy again. I don't think there's any way to know in advance which category a person fits into. Does she like to read? I thought the Dalai Lama's book [link\|http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/1573221112/qid%3D1057163845/002-0038765-9647237\|The Art of Happiness] was pretty good. Sincere best of luck. Cheers, Scott.
Post #108,209 by deSitter 7/2/03 1:00:08 PM Reply	A link for you Read the [link\|http://samvak.tripod.com/index.html\|following] objectively, and compare and contrast your situation. Understanding of NPD is evolving. It is a very hard thing to live with. -drl
Post #108,211 by tseliot 7/2/03 1:06:00 PM Reply	Ugh. As soon as I saw the words, "Id", "Ego", and "Superego", I had to stop reading. Many fears are born of stupidity and ignorance - Which you should be feeding with rumour and generalisation. BOfH, 2002 "Episode" 10

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