The man says----

TO WOMEN EVERYWHERE FROM A MAN WHO'S HAD ENOUGH:

Learn to work the toilet seat. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you
need it down. You don't hear us bitching about you leaving it down.

ALL men see in only 16 colors. Peach is a fruit, not a color.

If you won't dress like Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like
soap opera guys.

If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. We refuse to
answer.

Don't cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more attractive than short
hair. One of the big reasons guys fear getting married is that married
women always cut their hair, and by then you're stuck with her.

Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if we can
find the perfect present yet again!

If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you
don't want to hear.

Sometimes, we're not thinking about you. Live with it.

Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss
such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.

Sunday = Sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let
it be.

Shopping is not a sport, and no, we're never going to think of it that way.

When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really.

You have enough clothes.

You have too many shoes.

Crying is blackmail.

Ask for what you want. Let's be clear on this one:
Subtle hints don't work.
Strong hints don't work.
Really obvious hints don't work.
Just say it!

No, we don't know what day it is. We never will. Mark Anniversaries on the
calendar.

Peeing standing up is more difficult. We're bound to miss sometimes.

Most guys own three pair of shoes. What makes you think we'd be any good at
choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?

Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we
do.

Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

Foreign films are best left to foreigners. (Unless it is Bruce Lee or some
war flick where it doesn't really matter what the ###### they are saying
anyway.)

Check your oil.

It is neither in your best interest nor ours to take the quiz together. No,
it doesn't matter which quiz.

Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. All comments
become null and void after 7 days.

If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes
you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

Let us ogle. We're going to look anyway; it's genetic.

You can either tell us to do something OR tell us how to do something, but
not both.

Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

It if itches, it will be scratched.

Beer is as exciting for us as handbags are for you.

If we ask what's wrong and you say "nothing", we will act like nothing's
wrong. We know you're lying, but it's just not worth the hassle.

Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch
tonight, but did you know we really don't mind that, it's like camping!

Post #9,703 by Silverlock 9/19/01 11:07:07 AM Reply	The man says---- TO WOMEN EVERYWHERE FROM A MAN WHO'S HAD ENOUGH: Learn to work the toilet seat. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us bitching about you leaving it down. ALL men see in only 16 colors. Peach is a fruit, not a color. If you won't dress like Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. We refuse to answer. Don't cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more attractive than short hair. One of the big reasons guys fear getting married is that married women always cut their hair, and by then you're stuck with her. Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if we can find the perfect present yet again! If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear. Sometimes, we're not thinking about you. Live with it. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks. Sunday = Sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be. Shopping is not a sport, and no, we're never going to think of it that way. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really. You have enough clothes. You have too many shoes. Crying is blackmail. Ask for what you want. Let's be clear on this one: Subtle hints don't work. Strong hints don't work. Really obvious hints don't work. Just say it! No, we don't know what day it is. We never will. Mark Anniversaries on the calendar. Peeing standing up is more difficult. We're bound to miss sometimes. Most guys own three pair of shoes. What makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress? Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor. Foreign films are best left to foreigners. (Unless it is Bruce Lee or some war flick where it doesn't really matter what the ###### they are saying anyway.) Check your oil. It is neither in your best interest nor ours to take the quiz together. No, it doesn't matter which quiz. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. All comments become null and void after 7 days. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one. Let us ogle. We're going to look anyway; it's genetic. You can either tell us to do something OR tell us how to do something, but not both. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials. It if itches, it will be scratched. Beer is as exciting for us as handbags are for you. If we ask what's wrong and you say "nothing", we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you're lying, but it's just not worth the hassle. Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know we really don't mind that, it's like camping! "Those who desire to give up Freedom in order to gain Security, will not have, nor do they deserve, either one." --Thomas Jefferson
Post #9,775 by boxley 9/19/01 9:07:56 PM Reply	No! bill dont !!! Dang too late :( marinating it for an hr in the tub does not eliminate the odor call us when you are cutting your hair so we can go fishing for a week. You only cut your hair when you are totally pissed. Dont tell us how you dont nag as much as (fill in the blank) and dont block the tv when you do it. If it bothers you that much pick it up, or mow it or clean it whatever, if it bothers us we will be happy to do it. thanx, bill why did god give us a talleywhacker and a trigger finger if he didnt want us to use them? Randy Wayne White
Post #10,009 by duke 9/20/01 10:17:30 PM Reply	marinating "it"? (close to busting a gut)
Post #10,016 by boxley 9/20/01 10:57:28 PM Reply	he used to describe her getting out of a pickup first two cheeks flopped halfway to the ground with sometimes a third and a fourth slopping like a waterbed inside hr tight jeans. Needless to say they have been divorced for a while. why did god give us a talleywhacker and a trigger finger if he didnt want us to use them? Randy Wayne White
Post #9,780 by static 9/19/01 9:40:30 PM Reply	This is neat. "All around me are nothing but fakes Come with me on the biggest fake of all!"

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