I've not been able to guess or divine what the issue might be - but just want to say - you asked , so I respond - without any more info needed - I am thinking of you and want to convey this - if that helps please take it with both hands.

Cheers, & all good & kind thoughts be with you.

Doug
(on instinct want to add even though it may be quite unrelated - hate seems to consume the hater more than the hated)

24 months back I hated a man intensely who I found had lied to me over a contract he entered into my name & destroyed our mutual business (I refused to work with a partner who destroyed our business trust) - the evidence was substantial and in most if not all courts of law would be enough to convict - but the reality was that hating this man, for his weakness, exposed my own. I now hope I have learned from this experience. If I have, maybe I am wiser :)